Sunday, March 27, 2011


I blocked his number.

I got tired of his games: the lies, the empty promises. So I went to my Verizon wireless account and entered his number under the Spam controls section - because to me he was spam, wasting my time and filling my inbox with a bunch of junk mail.

Anyway, the spam control lasts 90 days - his will expire on 6/23/11 - that should be enough time for him to figure out that I don't want to deal with him anymore.

This was a long time coming. I consider myself a very patient and understanding person, but I became fed up with the nonsense. It was too much.

I didn't want to be a woman so desperate for a man that I would allow myself to be disrespected and mistreated. I believed I deserved better.

I am interested in dealing with an HONEST person who wants a serious, monogamous relationship.

Let's just say we didn't have the same goals.


Friday, March 25, 2011

Chasing Love

If you paid any attention to the media over the past two years you'd think Black women were the only ones looking for love. I mean it seemed like every month there was an article, radio show or television special about how successful Black women couldn't find a mate. But with the popularity of shows such as The Bachelor, which never runs out of contestants (the majority of whom are successful single White women) it's obvious we're not the only ones looking for love.

Believe it or not, men too are having a hard time finding that special someone. (I must admit that with the number of successful single women available, I find it difficult to believe that a man can't find someone. I personally believe singleness is a CHOICE for men. I think there are SO MANY single women, men are overwhelmed with the sheer number and don't know who to choose, scared they may miss out on the next big thing.)

But I digress.

Today I read an article on about a 40-year-old man in San Francisco who is offering $10,000 to anyone who introduces him to his future wife.

Chas is a copywriter who is ready to get married and have a family. He created a website — Hook Chas up — to give people a glimpse of who he was. He creatively describes himself in a beautiful photo slideshow. You find out he's an optimistic guy who enjoys reading, music, scrabble, tennis and skateboarding. Oh, he likes monkeys too.

Chas explains in Salon that he had tried online dating, but it didn't work. But this sure looks promising. So far he's received more than 700 emails in just 2 weeks from folks who want to hook him up. Not bad.

I think Chas has a clever idea. Who knows if he will find his wife? Do you remember the African American woman who set up a website to find a husband in a year? Unfortunately, her story didn't end up with a trip down the aisle.

What do you think of Chas's idea?
Anyone want to move to San Francisco?

Let me know your thoughts.

Tuesday, March 22, 2011

Cater To You

After I told one of my guy friends about my lack of a love life he decided he would school me a little, enlighten me.

You, he said, "aren't nurturing enough."

Huh? What do you mean? (What you talkin' bout Willis? - lol).

"You need to let a man know that you appreciate him," he said. "You need to make a man feel like you want him, like you need him. You need to make a man feel like a man."


Well, I personally feel like I do make men feel like I need them: I need them to change my lights because I can't reach them; I need them to change my smoke detector batteries because I can't reach them and I need them to rub my feet after a long run.

So what the hell are they complaining about ? (lol)

Ok. Just kidding. But the thing is I feel like I am a nurturing person, but I just haven't dated anyone long enough to show them that side of me. I mean I really haven't met anyone recently who deserves me to cater to them.

When I meet that special someone who is kind, caring and honest, I will reciprocate.

What do you think?
What do you think of what my friend said?
Do you think those of us who are single are single because we don't show our "nurturing" side early enough?

Let me know your thoughts.

Monday, March 21, 2011

How Long?

This weekend I had the great pleasure of participating in a community service event. I worked with a group of women in transitional housing and our task was to create a skit with puppets based on a hypothetical situation.

In our situation:
A lady was 40 years old and had been with her boyfriend for 8 years.
She really wanted to get married. All her friends were married with
children, a house and a dog. She wanted the same. However, her boyfriend was not stepping up to the plate. Her solution was to give him an ultimatum.

Well, the moral of our story was: Wait on The Lord. And there were several bible scriptures listed that talked about the value of patience.

I really enjoyed working with my group and creating the puppets to illustrate our skit.

But later in the day, after all was said and done I wondered about our hypothetical situation. This lady had met this man when she was 32, now 40 - How long should she continue to wait - until he has an epiphany, got his finances straight, sowed his wild oats?

I know someone who was with a guy for 10 years. She gave him an ultimatum and well, they got married. She had the wedding of her dreams. Less than a year later they were separated.

So my questions are:
1) How long is too long? Does it take 8 years to know whether or not you want to marry someone? How long would you be willing to wait? At what point do you stop waiting and move on?

2) Do you think ultimatums work? Do you think she should or should not give him an ultimatum? Do you think some men just need a little "pushing" to realize they love you and can't spend their life without you?

Let me know your thoughts.

Sunday, March 13, 2011

Somewhere New

Last week a friend posted on Facebook that she was having a moving sale. She was selling everything: her furniture, kitchen items, clothes and jewelry.

I asked her where she was going, thinking maybe she was headed back to the South where she was from or maybe to another state where she had a fabulous new job.

She told me she was moving to Ghana.


Yep, she said. Her goal is to get in the tourism industry.


I wish I had the courage to just give up everything, move somewhere new and just start over.

There was a time in my early 20s that I did just that. After I graduated from Ohio State, I worked at a regional magazine in Columbus. A year later, I was bored out of mind and knew that I had to leave if I was going to be happy.

So I packed all my stuff and drove to Atlanta. I didn't have a job, but I had friends from high school and college who lived there.

I got to Atlanta on a Sunday. Monday morning I found my way to the corporate offices of Upscale magazine. I walked into the office without an appointment and introduced myself to the editor. After taking an editing test I was hired on the spot. I started the next day as an editorial assistant, making almost nothing, but at least it was something.

Three months later, I got a call to come work at a magazine in D.C. Again, I packed all my stuff and drove the 10 hours from Atlanta on Martin Luther King Jr. Day. It was 1997. I've been in D.C. ever since.

Today I'm at a crossroads in my life. I'm ready to pack up and move again. I want to go somewhere else, do something different. I've been looking for a job for the past four years. I would like to live in a better environment. I don't have any kind of love life. I wish I could start all over somewhere new.

But I can't.

So, what happened to the fearlessness I had in my 20s?

Well first of all, I just can't, at my age, just up and leave without a plan: call it obligations or call it being an adult. Fifteen years ago I didn't own a home or have the life I have now. Sometimes, however, I wish I wasn't so responsible, so damn dependable.

But I am. I honor my commitments and stay the course.

According to Suze Orman, the housing market is not expected to get better until 2015. Will I be able to stay here for 4 more years without going crazy? I have to. Oprah always says, "you make your own happiness."

So that's what I have to do. I went back to school to get a better job. I'm hoping for change in my neighborhood and I'm optimistic that love is in my future.

What are your thoughts?
Have you ever thought about just packing everything up and starting all over some place new?
Why didn't you?
Would you move without a plan? Without a job?
Would you leave everything behind to pursue a lifelong dream?

Let me know your thoughts.

Thursday, March 10, 2011

What's Your Devil?

Yesterday began the season of Lent. According to, "Lent is a special time of prayer, penance, sacrifice and good works in preparation of the celebration of Easter." The religious site,, describes Lent as a spiritual spring cleaning.


However, most of us think of Lent as giving up something for 40 days. Many of us give up some type of food we love - bread, carbohydrates, meat. For me, it was desert (my biggest weakness). Some people give up alcohol. I know a few folks who try not to use curse words for 40 days.

But for the next 40 days I challenge you to dig a little deeper. What would be a difficult sacrifice? What would be the hardest thing to abstain from?

I ask: What's your devil?
What is that one thing that is keeping you from becoming the person you want to be? It may be wasteful spending; it may be a love for food; it may be procrastination or it may be an addiction to unhealthy relationships.

I just got cable a few weeks ago and dear lord, I think Cable is the Devil - so many channels, so many things to watch. It has literally kept me from doing the things that I need to do - and that's the devil.

So, whatever your devil is, let's try to work on it for the next 40 days - and beyond.

In the meantime, check out Kelly Price singing Healing live:

Wednesday, March 2, 2011

Need a Bag?

When are you getting married?

How do you feel when people ask you that question?

There was a time when my dad would ask me that at least once a month. I became so angry one time, that I yelled through the phone, "WHO AM I GOING TO MARRY?" I didn't mean to become so upset, but he had touched a nerve. I was simply tired of hearing that question — from him, my sister, my grandmothers, family friends, friends who were married.

I was frustrated and hurt. It made me feel like a failure that I had not met anyone who thought enough of me to want to spend the rest of their life with me. I mean, how am I suppose to answer that question? What am I suppose to say? Sometimes I would be flip and say something sassy like, "oh, tomorrow, you should come."

But it's not like I can go in Whole Foods, pick the guy I want and walk out the store.
It's not that simple.

Well, after my little outburst my dad promised that he wouldn't ask me that anymore and he hasn't. It's interesting. We talk about marriage, relationships, men, all the time now. But he has kept his promise.

So I ask:
How do you respond when someone asks, "When are you getting married?"
Do you get offended?
How do you feel?
Do you think it's a rude question?

Let me know your thoughts.

Tuesday, March 1, 2011


This afternoon I opened the latest email newsletter from my yoga studio and found a beautiful essay from the instructor about transitions. Transitions. Transitions. She wrote about patience and compassion, being content and happy. She asked if we felt rushed or nervous or fearful. hmmmmm.

This post is dedicated to my friend who is going through a tough transition. She knows who she is. But whenever I see her, she is smiling. You never see the hurt, even though you know it's there. Maybe she knows something greater is waiting on the other side of this painful period.

Her smile reminds me of the new Kirk Franklin song, "I Smile." Check it out below:

Tell me about one of your tough transitions and how you got through it.
What did you learn from it?
Are you better now?