Wednesday, March 7, 2012

Today's Dating Scene

There seems to be some kind of theme going on. A few weeks ago, I pointed out an article in Uptown magazine titled "7 Things in Relationships That Separate Men From Boys." Here's my original post.

This time's matchmaker, Paul Carrick Brunson tackles the "men v. boys" issue and comes up with his own list. In his list of How to Tell If You're Dating a Boy or a Man two of his points really struck a chord.

The first was #11: Boys send text messages. Men call.
I have to tell you, this has become one of my biggest pet peeves - men who only want to text. What happened to picking up the phone and having a real CONVERSATION - talking? I met a guy during a speeddating session on Valentine's Day. Well, we've exchanged text messages and that's about it. He sends the usual -"How was your day," or "What are your plans for this weekend," etc. But not once has he picked up the phone to have a conversation. I want to hear your voice. I want to get to know you by talking to you and finding out what you're interested in, your hobbies, your goals. I want to hear you laugh - not see LOL. I want to hear when you're passionate or happy or disappointed. Don't send me a text with a sad face. geez. Listen, I don't have unlimited texting, so there's only so much texting you can do before I start charging you.

The second item that struck a chord was #14: Boys split the check. Men pay.
I know a guy who stopped dating a woman because she didn't offer to pay half for dinner. He met her online. The guy, a 50-something professional, asked her out to dinner. They went to a nice restaurant in the city. When the check came it was nearly $100. Well, he was turned off that she didn't even offer to pay the tip. But he liked her, thought she was very attractive, so he asked her out again. They went to another restaurant and again, she didn't move a finger when the check came. He was upset. "It's expensive to date," he said. "And she didn't even offer to put something on the check." He never called her again. Huh? If a guy asks you out on a first date, are you suppose to pay half or offer to contribute to the bill?

So what do you guys think? Is this the way people date today - texting and expecting women to pay half for dinner?

What's up with these "text-only" relationships? (if you can call it a relationship) I mean how can you effectively communicate and get to know someone when you're only texting? Why don't today's men want to pick up the phone and talk?

And what about contributing to the date? Are women suppose to contribute to the date if a guys asks them out? Does it matter if it's the first date, second date or months-long, yearlong relationship?


Monday, March 5, 2012

No Qualified Candidates?

Last August I bought one of those vouchers for matchmaking services. As you know, I've done online dating, speeddating, and other things to meet a potential partner, so I decided I'll try my hand at matchmaking. I mean, it couldn't hurt. I love the show Millionaire Matchmaker and these are suppose to be the experts at helping you find "true" love, right? Lol.

So in October the Matchmaker contacted me and asked me to email her a little bit about myself and who I am looking for in a partner. I told her I was a writer who loved to dance and volunteer. I also enjoy cultural activities (theater, museum exhibits, etc.), sporting events and traveling.

This is what I emailed her about what I was looking for in a partner:
I would like to meet someone kind, caring and Honest.
I prefer a college-educated African American professional, never
married, no kids between the age of 38 and 45.
I want a gentleman, someone who knows how to court a Southern lady. I want
someone polished, yet laid back- a person who is comfortable at the Kennedy Center or at a Wizards game or local comedy spot.

She called me a little later: "Are you flexible?" she asked.
Of course, I said.
She continued: "Does he have to be Black? Does religion matter? Would you go out with someone with kids? What are your absolute nos?" (I think I said smoking.)

oh, geez.

Fast forward five months, it's March and I haven't heard from the Matchmaker. So I contacted her on Friday and inquired about my matchmaking services. I mean Spring is almost here and I would love to have someone to hang out with in the nice weather.

Well, I received this email from her yesterday:
Dear Lottie,
I wanted to let you know that I have been working on your profile and unfortunately, I do not think we are going to be able to help you. I do not have any gentlemen in your area that are meeting the criteria you have outlined for me. Whilst I am happy to keep you on file and search for you, I do not want you to be disappointed. If you prefer a refund, %$$$## will take care of you.