Last week I checked out an article in The New York Times after seeing it mentioned on the CBS morning show. The article was titled, "Alone Again, Naturally (Why Men Can't Stand to Be Alone)." Please read the entire piece here.
The author's premise is that women are just fine being alone, but men can't be alone for more than about "three months" and are most likely to remarry. Basically, women can live without men, but men can't live without women.
She notes:
"Most single women I know really love their lives. Sometimes we suffer pangs of loneliness, sometimes we ache for the companionship of that mythic soul mate, but mostly we cherish our independence. We love doing whatever we want to do, when we want to do it."
On men she argues:
"Being alone feels dangerous to a man. No one has your back. No one feeds you. No one nurses you in your sickbed. No one takes up a watch if you vanish or sends out a search party if you wander off the trail."
Toward the end of the piece she writes that in the 70s she learned that "A woman needs a man like a fish needs a bicycle." Today, she says, "I understand why a man needs marriage like a fish needs water."
I get it. Men need marriage because marriage makes them feel SAFE in a dangerous society. Marriage is like a warm winter coat in a cold cruel world.
But while the author points out the many advantages of being a single woman — don't have to worry about cooking, don't have to get permission to spend your own money, don't have to worry about being judged or criticized — I personally believe she's missing an important element in her thesis.
Sure, I agree that men like to be taken care of, but I think she ignores the fact that men have limitless options when it comes to women and so they don't have to be alone.
Women however, have fewer options, and many choose to seek meaningful companionship/relationships over a warm body in their beds.
Think about it: We may know single men, but do we really know men who are really, truly SINGLE? Girl, you know he got somebody — maybe a dinner companion, a bowling buddy or that special "friend" that stays over every once and a while.
Remember, we're their winter coat when it's freezing outside.
Anyway, what do yall think?
Holla at me.
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1 comment:
Yes, I know men who are truly single. Not all men are that smooth or cool or even interested in having disposable relationships.
And I disagree that men have limitless options. Their options are no more or better than ours. Just like some sisters date more than others, it's the same for men.
But I think the point of the author's story is that marriage is often more burdensome for women than it is for men. We are often expected to work full-time AND be full-time caretakers for our families. That is a lot of stress. And women tend to put other people first, long before addressing their own needs. These things make men's lives easier, while decreasing the quality of our lives.
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