Sunday, October 31, 2010

Not For Me

Today, I took advantage of this beautiful Sunday weather to go browsing through Marshalls, Ross and Nordstrom Rack. I tried on a few things and what I know for sure is: SWEATER dresses are not for me.

My already wide hips look wider and my huge derriere looks even bigger (baby got back). Though sweater dresses seem to be all the rage right now (weren't they in style a few years ago?), I will not be able to participate in this trend.

But that's okay. I know my limits — and I do not look good in sweater dresses. They don't do anything to accentuate my figure. In fact, I look bigger. And who wants to look bigger? I'm trying to go for styles that are slimming - lol ! (hence all the black pants, black tops and many, many black dresses :)

What about you?
Are there any trends that don't flatter your figure?
Have you tried a certain style and said - "I'll pass"?

(photo by __.↖ღ ♥ A z a ™ ღ↗.'.

Friday, October 29, 2010

Brett Favre and Jesse Jackson Jr.

Over the past few months, we've heard news about football superstar Brett Favre sending, how can I say this, not nice text messages to a woman not his wife. Deadspin, an online sports website, also reported that the married Minnesota Vikings quarterback left voice mail messages on the answering machine of New York Jets game-day host Jenny Sterger expressing his desire to see her. (Favre played for the Jets in 2008)

Shortly after the Brett Favre sexting scandal broke, there was news that Congressman Jesse Jackson Jr. (D-Ill.), had an affair with a Washington D.C., restaurant hostess. The Chicago Sun Times reported that authorities, while investigating whether Jackson tried to "buy" Obama's senate seat, discovered that a businessman was asked to purchase plane tickets to Chicago for one of Jackson's "social acquaintances."

Though Jackson has denied the senate seat allegations, his wife, Chicago Alderman Sandi Jackson, said the couple have worked on their "personal matters" through marital counseling and spiritual therapy.

It seems the Brett Favre scandal is a big deal while the Jesse Jackson affair seemed to get little or no response from the public, though it was reported just as widely by national news outlets.

Why do you think people are so up in arms about the Favre thing, yet didn't even blink when it was revealed the congressman had an affair?

Let me know your thoughts.

(Brett Favre photo by cliff1066.)
(Jesse Jackson Jr. photo courtesy of official congressman website)

Tuesday, October 26, 2010

Real Housewives-Episode 2

I'm just on the 2nd episode of The Real Housewives of Atlanta. Most people are already on episode 4 (or 5?) - lol.

What do you guys think of what Kim did to Kandi about the "Tardy for the Party" song? Kim's lawyer told her she didn't have to split the money with Kandi, after all the work Kandi did to make the record a hit. I don't think that's very fair.

And what about NeNe's son 20-year-old Bryson? She had put him out.
During that time:
Dude was arrested (had marijuana in his pocket while visiting a friend in jail).
Doesn't help clean the house.
Doesn't go to school.
Doesn't work.
Comes in at all times in the morning.
Then had the nerve to tell his mother she was too strict.

But in the end NeNe agreed to let him back in, but he could only stay for 90 days (you know to allow him to look for a job). She told him that after he leaves on the 91st day, he couldn't come back.
Do you think it's just talk? Check out the video here:

I like the new housewife, model Cynthia Bailey. I think she's cool.(so far)

And Ms. Phaedra. I like her. She's fiesty.
While cooking a meal for her and her husband, Phaedra mentioned that she wasn't a homemaker, but now that's she married, she had to do what "Every proper Southern woman does." LOL - What does that mean?

let me know your thoughts...

Sunday, October 24, 2010

Re-thinking Marriage

For the past two years, I have been Gung-ho about getting married, finding a husband, trying to find somebody to "put a ring on it." I've written about some of my escapades in this blog.

But today, as I walked along the Alexandria Waterfront by myself (among all the loving couples), I got to thinking: Do I really want to get married?

By married, I mean in the traditional sense.

I know I want a companion, a partner, a love — maybe someone to hold my hand or rub my feet (after teaching an hour Jazzercise class) or someone to have dinner with on occasion. I want a help mate (it's hard finding a reliable handyman these days - LOL. okay, just kidding).

But do I want to be a wife?

After visiting a recently married friend, I learned this takes a whole new set of skills (lol) — compromise, sacrifice, etc.

I don't know. I'm not quite sure what I want right now. But I do know that I don't want to be alone for the rest of my life. I want someone "to have and to hold." But will it be in a conventional marriage? I can't say.

What are your thoughts?

(photo by Pikaluk.)

Friday, October 22, 2010

Unconditional Love

A few weeks ago I was going through a couple of old issues of O, The Oprah magazine. I came across the August 2006 issue on friendship. In that issue, O columnist Lisa Kogan talked to Oprah and her best friend Gayle about their special bond. Oprah described their friendship as otherworldly. Gayle said, "Sometimes you don't even realize how big it is."

In talking about the importance of connection, Lisa mentioned how people ached for friends who don't have an agenda.

Oprah responded:
" a way, our friendship is better than a marriage or a sexual relationship. You know, there's no such thing as unconditional love in a marriage as far as I'm concerned, 'cause let me tell you, there are some conditions. [LAUGHTER] So don't ask me to give you unconditional love, because there are certain things I won't tolerate."

wow. What do you think about that? This is heavy.

I know what she's saying: that your true friends, real friends, will love you no matter what(I can be fat. I can be poor.); but that marriage has some "conditions."

But I am a hopeless romantic and I want to believe that there is unconditional love in a marriage. I want someone who will love me unconditionally - despite all my faults (and boy do I have faults). I know this is idealistic, but a girl can dream can't she?

I envision marriage as a loving and nurturing relationship. However, I know I have to be realistic and realize that, like Oprah said, "there are certain things I won't tolerate." (i.e.-cheating, domestic violence, drug use, etc.) And I have to wonder about his "conditions." Will he love me if I gained 50 pounds, cheated or lied about a significant financial issue? (honey, I got credit cards in your name and gave all our savings to my sister - sorry.)

On the other hand, isn't there something in the vows that say "for better or for worse"- an unconditional love maybe?

Anyway, I'm all over the place right now, so these are my questions:
Do you believe there is unconditional love in a marriage?
Do you believe there are some "conditions" in a marriage?
What are some things you won't tolerate?
Can friendship be better than a marriage or sexual relationship?

Let me know your thoughts.

(photo by verticlebones).

Thursday, October 21, 2010

A Homecooked Meal

I was talking to a guy last night. He is from Ghana. He asked me where I was from. I told him Mississippi. He said he loved African women and Southern women.

"Really?" I said. "Why?" I asked.

He told me that he liked Southern women because "they can cook and they know how to take care of a man."

Now, I didn't know if I should have been offended or flattered by his comment.

I remember a few years ago, a male church member would help me out with some of my home projects. I would always ask him how much I owed him for the work and he would always opt for just a homecooked meal. So I would cook dinner and we would talk.

One day he told me I was perfect: "Man, you're nice, smart and you can cook," he said. He expressed his interest in me, but said he wasn't sure if I could be submissive - LOL. This young man is now married.

So the Ghanaian got me to thinking: Maybe my relationships aren't working out because I haven't shown my "nurturing" side. I don't remember the last time I cooked dinner for a male suitor.

My realtor once told me he dated a young lady for more than a year and not "once did she cook dinner for me." And on another occasion a former boyfriend told me that he liked to visit Brazil because women there "let men be men." (What do you think that means?)

Is this what guys want?

It reminded me of a scene in the movie, The Best Man. Writer Taye Diggs comes home and his girlfriend, played by Sanaa Lathan had cooked dinner and had a nice warm bath ready for her man. In college, Diggs' character was in love with Nia Long's character who had become a successful television producer. His friend told him that Long's character, who was single, would not make a good wife (or would never settle down), because that type of woman would always put her career first.


So I ask, despite all the progress and gains we've made over the years, do men really want a "traditional" wife?
What are your thoughts on this?

Wednesday, October 20, 2010


I'm suppose to be working right now, but I had to catch up on last night's premiere episode of The Millionaire Matchmaker. And since I don't have cable I have to watch it on the computer.

I know it's an entertainment show, but I always learn something from matchmaker Patti Stanger. For example, she suggests that couples be monogamous for at least a minimum of three months before becoming intimate. Good advice I think.

She's in New York this season and last night asked one of her clients to list his 5 deal-breakers, non-negotiables, if you will. What EXACTLY are you looking for in a mate she asked him.

When you meet someone, Patti suggested to him, interview them, qualify them and if they don't meet your requirements, walk the other away. Don't waste your time. (I'm paraphrasing of course.) Check out the video here or look at it below (it's only 1:51).

Now, I've done this and have gotten beaten up about it. But several things have happened over the past year or so since I've been dating. First, I've met guys who, on the surface, was everything I wanted; but for whatever reason I didn't really click with them. Then, in an effort to be open and broaden my horizons, I've gone out with guys who were totally opposite of what I wanted which led to some hilarious, frightful and, may I say, eventful times.

Interestingly, the last guy I dated, I really liked - and he didn't meet any of my requirements - lol. He hadn't finished college, he was divorced and had a child. But I really enjoyed being with him. Go figure.

Anyway, Patti's client listed his 5 deal-breakers. He desired: someone who definitely wanted children; someone who had friends; someone who was spontaneous; someone who came from a good family and someone who was HOT (Patti made him choose something else so he said someone who was Honest).

These are all good things. Honesty is definitely on the top of my list of non-negotiables.

What are your 5 dealbreakers - things that are non-negotiable?
What EXACTLY are you looking for in a mate?
Did you check out the video? What do you think of Patti's suggestions? Do you agree with her?

Tuesday, October 19, 2010

The Atlanta Housewives

So, I still don't have my cable back. But I was able to watch the first episode of The Real Housewives of Atlanta on my computer.

Thank God for technology because it was good.

The Housewives series is one of my guilty pleasures (along with the Millionaire Matchmaker and court shows) so I couldn't wait to see what the ladies in Atlanta were up to in their third season, especially with the two new cast members.

And they didn't disappoint. Can I say drama for yo' mama?

oooh, weee !!!

So let's dish:
When did Dwight and NeNe fall out?

What do you think of Kandi's new beau? (An NFL baller who plays for the Baltimore Ravens). He has a beautiful smile (nice straight white teeth - lol).

Kim admits her lesbian affair and is nervous about her 13-year-old daughter dating. (I liked that she told her daughter, "We don't chase boys.")

Sheree's male beautician looks better than me in makeup and his nails are absolutely fabulous (red like Sheree's purse). Anyway, I wish I was as feminine as he was, maybe I could get a date.

Do you guys miss Lisa?

And what do you think of the new housewife - Attorney Phaedra Parks? Girlfriend looks like she's going to be a handful (to say the least) - LOL.

If the first episode is any indication, this is going to be a great season. Can we say, DRAMA, DRAMA, DRAMA !

But isn't that what good TV is all about?

What are your thoughts? Did you see the first episode?

(image by Quantrell Colbert/Bravo)

Sunday, October 17, 2010

Bad Connection

Remember Chicago?

Well, he wants to come visit me for my birthday - Nov. 4th, which is 2 weeks away. The thing is - I don't like him.

But I don't know how to tell him that.

As you may recall, I met him on Match in January. We talked or text or emailed everyday for about 7 months. (He would call early in the morning and lovingly tell me -"I wish you were here.") For months I enjoyed talking to him and looked forward to his emails and texts throughout the day. He filled a void in my life.

But then I met him.

On the surface, he had all the qualities I was looking for: perfect age (38) and a college-educated professional, never married, no kids. But there was something about him that was just, I don't know... weird !

I didn't feel a connection at all. But obviously he did and has booked his flight to come visit for my birthday weekend.

I don't want him to come.

I have a few rituals for my birthday. I go to the spa every year and I have brunch with about 4 or 5 of my close friends.

This year, I want to do the same. I want to go to the spa. I want to have brunch with my friends and maybe see an exhibit or Tyler Perry's new movie "For Colored Girls Who Considered Suicide When The Rainbow Is Enuf," which is coming out Nov. 5th. Check out the trailer here: .

Even though it would be nice to finally have someone to spend my birthday with for once, I don't want to spend my birthday trying to entertain someone I really don't like. I want to enjoy my birthday with my friends, not stressed with some dude.

I want to call him and say don't come, but he's already bought his ticket (he emailed me his itinerary).

What do I do?
What are your thoughts?

Wednesday, October 6, 2010

Men and Money

I love "judge" shows, especially Judge Judy and People's Court.
Many cases feature a woman (both the young and mature) suing an ex-boyfriend, ex-fiance,ex-lover, for a "loan" she made him when they were together.

Now these "loans" vary from a small amount to larger amounts - for a car, or down payment on an apartment or for a computer, etc. These men often claim that the money were "gifts" (she wanted to help me out).

So my question today is:

Would you lend your boyfriend money if he needed it?

Does it matter how long you have been dating or if you were
in a long-term, serious committed relationship?

Does it matter how much money?

Does it matter what the money was for?

I once dated a guy who asked me to loan him money to go on a ski
trip with his boys. The ski trip just happened to be on Valentine's DAY !!
(Was he an idiot? Boy do I know how to pick 'em -lol). The conversation ended with a simple no.

But what are your thoughts on men and money?

Sunday, October 3, 2010

A Lecture on Long

I haven't written about the Bishop Long scandal on purpose. I'm trying my best to withhold judgment. Right now, there are only accusations. But there are plenty of other folks who are weighing in on the matter.

Check out the video below from a bisexual Atlanta pastor. What are your thoughts on what he has to say?

Friday, October 1, 2010

Her Husband

My friend is the sweetest lady. We grew up together, but with our busy schedules, we aren't able to talk as much as we would like, however technology, of course, has made communication easier.


I don't like her husband.

I think he's rude, arrogant, insensitive. I think he talks too much and says things before thinking without regard of the impact his words may have on someone. I also think he's a little bit sexist. I'm extremely uncomfortable around him. (He's always asking me why I can't keep a man, which hurts my feelings).

I don't like him I tell ya.


He's not my husband and I don't have to.

My friend can love who she wants. They have a family, several beautiful children. So, I email her, communicate via Facebook and call her when I know he's not around. I've avoided visiting her and see her when I can, which can be years sometimes.

Have you ever been in this situation?
Has one of your close friends married someone who you don't get along with?
How do you deal with a situation like this?