Sunday, February 28, 2010

Date #2

I had a really good date tonite, a really good date.

As you may know, my first date with a guy I met on was not the best, to say the least. So, I was a little more than apprehensive to go on a date with another guy from Match. But I'm not going to let one bad apple spoil a whole group of boys. Also this time, I had called a couple of friends to let them know that I was going on a date and mentioned the place where we were meeting.

I'll call him Dan. We had been corresponding on Match for about a month and had planned to meet. Then the snow storm hit and with his schedule, my schedule, out of town business trips and a host of other reasons, a whole month had gone by.

But finally we were able to make our schedules work and met tonite for an early dinner at Matchbox in Capitol Hill (isn't it ironic that two people who met on, met at Matchbox for dinner?).

Dan looked a little older than his profile photo, which must have been taken about 10 years ago. He is 47, but he looked a lot younger in his picture. I normally wouldn't date guys that old, but I'm trying "something new." Nevertheless, I had a good time. We had a great conversation. We talked about everything from politics and social issues to the relevancy of the NAACP. I learned he went to Rutgers for his undergrad and an MBA, and that he was in the financial industry.

He even told me a little bit about his family too: how he is the only one of his four brothers still living; how his mother has Alzheimer's and lives with him now. He began taking care of her full-time in January.

He told me of his desire to get married and have children — 6. He wants 6 kids. I looked at him like he was crazy. (cause Lottie not having no 6 kids). Are you serious? I asked. He grinned. I guess he was. Who's gonna pop out 6 kids for dude? And at my age, I don't know if I can have one without any complications and I'm in my mid-30s. I asked him if he had thought about marrying someone who already had kids, a lady with maybe 2 or 3 children (you know, so she wouldn't have to pop out 6). Sure, he said. But he wants his own. okay.

But I really enjoyed this date. Dan was a perfect gentlemen the entire evening. He pulled out chairs, opened car doors. I enjoyed our conversation. It's been so long since I've been on a date and had a real conversation with a man about real issues and he had honest, well-thought out opinions about the challenges in our community. Dan was mature, smart, engaging, at times funny. I was like, this is a nice guy. But more than that he understood what a gratuity was (lol).

So I wondered why he was still single at 47 and why he was on Match.

Maybe I'll ask him on our next date; wait, if there is another date. I admit I'm being a little presumptuous. But I certainly wouldn't mind going out again with him. He was good company.


Thursday, February 18, 2010

Fast, Pray, GIVE

Yesterday was the beginning of the Lent season, usually 40 days of prayer, fasting and confession. In a column, editor Bill McGarvey said Lent is a time to "fast, pray and give."

"Lent is not just what you don't do," McGarvey emphasized in the piece found here . "It's about what you do."

McGarvey challenged readers to:
"Fast from rushing through your day without noticing the beauty around you.
Pray that God might show you something beautiful that you hadn't noticed before.
Give some time to enjoy a piece of art or a nature scene."

So, I have a 40-day challenge for you: Fast, Pray, GIVE

Fast - I don't mean to stop eating ! But FAST from whatever
vice you may have - for some it may be food (bread, pasta,
for me it's desserts); for some it may be alcohol or
drugs. There are some who are addicted to shopping.
Some are addicted to Reality TV. Then again, some are
hooked on texting or social networking sites, like Facebook or Twitter.
Whatever your vice, do you think you can go without it for 40 days?

Pray - Be thankful for all your blessings. We are truly blessed.
Pray for what you want - peace in your home or in the world; a better relationship with your family; a new job; pray to become a better person through self-improvement.
My grandmother always says, "prayer changes things." So, I challenge
you to pray for the next 40 days.

GIVE - You don't have to go out and do community service to GIVE.
You don't have to send a check to your favorite charity to GIVE.
GIVING comes in many forms. You can GIVE someone a smile today or a loving hug. (Hugs are the best medicine). You can GIVE someone an encouraging word. You can GIVE someone a little bit of your time. You can GIVE someone advice. So for the next 40 days, I challenge you to think about how you can GIVE and do it.

Now of course, this is just a challenge.

I'm going to try and give up desserts for the next 40 days. That's going to be very hard because I think my body is addicted to sweets. I'm just happy that I don't have any birthdays coming up soon.

What would be the hardest thing for you to give up for 40 days? What's your vice?

Saturday, February 13, 2010

Bad Romance

I'm in class right now talking about cloud computing (snooozzzzzzz), but I'm thinking about a bad romance. I'm thinking about that one relationship where I just wasn't myself, where I just threw all common sense out the window and did a lot of stupid things that weren't good for me or my self-esteem.

Now, I consider myself a pretty grounded person; someone who usually knows right from wrong; someone who is pretty level-headed and strong-minded. But at one time, believe it or not, I found myself in a bad romance; in a relationship where I wasn't honored or respected or treated like the queen I am. I accepted a lot of bad behavior. Ignored it. I knew that this person was not a good person. He wasn't honest or dependable. He wasn't thoughtful. In fact he was quite selfish. He was sorry. JUST SORRY. I knew I deserved better. But I stayed anyway. I don't know why. I just did.

One day, I finally woke up. No more. I just decided one day I wasn't putting up with it anymore.

I wasted a lot of time in that bad romance; a lot of valuable time that could have been spent with someone more deserving. But I do believe you learn from every romance, even bad ones.

What about you? Have you ever been in a bad romance?

Thursday, February 11, 2010

Mayer Mayhem

I heard that famed singer/guitarist John Mayer used the "n-word" and said some negative stuff about Black women in a recent Playboy interview (March 2010 issue). So of course, I had to go find the interview and see what all the fuss was about. To read the entire Playboy interview click here . It's actually quite interesting.

Here is the part people are up in arms about (taken directly from
"PLAYBOY: If you didn’t know you, would you think you’re a douche bag?

MAYER: It depends on what I picked up. My two biggest hits are “Your Body Is a Wonderland” and “Daughters.” If you think those songs are pandering, then you’ll think I’m a douche bag. It’s like I come on very strong. I am a very…I’m just very. V-E-R-Y. And if you can’t handle very, then I’m a douche bag. But I think the world needs a little very. That’s why black people love me.

PLAYBOY: Because you’re very?

MAYER: Someone asked me the other day, “What does it feel like now to have a hood pass?” And by the way, it’s sort of a contradiction in terms, because if you really had a hood pass, you could call it a nigger pass. Why are you pulling a punch and calling it a hood pass if you really have a hood pass? But I said, “I can’t really have a hood pass. I’ve never walked into a restaurant, asked for a table and been told, ‘We’re full.’"

PLAYBOY: It is true; a lot of rappers love you. You recorded with Common and Kanye West, played live with Jay-Z.

MAYER: What is being black? It’s making the most of your life, not taking a single moment for granted. Taking something that’s seen as a struggle and making it work for you, or you’ll die inside. Not to say that my struggle is like the collective struggle of black America. But maybe my struggle is similar to one black dude’s.

PLAYBOY: Do black women throw themselves at you?

MAYER: I don’t think I open myself to it. My dick is sort of like a white supremacist. I’ve got a Benetton heart and a fuckin’ David Duke cock. I’m going to start dating separately from my dick.

PLAYBOY: Let’s put some names out there. Let’s get specific.

MAYER: I always thought Holly Robinson Peete was gorgeous. Every white dude loved Hilary from The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air. And Kerry Washington. She’s superhot, and she’s also white-girl crazy. Kerry Washington would break your heart like a white girl. Just all of a sudden she’d be like, “Yeah, I sucked his dick. Whatever.” And you’d be like, “What? We weren’t talking about that.” That’s what “Heartbreak Warfare” is all about, when a girl uses jealousy as a tactic."

So tell me, what do you think? What are your thoughts? Should people be upset?

Wednesday, February 10, 2010

Handle Me

In part 1 of a 2 day series on, author Steven James Dixon writes about "The Top Things to Look for in a Man." You can read part one of his commentary here .

I was going along with Mr. Dixon until I got to his last tip:
Look for a man that knows how to handle a woman.

Mr. Dixon writes, "Look for a strong brother that can put you in your place."

Now, I understand most women don't want someone they can just walk all over. They want someone with a spine, a backbone; someone who can stand up for himself and his woman.

But do you want someone who can, "put you in your place?"

First, what does this mean? Second, what do you think about this?

Monday, February 8, 2010

Child Please

I was going to write about my disastrous first online date, but who wants to read the boring details of how the guy tried to force his tongue down my throat and his hands down my pants.

Instead I decided to write about the Real Housewives of Orange County, specifically Lynne and the lack of respect her children have for her and her husband.

Ms. Lynne and her husband have two teenage daughters. The oldest daughter is 19 (she may be 20 now), she refuses to go to college or get a job. Instead she just wants to sleep late, sit around the house all day, go out with her friends at night and go shopping (did I mention she didn't have a job?).

But it's the youngest daughter who disgusts me. This chic talks to her parents any kind of way. She is extremely disrespectful and just an all-around brat.

Since when is it okay to call your mother a b%tch?
When is it okay to call your mother a f&cking liar?
When is it okay to tell your mother that what she's saying is bullsh%t?
When is it okay to walk away from your parents when they're talking to you?
When is it okay to text your friends during a family discussion?
When is it okay to hang up on your parents when they call you to come home?

In one scene, while at a friend's house, Lynne's daughter referred to Lynne as the Devil.

I mean, I wasn't the sweetest teenager. In fact, I was always on punishment. Just bad. One night my dad caught me kissing my high school boyfriend in the driveway when I got home late from the skating rink. He called it, "necking." I was like, "what's that?"

But I digress.

There were probably times that I was a bratty teenager and thought my parents were the devil when I couldn't get my way. But there was a certain level of respect that my parents demanded and that I gave them. Never in a million years would I have cursed out my parents, walked away from them while they were talking to me or told them they were liars. I knew better.

Do you think I would be here today? My dad would have knocked me into yesterday and then helped bury my body. Old school honey.

Ms. Lynne on the other hand, just cries.

Wednesday, February 3, 2010

To Have and To Hold

So, according to a recent article in , Jenny Sanford, wife of fidelity-challenged South Carolina Gov. Mark Sanford tells Barbara Walters in a 20/20 interview that before she got married 20 years ago, her husband "insisted on removing a clause promising to be faithful from their wedding vows."


Your husband INSISTED that you remove a clause promising to be faithful and you married him anyway? If that wasn't a sign...

Jenny explained her decision to Barbara: "We were very young. We were in love. I questioned it, but I got past it."

I know love makes us do a lot of things — like ignore our intuition, our good sense. When it comes to love, we put on blinders. We silence that still voice inside that tells us that something isn't quite right.

As you may recall, last year Gov. Sanford went "missing" for about a week. His staff covered up his absence by saying he was hiking on the Apalachian Trail. In a press conference, Sanford tearfully confessed that he was actually in Argentina with his "soul mate."

Jenny, who suffered embarrassment and humiliation by the lovers' explicit sexual emails, moved out of the governor's mansion and filed for divorce (which should be final this month). Her memoir Staying True is in stores now.

A wise person once said, "When people show you who they are, Believe Them."

Yes. Jenny Sanford has moved on with her life and is a hero to many women for refusing to "stand by her man." But she could have saved herself a lot of pain if she would have just listened to her husband 20 years ago.

He showed her exactly who he was. (low-down, lying, dirty cheat)

What are your thoughts?
Would you marry someone who asked you to remove the vow of faithfulness from your marriage ceremony ?

Monday, February 1, 2010

I Can't Compete

How do you compete with the memory of a long lost love?
How do you compete with a woman you've never seen, but know has the key to his heart?
How do you compete?
There are expectations and qualifications and ...
He's looking for her - again.
But you're not her. You're you.
So how do you compete?
How do you compete with the way she made him feel? laugh? smile?
How do you compete with what was, almost was, wish it was...
He's looking for her - again.
He chooses you.
But you're not her. You're you.
How do you compete?
How do you compete, when you know deep down, he longs for her or something/someone as close to her as possible?
He's searching. He's searching. But he's still single.
He can't find her - again.
How do you compete with vacations and tribulations and
How do you compete with tears and fears and hurt — that bond?
He's comparing you to her, and her to her, and her to her, and her to her. But no one fits the bill!
In his eyes, she was perfect - for him.
He had a ring.
She hurt him. Bad.
He's still single. Searching — for her again.
She's the model. The standard.
How do you compete?

I can't.