Friday, December 31, 2010


Today is the last day of 2010. How was your year? What did you do?

Did you accomplish all that you wanted this year? What were some of your big achievements?

What is your proudest moment? Think about it.

Now, what were some of the biggest surprises? What did you experience this year that changed your life - forever?

Finally, what are some things that you didn't quite get to? Why?

Wednesday, December 29, 2010

Privacy and Passwords

You've probably seen the case in Michigan in which a man has been charged with a felony for logging into his wife's personal email account. He wanted to confirm his suspicions of an affair. According to Leon Walker, he and his wife shared a computer in their home. He says his wife kept a list of her passwords next to the computer. Check out the story here from ABC News:

Now Leon did confirm that his wife was having an affair with her first husband, who he alleges used to beat his wife in front of her child. So he shared the emails with the father of his wife's child. wow.

Anyway, I'm not married and currently not in a serious relationship. But I wonder if I would give my spouse/significant other the password to my personal email accounts or my Facebook or Twitter accounts?

Would I want the passwords to his accounts? Would I want to know who is talking to — and about what?

I want to be trusting and I want to be trusted. Trust is earned and I hope that I have good sense to get involved with someone who is trustworthy (my track record is a little shaky).

There was a segment on one of the morning shows yesterday that discussed a recent report on financial infidelity - spending money your spouse doesn't know about. The report noted that while women spent money on clothes, men spent money on DATING WEBSITES ! (what?)

Anyway, I'm digressing.

What do you guys think about marriage and passwords and privacy?
Did Leon have reason to check his wife's email if he thought her child was in danger?
Would you want your spouse/significant other to read your personal emails?
Should your spouse/significant other have access to all your social networking accounts? (facebook, twitter, etc.)
Is it okay to have an email account that your spouse/significant other doesn't know about?
What about personal privacy? Does that exist in a marriage?

Let me know your thoughts.

Monday, December 27, 2010


“You look like you cold.”

I was waiting for a train when a maintenance man began emptying the trash can next to my bench. Even though I was bundled up pretty good, I must have been shivering.

“You need to put some clothes on.”

I smiled politely.

I guess that was an invitation for him to sit next to me on the bench. He was a beautiful chocolate brown. Heavy set. Maybe in his ‘50s.

“Can you cook?”

Yeah, I finally answered him.

“I can tell.”

If my eyes were bullets they would have killed him.

“What? I was giving you a compliment.”

Calling me overweight is not a compliment, I said, annoyed.

“Hey, I like women your size. You got kids?”

I didn’t answer.

“Every woman I meet got kids. I don’t have any kids. I don’t smoke. I don’t drink. I work hard. I work every day.”

I didn’t say anything.

He continued. “I mean when I meet a woman I not only take care of her, I take care of her kids. You know you got to take the whole package. I buy them shoes, coats. But they daddy usually come back in the picture because they get jealous that somebody else treating they kids better than them.”

I listened.

“You got a man? Yeah, you do,” he said before I could answer. “Somebody look like you gotta have a man. What yo’ man do?”

I remained silent.

“If I was your man, I would treat you like a queen.”

Finally I spoke up: “Every man says that when they first meet you, but for whatever reason they fall short. It’s a lot of talk.”

That got him riled up.

“My daddy always told me when you find a good woman treat her right. And my daddy taught me a lot of things. I didn’t learn about love out there in the streets. He told me when a woman cheats it’s because she’s trying to prove that she still got it. But it’s like ice cream. It feels good when you’re eating it, but once you’re finished the feeling is all gone.”

By that time my train had come and I got up.

Have a nice day, I said while walking toward one of the open doors.

“Oh, by the way my name is Leon. You never told me what your man does for a living.”

I smiled and waved goodbye as I stepped on board.

Sunday, December 26, 2010

What Do the Lonely Do?

I love the holidays — the parties, the shopping (limited), the music. It's a busy time of year — an opportunity to reconnect with friends and continue family traditions.

But it's also a reminder of my singleness.

When I go home, everybody has somebody except me. My sister has a family. All my step siblings have families. My friends who live in Jackson have families — even if they're not married they have children. My close friends who I grew up with no longer come home because, well, they have families.

When the family gathers on Christmas Eve and Christmas Day, everybody's with their significant other (or children) - except me. I have no husband or no kid.

Now, this never use to bother me. I was the career-minded professional who would travel home to Jackson from the big city during holidays. But as I get older, I look like the lonely spinster who can't find a man.

Don't get me wrong, I love my family dearly and look forward to going home (especially since my sister had twins). They seem genuinely happy to see me when I come visit. But my dad, in his indirect way, always finds a way to ask when I'm going to get married.

So, what do the lonely do at Christmas? They smile, eat good food, hand out gifts, visit grandma and get back on a plane to resume their single life.

It reminds me of the holiday song: WHAT DO THE LONELY DO AT CHRISTMAS by the Emotions. Listen to it below:

What are your thoughts?

Friday, December 17, 2010

Where Yo Man?

Earlier today, a contractor stopped by to give me an estimate on replacing my gutter and fixing my roof. After he told me how much it would cost, I told him I would have to get back to him after the holidays. Christmas is next week and I need every little penny.

"Why don't you just get the money from your man?" he asked.

I just stared at him.

"I know you a independent woman and all, but if he was any kind of man he would make sure his woman was taken care of. He would make sure your house is fixed and give you the money to do stuff like this."

I didn't know what to say. He was an older gentleman and I guess a little old school.

I mean this is my home. I bought it and am responsible for the upkeep. Even if I had a boyfriend or "a man", I wouldn't expect him to pay to get stuff fixed - or should I?

Maybe I'm living in a different world.

Last week I rushed out of the house to take my garbage out as the trash removal truck pulled up in my alley. It was freezing cold and I made it just in time. One of the guys asked, "What you doing out here? Why didn't your man take the garbage out?" "Where yo man? He should be out here."

I smiled politely and told them to have a good day.

I don't know. I've been single so long, I'm just used to doing stuff myself. I'm sure if I was in a relationship and my male friend took the garbage out, I wouldn't object -LOL. But I don't know if I would let him pay to get a major repair done in my home.

What do you guys think about this?
If I had a significant male partner, should I expect him to pay for the upkeep of my house? What if he offered to pay for a major repair?
Should I expect him to do things like take out the garbage?

Let me know your thoughts.

Wednesday, December 15, 2010

Forgive Me Please

I received an email yesterday from a guy I had gone out with more than a year ago. The subject line said: "Never meant to hurt you."

The body of the text simply said:
"I am sorry for any pain or hurt I ever caused you directly. Just thinking about you and felt you deserved that."


I was extremely surprised to get an email from this person. But I also thought it was very presumptuous of him to believe that he had caused me any pain.

Anyway, I had gone out several times with this young man. On one evening we were suppose to meet at a local lounge. He was very late and when he did show up, it was obvious that he had been drinking. His eyes were red and he was talking very loudly. I mean people were looking at us.

Hurt? No — just embarrassed and disappointed in his behavior.

When we were leaving out the lounge, the security guard told me to make sure he got home safely (jeez..). Well, that irked my date and as he walked me to my car he started going off, "that nigga don't know me. I got folks who will kill for me !"

Well, that did it. I was done! I mean done !

I never talked to him again after that. I didn't return any phone calls or text messages. I de-friended him on Facebook.

So, I was surprised when I received his email yesterday. I didn't respond (and won't) but I had to chuckle: He never hurt me. I was just scared for my life - LOL !!!

However, I was impressed with his note. I think it's very big of a person to say 'I'm sorry,' or to apologize for wrongdoing.

I guess in his own way, he was asking for forgiveness for anything that he might have done to cause me pain. I don't know why he decided to do it now (nearly 2 years later). I guess the holidays make people feel a little guilty for their past transgressions.

Do you need to do a little forgiving?
Is there anyone you would like to apologize to?
Is there anyone that you believe owes you an apology for the pain they may have caused in your life?
Is there something that you absolutely cannot forgive?

Let me know your thoughts.

photo by danaphotography.

Tuesday, December 7, 2010

When It Rains

Man, when it rains it pours.

I pray every morning that my car will crank. It needs a new battery.

My gutter fell off my house last week during a terrible wind storm. The guy who was suppose to put it back stood me up. Now I have to find someone else to do it.

My tenants are calling with all kinds of problems: the shower head is broken, leaks in the kitchen and bathroom, drawers need to be repaired.

And then I just got a call from my mentee, she was crying because she has no way home for Christmas. (i'm a sucker for Norquesha's tears). She wanted to know if I could help her out and get her a train ticket to D.C.

Well, I wanna go home too to see my family — my father, my nephews, my grandmother.

Christmas is just a few weeks away and I feel overwhelmed. It just seems that everything's coming at me all at once. It's the end of the year and stuff is just breaking down. (isn't this suppose to be a time of good cheer?)

AAAAAAAWWWWWW !!!!! Makes me wanna holla ! AAAAAAWWWWW !!!!!!

But I have to remind myself to put things in perspective. Things could be worse: I could have no home, no transportation and I am thankful for my family when my mentee needs my support.

So, even though I'm complaining, I'll get over it. I just need to find a yoga class this week.

photo by mysza831.

Friday, December 3, 2010

Writer's Block

I can't finish my story for nothing !

I keep getting distracted by reality tv. I'm hooked on Hulu (just finished watching Running Russell Simmons).

Anyway, I need something to help me get my groove back right away.

I'm on deadline !

photo by Vince Kuster.

Wednesday, December 1, 2010

Sixth Sense?

So this morning I was trying to think of my dentist name so I could give it to my dental provider.

For some reason, I couldn't think of the name for nothing. My mind just went blank.

A few minutes later I went to check my email and the VERY first message was a newsletter from my dentist.

Is that scary or what? Coincidence?

I tell you, I have a gift.