Thursday, May 28, 2009

Failure to Launch

I got a call from one of my high school classmates a few weeks ago. It was a pleasant surprise. He reminded me that our 20th class reunion was next year. Next year? I couldn't believe it. I've been out of high school for 20 years? But I look so young !

I have to admit that this is not the life I had imagined for myself when I was in high school. Having unrealized dreams is sad, a tragedy even. Joan Rivers once said, "If you're not doing what you want to do then you're a fool."

I'm a fool.

I've asked myself often — what is keeping me from becoming the person I want to be? Why aren't I doing what I really want to do? Why am I not living the life of my dreams?

There's a host of culprits: fear. procrastination. complacency.
I don't know where to start - that first step, that first phone call.
And at this age, is it even possible to become the person I want to be?
Is it still worth it to pursue my dreams?

At this moment, I don't want to attend my high school reunion.
I feel like such a failure — personally and professionally.
This is not what my life was suppose to be. I'm not living happily ever after.

What about you?
Are you where you thought you would be in life?
Are you where you want to be?
What's holding you up?

Wednesday, May 20, 2009


Okay ladies,

I was listening to the KANE show this morning on 99.5 and the host posed a question, which I will pose to you:

Would you date a Man who did not have a job?

About half of Kane's female callers said absolutely not.
But interestingly there were actually some who said they would date a man who did not work.
One female caller admitted that she was currently in a relationship with a man who did not have a job and it was kind of nice.
He cleans her house and has dinner ready when she gets home.

(Not surprisingly, 9 out of 10 men said they would absolutely
date a woman who did not have a job — as long as she was having
sex with him.)

I guess you would have to take a few things into consideration.
There are a number of reasons why someone may not be working (medical, physical).
In this current economy, millions of people are being laid off every day.
Just because someone isn't working doesn't mean they are lazy or shiftless
or no good; Maybe they were laid off from a previous gig and looking for a new one.

But what about those who quit perfectly good jobs or those who just can't
seem to hold a job for more than a few months?
What about those who say they can't work for anybody and are working on starting
their own business — "the next big thing"?

I don't know how I feel about this.
On one hand, a man is suppose to be a provider, supporter.
On the other, you want to be understanding and empathetic, especially
of certain unique situations.

What about you?
Would you date a man who did not have a job?
Would you RESPECT a man who did not work?
Would you consider today's economic circumstances (the layoffs, etc.)
or other unforeseen events?
Does it matter how long the person is out of work?

Let me know your thoughts.

Monday, May 11, 2009

Great is Thy Faithfulness

There was always something about John Edwards that I couldn't quite put my finger on. For some reason, I didn't trust him. He seemed, I don't know...slick.

Call me clairvoyant, but did you catch Elizabeth Edwards on Oprah last week or on the Today show this morning? You can watch Matt Lauer's 15-minute interview here .

Though she is promoting her new book, Resilience, her appearances have mostly centered around the former presidential candidate's affair.

Elizabeth revealed that she had asked for only one thing as a wedding gift — just one thing.

"I wanted him to be faithful to me, that was the one thing I asked for, that was really important to me," Elizabeth told Oprah , in an exclusive interview to be published in the June issue of O magazine.

She was not into material things — jewelry, clothes, fancy cars or a big house.
All she wanted was for her husband to be faithful. That's all.

Growing up, Elizabeth Edwards had seen the impact of her father's infidelity on her family. Her beautiful mother had loss confidence in herself and her abilities.

Now Elizabeth was going through the same thing.
After 29 years of marriage, John admitted that he had been unfaithful.

The affair had leveled her she said. When her husband disclosed his indiscretion, she had gotten physically sick. She cried. She screamed. She blamed herself. Like her mother, she lost confidence in who she was and began to question her own sense of self-worth. She wondered: What did she do that caused this to happen? Was it the weight? Was it how she looked at night with curlers in her hair?

Elizabeth Edwards still loves John. She said that he's a supportive husband, a wonderful father, a great provider.

"This is a really good man, who did this very bad thing," she said. "You take out this one thing and you have a perfect man."

Elizabeth acknowledged to Oprah that she was looking for perfection. She's learned, however, that "no one's perfect. People make mistakes."

But this is a new reality for Elizabeth. It's hard rebuilding trust after nearly three decades of marriage. She quietly said, "the way we were, is no longer the way we can be."

Today Elizabeth, who is battling Stage 4 breast cancer, is living out her last days in a dream home on a 28,000-square foot estate.
But she never asked for a dream home. The material things didn't really matter.
She wanted a dream man: a husband who was faithful.
But as she noted to Oprah, "Things interrupt your dreams."

What do you think?
Was Elizabeth Edwards being realistic in asking her husband to be faithful to her?
Is it too much to ask for a faithful husband?
It's so easy to give material things — clothes, money, cars, jewelry, homes — but why is it so hard to give the one thing money can't buy?

My boss, who's been married more than 25 years, has always said that faithfulness is a choice.
It hurts that too many men choose the wrong option.

Tuesday, May 5, 2009

Mo' Money, Mo' Money

Okay, just a quick Question of the Day:

If you had "just a little more money" what would you do?

I'm not talking about winning the lottery or getting a
new multi-million dollar contract.

But just a little something extra each month.

Have you ever said, "If I had just a little bit more money,
I could do ____________?" (you fill in the blank)

Monday, May 4, 2009

Your Cheatin' Heart

I was listening to Michael Baisden during
my drive home this afternoon and a caller
mentioned that some women were "trained"
to stay in relationships with cheating men.

What do you think?

Are women conditioned to "tolerate" cheating men, dismissing their actions as "boys will be boys"?

Cheating is hurtful.
But love is deep.
Women stay in situations for a host of reasons (the kids, financial or economic; for (gasp) love).
Sometimes things aren't so black and white.

Would you remain in a relationship with a man who
has cheated?
Does it depend on the circumstances?

Is it really cheating if you're not married and haven't
exchanged any type of vows?

Sunday, May 3, 2009


"How many of us have them.
Ones you can depend on."

Those of us who grew up in the '80s and early '90s, remember
this rap classic by Whodini. My pastor quoted this song today
as he preached about friends (and enemies and associates).

He made some good points about friends:
Friends help us and heal us.
They are good to us and good for us.
They are with us through thick and thin.

It's when you get in trouble, when you're struggling — that's when
you really learn who your true friends are.

The preacher mentioned that the older we get, we find out there
are fewer people who we can actually call "friends."

I know a lot of people. But I have only a few "friends."
I don't know if I have anybody in my life that I can tell EVERYTHING and
trust they won't tell anyone else.
Friends keep your secrets close to their hearts.

What about you?
Is there someone in your life that you can share everything and you know
they won't tell anyone else?
Can you point to those who you know will have your back when times get hard?
Who can you count on when life's in a bind and you're in too deep?
Who do you feel comfortable sharing your dreams — and failures — knowing they will not be judgmental or negative, but encouraging and supportive?
Who can you run to?

Have you ever been disappointed with someone you thought was a "friend"?
I must admit, I've had a few disappointments.

Think about it.
How many "friends" do you have?