Sunday, August 28, 2011

Call Waiting

Yesterday after my Jazzercise class one of the students, a White male between his mid-40s or mid-50s, came up to me. "Can I call you sometime?" he asked.

"Sure," I replied and wrote my number down on a piece of paper.

A few weeks earlier, he had come up to me and slipped me his number. I put it in my purse, but never called him. So I guess he thought it would be better if he asked for mine.

Last month, the men of Omega Psi Phi fraternity held their centennial celebration here in the nation's capital. I met several guys, one was a doctor from Tennessee.

We talked a good while and he gave me his card before I left to go home. (My feet were killing me!) Not once did he ask for my number or inquire about how he could keep in touch with me.

A few people have asked me if I've heard from the doctor. I haven't heard from the doctor because I refuse to call the doctor. I don't think "The Doctor" was that into me. If he was - he would have asked for my number or my card or a way to contact me. Instead he wanted me to call him the next day - I guess maybe to hang out.

But I had to put that weekend in perspective. For guys, it was a weekend of fun. They were hanging with their bruhs, who knows how many other women "the doctor" gave his number to; better yet, who he had waiting for him back in Tennessee.

Did I miss out on a good thing? Who knows? I doubt it.

But I'm sticking to my belief: If a guy doesn't ask for your contact information (number, email, business card), he's really not that interested in getting to know you. He's just not that into you.

Let me know how you feel.

Thursday, August 25, 2011

Can You Have It All?

Bethenny Frankel brings SkinnyGirl Margaritas to Dallas

Success. Marriage. Family.

A few years ago on the Real Housewives of New York, Bethenny Frankel tearfully confessed to her then-friend Jill Zarin how she longed for a husband and family, yet her career was just taking off and she wanted to realize her dreams, be successful.

Jill gently told her, you can't have it all. She had to choose: successful career or family.

Well, Bethenny has it all. Earlier this year she graced the cover of Forbes magazine. Frankel, 40, had recently sold her Skinnygirl Margarita drink for $100 million. She also is a New York Times best-selling author and has her own show on Bravo, Bethenny Ever After about, guess what - her family. She has a handsome husband and beautiful little baby.

She's living her dream: family and success.

But can you really DO it all - and be successful at all of it?

I recently interviewed an entrepreneur who once owned a billion dollar company. She sold her company after she had a child. She learned, she said, that she couldn't give 100% to her company and 100% to her child. She wanted to be a great mother as well as a great business owner. "I didn't have 300% inside me," she said.

Oprah has noted the sacrifices it takes to be a great mother. She's said that she could not have done her show the way she did it, if she had had children. She also has said that if she had gotten married she would be divorced because with marriage there are expectations.

Those expectations may have led to the breakup of Jennifer Lopez and Marc Anthony. They married, had twins and everything seemed cool. Ironically once Jennifer re-entered the workforce — as a judge on AMERICAN IDOL, commercials for L'Oreal and Gillette, a new album — her marriage unraveled.

Obviously we see women everyday who are able to juggle careers and family. There's no better example than Michelle Obama, an Ivy-league educated professional who is able to carry out her duties as First Lady, be a supportive spouse to the President and raise two well-adjusted children.

But you also can't ignore the fact that two of the most powerful Black women in the world, Oprah Winfrey and Condoleeza Rice, don't have families.

So I ask:
Is it possible to give 100% to a family and 100% to a career?
Does your family life determine how far you can go with your career?
Can I be super, uber successful and have a supportive spouse who understands my ambition or will I be expected to put my career on hold to be the supportive spouse of a successful mate?


Let me know your thoughts.

Wednesday, August 24, 2011

A Test Run

So, what if you went out on a date with a guy - your first date - and he left his wallet at home? What would you do? Would you offer to pay for dinner (how else are you guys gonna get out of the restaurant - lol)?

Would you be upset, pissed off? Would you think he left it on purpose because he was cheap?

Okay, now - What if you found out later that he was only testing you to see how you would react? What if he confesses that he only did that to see if you were a gold-digger?

How would you feel?

Let me know your thoughts.

Saturday, August 20, 2011

Partner or Provider?

After my Jazzercise class this morning, a woman was talking to me about her 29-year-old son. He's dating a girl, she said, who is a registered nurse and is in school getting a master's degree. She eventually wants to be a doctor.

That's great, I said.

My son, she told me, works for a security company and does some club promoting on the side. But he's not going to settle down with her.

Why not, I asked.

Well, he doesn't feel accomplished around her, she said.

I listened.

She tried to explain: "Have you read Steve Harvey's book? The second one?"

No, I confessed.

"Well, in it he says a REAL man does 3 things for his lady: He's a protector, a provider and professes his love for her in public," she said. "My son doesn't think he can be a good provider at this time."

I understood. Her son didn't want to commit to a young lady because he thought she was too ambitious. He didn't feel BIG enough around her.

"You know you have to lift a man's ego," she said.

I could tell she really liked the young lady and was a bit disappointed with her son: "I know at some point you have to let your child grow up and make their own mistakes," she said.

But I realized as a person gets older and matures they want different things.

For example, as I get closer to 40 some women in my age group would like to have a man who is a provider (though they've been on their own for most of their life) and others just want a partner.

Me? Right now, I just want someone to rub my feet (LOL !)

What about you?
Do you want a provider or a partner?
Have your wants changed as you've gotten older? If so, how?

Thursday, August 11, 2011

(Almost) Perfect

He was (almost) everything I wanted.

Strong in mind and body. Smart. Good-looking. Passionate. A gentleman.

We talked about everything from social issues to gentrification, community-organizing, history, sports.

I was impressed.

I don't remember the last time I had such an intellectually stimulating conversation (with a man not my boss). I felt a little excitement growing in my belly.

He seemed to be the total package: beauty, brains and class.

Then he mentioned his two kids.


But I was even more disappointed when I met the woman of the house...

Wednesday, August 10, 2011

Insomnia -II

Why am I dealing with this dude?

He seemed cool at first. But I've realized we don't have much in common. The more time I spend with him, the less I like him.

He lacks substance.

I guess I'm bored and he's there, just something to do until something better comes along...