Friday, September 30, 2011

Manifesting Love (Part 1)

In August, I listened to a teleclass by motivational speaker Lisa Nichols and relationship expert Mat Boggs. They lectured on the "3 Secrets to Manifesting Love." They claimed that they could help listeners increase our ability to manifest and experience love.

Ha (I'm still single).

Anyway, one of the "secrets" Boggs said was to change our self image. He asked, "What is your hidden self-image?" He noted, "It's always in alignment with your current results."

hmmm. Interesting.

Boggs said that our thoughts, beliefs and actions have a direct impact on what we get out of life - including love. He noted that we may actually be self-sabotaging ourselves by what we think of ourselves.

I liked where he was going with that.

"Who do you believe yourself to be?" Boggs asked. "How much love do you believe you deserve?"

I hear ya Matt: How many times have we put up with some bullsh$t because we thought we couldn't do any better? How many times has our low self-esteem caused us to deal with guys we knew were no good, but we kept going back anyway (out of loneliness maybe)?

I guess there was a time when I didn't have the most positive self-image. I came up with a whole bunch of reasons why I couldn't attract the type of guy I wanted: I had natural hair. I'm overweight. I wasn't tall. I lived in a bad neighborhood. I wasn't polished enough, yada yada yada....

But once I started having a more positive image of myself, I began to attract guys. Now, am I attracting the type of guy I want? Naw... not really. (LOL !!!)

However, I had to stop feeling sorry for myself and concentrate on my assets. In fact, I am convinced that I am great catch - LOL !!! I know that I am not the most beautiful, the most fit, the most successful or have the greatest personality. But I do believe I have a lot of good qualities and a lot of love to give someone special.

Think about it. Men like women with confidence, women who are self-assured, women who BELIEVE in themselves. The comedian Monique ALWAYS has a man (good-looking men too).

So I ask:
Do you have a positive image of yourself?
Have you been unconsciously self-sabotaging your love life with negative thoughts of yourself?

Have you ever thought you couldn't get a date because of your weight, height, skin color or some other physical superficial trait?
Do you believe you haven't found love because of your education or your success?

Do you believe you're a great catch?
Have you ever let your insecurities get the best of you?
Do you believe you DESERVE good love?

Here's your assignment. Puff your chest up. Stand up tall. Hold your head up high. Now say with conviction: By golly, I am a damn good catch ! - LOL :)

And believe it !

Wednesday, September 28, 2011

A Mom at 50

As you guys can see, I'm in a writing mood.

Anyway, got my New York Magazine today. On the cover is a woman over 50 and pregnant. The cover line says, "Is She Just Too Old For This?"

I flip to the article and see the headline: Parents of A Certain Age. Right above, there's a question — "Is there anything wrong with being 53 and pregnant?" (Read the story here.)


I love my twin nephews and my niece. I LOVE being around them and miss them when I'm not with them. They bring a sense of JOY in my life and just the thought of them makes me SMILE. (Adam saw the nail polish on my toes and innocently asked, "does that hurt?" - lol) But as I get closer to 40, I wonder: Do I want to be a mom - NOW?

I see how my sister juggles three kids and a job — and man, it's hard work. It takes a lot of strength, energy, patience and selflessness. I just get tired thinking about all the stuff she does. It's a big sacrifice. You no longer just have yourself to think about.

So, I have to confess, right now, at this moment, I like my freedom. I can go wherever I want when I want (money and time — and deadlines — permitting) and do what I want to do without worrying about the safety and well-being of another person. I see how my sister is limited in what she can do and where she can go because she can't find a babysitter for the twins or Gabrielle, my niece. She has to take off work when one of the kids is sick and I can't tell you the last time she was able to sit peacefully and observe a church service (those twins are something in church). It can be daunting at times (my sister has called me in tears).

I have to be honest: Do I want to deal with all that at 50? (when other moms are shipping their kids off to college)

But all around me, I see women choosing motherhood — by any means necessary. And they are HAPPY.

So what do you think?
Is 50 too old to START a family?
Would you want to be 53 and pregnant?
For you, is there a cut-off age of when you want to have children? 45? 50? 60?
What are some factors that you will take in consideration in deciding whether or not to have children after age 40?

Let me know your thoughts.

Sanders vs. Sanders

There's a RUMOR going on that Deion Sanders served his wife, Pilar, with divorce papers. According to this piece on, Mrs. Sanders was taken by surprise.

An article on the website HelloBeautiful claimed that the former professional football player and spokesman said: “Enough is enough. I never signed up for all this. Enough is enough. If I wanted a model or a television star I would have married one a long time ago. All I wanted was a housewife.”

Lately Pilar has been seen on VH1's Football Wives and most recently Single Ladies. She and her husband of 11 years even had a show on the Oxygen network called Pilar & Deion: Prime Time Love. I read on that the model and mother of three is trying to expand her brand with a new perfume and is even dipping into music.

But according to several news outlets, including this piece on Deion has emphatically denied filing for divorce, posting on twitter: "Ladies and gentlemen I never address IGNORANCE but I must at this point. I've never filed 4 divorce and hadn't made a statement to ANY media... When we start viewing, relying and believing gossip sites for information it says alot about oneself! God bless u all, Live, Love and Laugh!"

Well, I have to say this - none of us really knows what's going on in this marriage. On the outside, they are a beautiful couple indeed. But no one knows what goes on behind closed doors and out of the reality spotlight.

I hope these RUMORS aren't true: that Deion is leaving his wife because she wants to pursue a career outside the home. As an NFL wife, she supported him through the ups and downs of his football career. Now I hope he supports her as she tries to make a name for herself on her own.


Morning Quote

I came across this quote this morning in my inbox from and had to share it:
“To be fully seen by somebody, then, and be loved anyhow—this is a human offering that can border on miraculous.”
— Elizabeth Gilbert


This is a powerful statement. And isn't this what we all want — to have someone, despite all our faults and imperfections, love us anyhow?


Monday, September 26, 2011

Loving Him (Part 2)

So today I want to talk about Daddy issues.

On one of the episodes of Basketball Wives, cast member Evelyn Lozado confronted her father about not being there for her growing up. She said during the episode, "When you don't have a father in your life, that's just such a big part of your life missing." She noted that she was looking for love in all the wrong places because she didn't have a father and that a lot of the bad decisions that she made had to do with the fact that her father was absent from her life.
Check out the video below:


As a child, did you see your parents in a loving relationship? Was your father in the home? Do you think the relationship you witnessed as a child between your parents has any impact on your romantic situation today? If your father wasn't in the home, do you think that has had an impact on how you relate to men?

Think about it.

How did your father treat your mother? Did you have a positive example of Black Love in your home? Do you want someone like your father? Was your image of men shaped by your relationship with your father?

A male friend told me that his mother and father were always loving toward one another and his father taught him to always respect his mother. He said more than anything he wanted the kind of relationship his parents had. He got married right after college and today he and his wife have five children. He adores his wife like his father adored his mother.

So I ask: Is your expectation of a relationship based on what you learned or witnessed growing up? (How can you do any better when you don't know any better? How can you emulate what you don't see?)

Do you believe your single situation today has anything to do with how you learned to relate to men growing up? Did you have a male figure in your life to show you how you are suppose to be treated?

Man. I got a lot of questions - LOL !

Let me know your thoughts.

Sunday, September 25, 2011

Loving Him (Part 1)

This afternoon I was reading the Huffington PostDC and came across an article titled, "How to Make a Man Fall in Love with You." Well you know I had to check it out.

In the piece, author Dr. Ali Binazir lists 3 ways to make a man fall in love with you. I was most interested in the last reason which was: Bring out the Best in Him.

According to Binazir: "A man will steadily fall more and more in love with a woman who steadily helps him become more and more the man he has always wanted to be. Not only can you help nurture the vision that he has of his own greatness, but you can go one step beyond and encourage him to be even bigger than he has ever imagined himself... He will feel taller, stronger, more capable, more masculine. And chances are that he's not getting anything like that anywhere else. Which means that he's more likely to stay with you for the long run."

This was interesting to me because we always talk about what a man is suppose to do in a relationship. He's suppose to be the provider and the protector. He's suppose to court us. He's suppose to take us out... and pay always (LOL) .

But I ask: What is your role in this relationship? Other than allowing him to call you and take you out on dates, what are you bringing to this (and don't say sex)? Are you encouraging? Are you supportive of his dreams? How are you helping him reach his goals? Are you a Help Mate? This is suppose to be a partnership, but is he doing all the work? Or do you believe your companionship should be good enough?

Think about it. Is a relationship suppose to be only what a man can do for you?

My former co-worker's wife BELIEVES in her husband and will tell anybody within earshot how great he is. She supports his goals and is his biggest cheerleader, doing everything SHE can to help him achieve his dream. No one and I mean no one, is better than HER man - lol! They've been married 25 years (and counting).

So, this week I've decided to do a series on this topic because I've come across several articles that talk about what attracts men.

In the meantime, let me know your thoughts on Dr. Binazir's theory. What do you think of the concept of being encouraging, supportive, nurturing? And if you're not, does that mean you're selfish?

holla at me.

Wednesday, September 21, 2011

Wedding Plans

I was watching an episode of Basketball Wives LA (my new guilty pleasure) and one of the cast members said she was engaged for 9 years. She and her fiance ultimately broke up.

So, just a simple question today:
Would you be in engaged for 9 years? Why or Why not?

Once you get the ring, how long does it take to walk down the aisle?

I understand that there could be unforeseen circumstances — a family death, financial problems, conflict with setting a date because of other obligations, I mean anything...maybe the beautiful venue where you really, really wanted to hold your ceremony is so booked that it isn't available until 9 years from now and that's the ONLY place you want to get married. It's your dream spot - lol...

For example, I have a friend who was suppose to get married in August, but she postponed her wedding until next year because her aunt is suffering from cancer and could die any day now.

But she had already planned the wedding (got her gown, flowers, reception hall, etc.). She's waiting a year - not 9.

I don't know. It seems like an engagement goes beyond just having a ring. It's something about planning a wedding that makes it more concrete - hey, we're actually doing this, we're gonna be husband and wife.

But even PLANS change...(Cookie had planned a wedding twice before she and Magic actually tied the knot.)

Anyway, I'm going on and on now. So let me know your thoughts.

Monday, September 19, 2011

When a Man Cries

Yall know I'm a hopeless romantic. So when I saw former pro-basketball player Doug Christie break down while saying his wedding vows (for the 16th time) to his wife Jackie during the most recent episode of Basketball Wives - LA, I was moved.

He choked up during the part, "in sickness and in health. I will cherish you for as long as we both shall live."

For a man to let his guard down and show his vulnerability, show the world how much he loves his wife — that's beautiful to me.

But I wasn't the only one moved. All the guests were crying too. (LOL)

Take a look at the Christies exchange vows for the 16th time and let me know what you think.

Sunday, September 18, 2011

A Virtuous Woman

On a recent episode of The Millionaire Matchmaker, Patti Stanger enlists the help of relationship expert Dr. Pat Allen to get to the bottom of why William, a successful entrepreneur, can't seem to find love.

He tells her he wants a girl who makes him pursue her.

Dr. Allen tells him, "All she's got to do is keep her legs crossed. You've been had by women who've been trained to seduce you because you got a couple of bucks in the bank." (wow, I went to the wrong school - more on this later.)

He admits that after he has sex with a woman, he loses interest.

"A woman who passes the test of virtue, you can take home to your mom," Allen tells William. "Men fall in love with virtue not vaginas."

Interesting...Do you agree?

Check out the video below and let me know your thoughts.

Saturday, September 17, 2011

The Caller

On my way to Jazzericse this morning, I was listening to the Audrey Chapman Show. The relationship expert was talking to Ralph Richard Banks, author of the new book Is Marriage for White People? How the African American Marriage Decline Affects Everyone.

An older gentlemen called into the show. He talked about how great Black women were, how they were the backbone of the Black community and a lot of other nice, uplifting stuff.

Audrey asked him if he was married. He said no, but had lived with someone for 15 years. His lady love had died. At 58, he's now realizing how great she was.

Audrey asked him why he never married her.

He explained that he was a writer and never, really had a steady job. He believed that a husband is suppose to provide and felt that he was not financially stable enough to get married.

"But what was the difference between living with someone for 15 years and marrying them?" Audrey asked.

This man hemmed and hawed and gave some type of non-answer.

"She probably wanted to get married," he finally surmised with a bit of regret in his voice.

But Audrey made it clear: She wanted to get married.

It was sad to hear because this lady had been with this man for I don't know how long, lived with him for 15 years and died without ever calling him husband. And at nearly 60 he's thinking about what could have been.


Maybe she didn't want to get married. Obviously she stayed with this man for 15 years without a ring. Maybe she was content with the way things were. If she was unhappy she would have left - right?
Do you think they would have married if she had demanded they get married (or else I'm out)?
Do you think he used his financial situation as an excuse?

Let me know your thoughts.

Wednesday, September 14, 2011

A Hairy Situation

I had a hair appointment this morning. I was on time.

I, along with 3 others, sat in the reception area waiting for our stylists to show up. I was happy that I had picked up a muffin and juice on my way in. Starving, I had skipped breakfast to make sure that I got to my appointment on time.

The receptionist finally said, "Lottie, Suzie (not her real name) said she's on her way." This was about 9:10.

On her way? My appointment was at 9 a.m. and she's calling at 9:10 saying she's on her way?

I was a little dismayed. First of all I park at a meter and made a special stop at the bank to get quarters - enough to last for my appointment. But I realized that I would have to keep feeding the meter before my appointment was up.

After checking to see how much time I had left on the meter, I went back inside to find the shampoo lady getting her hair washed.


Isn't she suppose to make sure that customers get their hair washed before she decides to take care of her own locs?

This appointment was not starting off well.

Anyway, the shampoo lady finally decided to wash my hair and I'm disappointed. The water is too hot and she's rough - maybe she's in a hurry ?

I don't know. But I tell her the water's too hot and kindly ask her if she could be a little more gentle.

A little aside: One of the things that I really enjoy is getting my hair washed. I love the scents of the different shampoos and conditioners. But most of all I enjoy the nice head massages that I usually get.

My stylist finally shows up. It's 9:35.

She's smiling, unapologetic about her tardiness. She does my hair, I give her a tip (but not the usual amount) and I'm off. But I'm really thinking about going to another hair salon.

See, this isn't the first time I've experienced this type of behavior at this salon. There have been many times I've shown up for my appointment and my stylist isn't there yet. Most of the time she apologizes for her tardiness. The excuse use to be traffic.

Well, she had a baby in May and came back in July. I do understand that she has to work out all the kinks of being a new mother.


I've been going to this specific salon for about 3 or 4 years now, just a little bit before I decided to loc my hair. I chose this salon because it is close to my job - less than 5 minutes. I purposely book my appointments during the middle of the week - a Tuesday or Wednesday - to make sure I'm not waiting for hours on a Friday or Saturday. I also always make sure that I'm my stylist's first appointment so that I can get in and out. But most of all I like the great hair care they provide - like the herbal treatments - and healthy products they use.

I've tried another salon before and it isn't the same. My hair doesn't feel or look the same and doesn't last as long. (Must be the products.)

So I ask, am I going a little overboard with thinking about finding another salon?
Do you think I should be a little more understanding since my stylist recently had a baby - trying to juggle her new role as a mother with her job?
Should I dismiss the tardiness, just over look it?(What about respect for my time?)
Should I require more professionalism out of a salon (why is the shampoo lady getting her own hair done before the customers?)?
Should I just suck it up because this is how hair salons operate?

Shouldn't good customer service be just as important as good hair care?
What would you do?

Let me know your thoughts.

Sunday, September 11, 2011

So what gives

I met three guys this weekend.
Two of them asked for my number.
One of them called tonite.

Ironically, the one I was most attracted to didn't seem that interested in getting to know me.

I met him yesterday at the National Council of Negro Women Black Family Reunion celebration. I had decided to check out the festival before going to church.

I walked into the Health pavilion and saw a table for vision screening, another for body wraps. I stopped at the My Weight Doctor booth to get some info on weight loss.

As I walked out of the tent, a man walked out beside me.

"How you doing?" he asked. He was tall, dark with a shaved head. He had on a crisp white shirt. Neat, dark denim jeans. More than casual brown shoes. A gold ring on his pinky finger.

"I'm great. And you?" I asked.

"I'm doing pretty good."

He had a nice smile.

"It's such a nice day. But the ground is still wet from the rain earlier this week," I said.

"Yeah the ground is damp."

We kept walking and talking and walking and talking. He told me his name. I told him mine.

I learned that he was from Texas. He's lived in this area (Va.) for two years and works in Fort Belvoir. He likes it here. Lots of stuff to do he said.

I told him that the event used to be bigger - 2 days.

I saw him look over at one of the tents where a young dance company was performing. He seemed like he wanted to check them out.

"Well, I won't hold you up," I said. I held out my hand, "nice meeting you."

"It was good meeting you to Lottie."

"Alright, talk to you later," I said.

And that was it. I walked away.

He didn't ask for my number, my card or anything. At that point, the ball was in his court and I believe that if he was genuinely interested in me he would have asked how he could contact me, stay in touch.

But he didn't.

So, what gives?
Do you think he was married? I didn't see a ring (but that doesn't mean anything).
Do you think he has a girlfriend and was just being polite?
Why was he doing all that walking and talking?

Maybe he just wasn't into me after our conversation.

I don't know guys. What do you think?

Let me know your thoughts.

Friday, September 9, 2011

A Weighty Issue

So, I'm up again at 4 a.m, flipping through tv channels. I land on Bridezillas. It's one of the "Where are They Now" episodes.

Anyway, I was appalled when I saw that one of these obnoxious bridezillas had weighed her bridesmaids on national tv and then got rid of the ones she thought were overweight.


First of all, these were women SHE asked to be in her wedding. Didn't she know what size they were when she first asked them to be a bridesmaid? If she was so concerned about their weight, why ask them at all?

But that's not even the point.

These were supposedly her good friends who SHE wanted to be part of her special day. She's known these women for years. I'm sure she didn't care about their size when she needed to get out of a difficult situation or needed a shoulder to cry on during a personal tragedy.

So, why all of a sudden are these women not good enough? What does size have to do with friendship?

I was disgusted.

I think it's rude to ask someone to be in your wedding and then throw them out because they don't meet YOUR weight requirements - they're not the size YOU want them to be. It's hurtful and a disregard for others' feelings.

What do you think? Have you seen a situation like this?

Let me know your thoughts.

Thursday, September 8, 2011

Big Sexy

The new TLC show Big Sexy follows the lives of plus-size women who confront the realities of living in a world that doesn't value women over a size 2.

Comedian Erica Watson was on the most recent episode. Check out what she says about dating:


Wednesday, September 7, 2011

Being a Girl

brushes at the ready!

I know image is everything. Appearance is important. (yada, yada, yada)

But man, being a girl is expensive - the hair, the nails, the waxing (all over - lol), the makeup.

Let's not talk about clothes or shoes — or the undergarments that make us look good in those clothes.

By the way, has anyone found stylish high heels that I can walk in, dance in or stand in for more than 2 hours? geez...

And what about the dang accessories to go with the outfit - the fashion belts, jewelry, cute handbags.

And then you want me to do what? $%#t!

Even though I don't consider myself high maintenance — minimal makeup, conservative clothing (for the most part), comfortable shoes — I feel like I need a raise just to look presentable !

I know, I know: Some guys are into grooming just as much as some women. But I'm just doing a little venting on this rainy afternoon.

I have to admit though, don't you feel good when you look great? It's definitely a confidence booster.

So, tell me:
Do you know anyone who won't leave the house without makeup? Will you?

Do you know someone who will refuse to attend an event because her hair isn't done? What about you?

Have you ever decided not to go somewhere because you didn't have anything to wear (even though you have a closet full of clothes)?

Can you tell when someone's feet hurt in her super cute shoes?

Has there been a time when you've thrown on sweatpants, a baggy t-shirt, old sneakers and a hat to make a quick run to the grocery store - and then ended up in Target?

How do you look when you go to the gym? Does your top match your shoes? Are you fully made up or do you wear a scarf to protect your hair?

Would you date a guy who gets manicures?

Tell me your stories about being a girl.

Monday, September 5, 2011

The Right Way

Last week I had the pleasure of being a substitute journalism professor at Howard University. I taught a Magazine journalism class, which consisted of 10 ladies and one man. I asked them who they liked and they all said - BEYONCE !

Beyonce? Why?

They were thrilled about her new baby bump.

One student explained: "She did it right. She concentrated on her career, became successful, met someone, fell in love, got married and now she's having a baby."

The one guy said: "She not having a whole lotta babies out of wedlock." (Was he making a snide reference to Lauryn Hill and Erykah Badu?)

And another student told me: "She is showing us that you can have it all — the successful career, husband and family. She's a role model."

"And he loves her," a student in the back added. "Did you see how happy Jay was?"

They all nodded in agreement.

I smiled. I know these students probably look at women in my generation and shake their heads. We are the ones that the news stories are about: successful Black women who can't find a mate.

They see Beyonce not only as their role model, but as a peer to look up to: If she did it, so can I.

They want the career and success, but they also want a family. Beyonce is showing them that they can have it all.