Friday, February 25, 2011

Remember the Time

On my way to work this morning I heard R&B singer D'Angelo's song, "Lady" from his 1995 album Brown Sugar.

Man, that song took me back to my days at Ohio State University in Columbus, Ohio. I had to smile. Those were some good times. I began to remember the folks I hung out with and how we created our own community in that predominately White college town. More than a decade later, I've reconnected with many of my Buckeye family via Facebook (gotta love Facebook).

Check out the video of "Lady" below:

Is there a song that takes you back to a special time in your life - maybe a summer romance? a vacation? a college anthem? a high school party song?

There is one song that they played so much in Ohio that when I hear it today, I immediately turn the station - LOL !

Let me know about a song that sticks out in your life's playlist.

Friday, February 18, 2011

Why You're Not Married

The day before Valentine's Day, television writer Tracy McMillan posted an essay on the Huffington Post titled, "Why You're Not Married".

Now I wanted to read this piece because it wasn't race specific, you know, another article saying why professional Black women can't get a man. McMillan, who's been married three times, doesn't make you feel guilty for having a career or make you feel weak for wanting to be loved. And I mean Steve Harvey's on his third wife, so why not have a look at what she has to say - lol.

So here are McMillan's Top 6 Reasons You're Not Married:
1) You're a bitch — According to McMillan, "Female anger scares men. Most men just want to marry someone who is nice to them." She mentions Kim Kardashian who she says smiles and wiggles - no anger there. Now I think I'm a pretty nice lady - until you piss me off (lol). But even then, I just cut you off. No need for all that cussing and fighting. You just don't need to be a part of my life.

2) You're Shallow - McMillan says only one thing matters when choosing a husband and that is CHARACTER. But if we were really looking for a man with character, she notes, "we would have found one by now." Men with character want to commit. Instead, she said we're too hung up on how someone looks or how much money they make. I agree. Check out my previous post, "Me, Jane".

3) You're a Slut - "If you're having sex outside committed relationships, you will have to stop," wrote McMillan. The bonding hormone, oxytocin, she notes, gets us hooked on men we're not really into. I agree. Sex is a powerful drug. How many times have we stayed with a guy that we know ain't no good, but the sex was great? That's why Millionaire Matchmaker Patti Stanger always emphasizes to her couples "no sex without being in an exclusive, committed, monogamous relationship."

4) You're a Liar - You meet a guy. You like him. But he tells you he doesn't want to be in a committed relationship. You lie and tell him you don't either - hoping he'll figure out how great you are and realize that he wants to spend the rest of his life with you. Not gonna happen. Move on.

5) You're Selfish - McMillan writes: "If you're not married, chances are you think a lot about you" — your thighs, your clothes, your career, yoga. "A good wife," she says, "does not spend most of her day thinking about herself." Men are attracted to women with children because they know that these women care about something other than themselves. WOW. I always wondered why the lady next door with 5 kids always had a boyfriend and I couldn't manage to snag one. And that's why my childhood friend in Jackson, a high school drop-out with two kids, was able to marry a lovely, successful man (who is now working on a Ph.D). So is that what I need to do? Get a kid? hmmmmm.

6) You're Not Good Enough - According to McMillan, YOU don't think you're good enough if "you're not looking for a partner who is your equal." We want someone better than we are, she notes: "better looking, better family, better job." Wait a minute. Aren't we suppose to marry up? Look at Kate Middleton. Just Kidding. Anyway, she writes that most of us don't realize that we are good enough as we are and that "women who don't know their own worth make terrible wives." This makes perfect sense of why I'm always choosing Tom over Aaron.

McMillan concludes her essay by saying that every woman can find a great partner. I believe her. There are LOTS of single men out there. But, she notes, we have to realize that "marriage is not about getting," it's about giving.

"Marriage is just a long-term opportunity to practice loving someone even when they don't deserve it," she writes.

So, what do you think about these points?
I can relate to all of them (except I'm not a slut - LOL!).

Let me know your thoughts.

Tuesday, February 15, 2011

Me, Jane

I woke up at 2 a.m. this morning and flipped through my MANY cable channels. I stopped at the movie Broadcast News. I had seen it many times before, but I saw it with new eyes this time.

The 1987 movie centers around three folks who work at a television station. There's Aaron, the super smart, super talented average-looking guy who is a great reporter. There's Jane, the driven, career-minded producer whose energy leaps off the screen. And then there's Tom, the handsome anchor who is all style and no substance.

The film is a love triangle. Aaron loves Jane. Jane loves Tom. Now even though Aaron adores Jane from the top of her perfect nose to her tiny tiptoes, Jane lusts after Tom. She knows he's not smart and realizes he is not honest, but she is enamored with his movie star good looks.

During the film, Jane asks Aaron, where he thinks they'll all be in 10 years. He said, "I'll be married with kids and you'll be single and fat."

Indeed, 7 years later, they all meet up at a function. Tom is engaged to a beautiful blond and Aaron is married with a cute kid.

Jane? She is still single. Her career is her life.

I am Jane.

I have met so many Aarons - average-looking, yet good guys who are brilliant, sweet, kind, caring. But I always ignore them in favor of the Toms - dumb dudes who are all style and no substance.

You would think after more than 20 years of dating, I would get it right. But for some reason I always go for the losers and then I end up disappointed and frustrated. It's a pattern and right now I don't understand why I just can't love the good guy.

In the meantime, the Aarons I've met have gotten married and the Toms have moved on to their next conquest.

Me? I'm Jane, alone with my career.

Thoughts on this?
Why do you think I always choose the losers over the good guys?
Maybe I have a self-esteem issue.
I want love. I believe I deserve love. But I always sabotage myself by hooking up with guys I know deep down are no damn good.

Monday, February 14, 2011

How You Doin'?

So, today is Valentine's Day: the day for lovers or the day for those with a special someone to show that special someone just how special they are - LOL.

If you don't have a special someone, I ask - how you doin'?

How you feeling right now? Does Valentine's Day make you sad? Does it make you long for love? Do you think about what could have been (if I had only done...)?

Do the balloons, flowers, teddy bears and cards remind you of what you don't have?

If you don't have a partner, how are you going to spend today — at home or out with the girls?

Or is Valentine's Day just another day to you?

Let me know your thoughts.

Friday, February 11, 2011

Passport Pals

So, I'm listening to the KANE show right now on 99.5 and his question of the day is:
"If I guy invites you on a trip - say Italy, the Galapagos Islands, Brazil - and pays for everything, (you know airfare, hotel, food, entertainment, tourist activities, etc.) would you feel obligated to sleep with him?

A male listener phoned in and said, "Ladies, if you don't expect to put out, don't get on the plane." (lol)

I have a friend who was invited to the Bahamas with a guy who was extremely interested in her. He paid for everything. She says he was flirtatious but nothing happened because he understood that she was not ready for intimacy. (aaawwww) In fact, she told him that they could only be friends. She respected him because he didn't try to cross any boundaries and didn't make her feel bad about going on the trip.

This summer a guy invited me to go with him to his job conference. I think it was in LA. "Let me know so I can get our tickets," he said. I made up some excuse about having to work. I had only known him a little more than a month. Even though I could have visited friends, I wasn't ready to go on a trip with him.

I mean, would you even go on a trip with someone you weren't interested in? If a guy just wanted to hang out he would have invited one of his buddies or his sister.

What are your thoughts?

Wednesday, February 9, 2011

Harvey v. Harvey

First of all, I didn't know his name was Broderick, but I guess that's why he goes by Steve Harvey.

Anyway, as you know, I'm really following the Steve Harvey/Mary Harvey saga. It keeps getting juicier by the day.

The latest news is that a judge recently ruled that Mary Harvey has been making false allegations and ordered her to stop talking to the media and take down her YouTube videos.

According to an article on, the judge noted Mary Harvey was not left destitute as she has claimed, but was "awarded three homes in the property settlement" and also received $40,000 per month through March 2009 and then an additional $1.5 million." The judge also disputed Mary's claims regarding her son Wynton and Steve's current wife Marjorie. You can read the entire article here.

So what do you think of this latest news? Why would Ms. Mary say those things if there is evidence to prove she's incorrect? Do you think she's upset about Steve's success after standing by him during those tough, early years? also provided a copy of the 4-page court document detailing the judge's ruling. You will find it below after the attorney's letter:
Harvey document

Monday, February 7, 2011

Thursday, February 3, 2011

Golden Sperm

The following post was contributed by a friend. Please read and let me know your thoughts.

Golden Sperm

All this news coverage of Halle & Padma has me thinking of the price one pays for the perfect baby daddy. Both women wanted children. Instead of going to a sperm bank, they wanted to screen potential baby daddies. Both dated the men and dumped them after the child was born, albeit Halle stayed with Gabriel until Nahla was 2 years old. In my opinion, vanity made them select attractive and somewhat successful baby daddies instead of going the sperm bank route. They didn't want to roll the dice on an unseen sperm donor. I think both essentially wanted a sperm donor yet selected men who now want more. Both men are seeking increased visitation and parental rights.

Was the selection of these baby daddies worth the trouble? In addition to negative press, Halle had to leave a movie project to pursue her custody battle.

Years ago, I told a friend that I wanted a child. She advised me to screen men for a potential baby daddy. I responded that I wanted all or none — meaning a true partner or to adopt and be a single partner. I always feared that I would end up being forced to co-parent with someone I didn't want in my life.

What are your thoughts?

So, what do you guys think of this issue?
Do you want to be a mother?
If you don't have a partner, would you go to a sperm bank or prefer to have a child by someone you think is nice or nice-looking?
Would you want to be a single-mother?

Wednesday, February 2, 2011

Truth Hurts

Today I got an email from a guy I had gone out with a few times, maybe three or four times. He wanted to know why I didn't like him, what "turned me off."

"I would just like to know so I can adjust or improve my situation for the next lady I meet," he wrote in the email.

Wow, that really caught me off guard. I mean, what am I suppose to say, "Your man boobs make my stomach turn?"

He's a really nice person, but I just didn't like him. We didn't click. I wasn't physically attracted to him and he was a little too touchy, feely for me. Also, he learns about what's going on in the world through The Michael Baisden Show.

But I just simply said, "You know, I don't think we have a lot in common."

However, I thought his question was bold and honest. I applaud him. He wanted to know what he had done wrong and how he could improve himself so he wouldn't make the same mistakes. He asked what he should change to attract the type of woman he wanted in his life.

I'm not sure I would want to know why someone doesn't like me. I'm a little thin-skinned. My feelings would be hurt - LOL ! I CAN'T HANDLE THE TRUTH !

But seriously, would you want to know how to improve yourself to attract the type of person you wanted? I'm not talking about changing who you are, but improving the basics. Or do you feel like, "This is me, take it or leave it."

So I ask:

Have you ever wondered why it didn't work out with that special someone?

Did you ever really like a guy and sometimes wondered why he stopped calling?

Do you think about what you could have done differently to make him stay? (maybe I should have cooked more or maybe I should have dressed a little sexier or maybe I should have been a little more supportive of his goals or maybe I should have lost weight or maybe I shouldn't have been so mouthy or maybe... you get my drift)

Would you like to know the reasons someone is no longer interested in you?

Let me know your thoughts.