Wednesday, March 7, 2012

Today's Dating Scene

There seems to be some kind of theme going on. A few weeks ago, I pointed out an article in Uptown magazine titled "7 Things in Relationships That Separate Men From Boys." Here's my original post.

This time's matchmaker, Paul Carrick Brunson tackles the "men v. boys" issue and comes up with his own list. In his list of How to Tell If You're Dating a Boy or a Man two of his points really struck a chord.

The first was #11: Boys send text messages. Men call.
I have to tell you, this has become one of my biggest pet peeves - men who only want to text. What happened to picking up the phone and having a real CONVERSATION - talking? I met a guy during a speeddating session on Valentine's Day. Well, we've exchanged text messages and that's about it. He sends the usual -"How was your day," or "What are your plans for this weekend," etc. But not once has he picked up the phone to have a conversation. I want to hear your voice. I want to get to know you by talking to you and finding out what you're interested in, your hobbies, your goals. I want to hear you laugh - not see LOL. I want to hear when you're passionate or happy or disappointed. Don't send me a text with a sad face. geez. Listen, I don't have unlimited texting, so there's only so much texting you can do before I start charging you.

The second item that struck a chord was #14: Boys split the check. Men pay.
I know a guy who stopped dating a woman because she didn't offer to pay half for dinner. He met her online. The guy, a 50-something professional, asked her out to dinner. They went to a nice restaurant in the city. When the check came it was nearly $100. Well, he was turned off that she didn't even offer to pay the tip. But he liked her, thought she was very attractive, so he asked her out again. They went to another restaurant and again, she didn't move a finger when the check came. He was upset. "It's expensive to date," he said. "And she didn't even offer to put something on the check." He never called her again. Huh? If a guy asks you out on a first date, are you suppose to pay half or offer to contribute to the bill?

So what do you guys think? Is this the way people date today - texting and expecting women to pay half for dinner?

What's up with these "text-only" relationships? (if you can call it a relationship) I mean how can you effectively communicate and get to know someone when you're only texting? Why don't today's men want to pick up the phone and talk?

And what about contributing to the date? Are women suppose to contribute to the date if a guys asks them out? Does it matter if it's the first date, second date or months-long, yearlong relationship?



kendra said...

i ended something that seemed promising because the guy only wanted to text. NOT a young guy, either; someone my age. HATE that madness.

Drea said...

My boyfriend and I do text a few times throughout the day because it isn't feasible to talk while we are at work. I actually enjoy the impromptu messages and they usually make me smile or laugh. However, when the work day is done we talk for real. So, it can be okay if thre is a balance and it is not the only method of communicating.

uneek said...

I have to agree with Drea. My boyfriend and I text during the day and sometimes when we know we are in a place where we can't talk. But real communication is talking face to face. Also, I have never paid for any of our dinner dates. My pay comes when I cook dinner at this house. I think my man has common sense not to go to an expensive resturant if he can't afford it, LOL.

SingLikeSassy said...

I think once a relationship is established if you want to text to keep in touch during a busy day or something, that's fine.

But when you are getting to know each other, texting is not sufficient AND if you are texting you HAVE a phone so you should be using it instead of getting carpal tunnel syndrome.

I always think if a dude I've just met never calls and he's just texting, he's being sneaky and has something to hide.

SingLikeSassy said...

Oh and I don't pay for the first few dates. Either you think I'm worth the time, money and effort, or you don't. And if a guy is on a budget then he should suggest/plan some budget-friendly activities -- walking along the Potomac, a hike etc. Frankly, I would prefer those to another dinner any way.

TNDRHRT said...

I'm ok with texting once we have a groove going. In the getting to know you phase of a budding dating relationship, we need to talk on the phone or F2F. Texting is something you do when you are doing something else. Working, watching TV, with someone you're not supposed to be with (LOL!). It's not 20-somethings who are doing all the texting either. I know folks in their 40s who use texting as their second language. Paying for dates....I don't do it until something official has been established.