Thursday, June 28, 2012

On Second Thought

Have you guys seen the reality tv show Tanisha Gets Married? Tanisha is one of the young ladies from Oxygen's Bad Girls Club and her new show on the network follows her journey to the altar.

I wanted you guys to check out this clip. It's only a minute. Take a peek and let me know your thoughts.

Tuesday, June 26, 2012

Necessary and Extraordinary

I need to grow some balls.

I mean I'm a nice person. I'm polite. I avoid confrontation and conflict. I am sensitive to others' feelings and needs. I play well with others. I agree - even when I disagree.

I'm a good girl. Employers like folks like me. I'm not demanding. I show up to work on time. I do a great job. I don't start mess or into a lot of drama. I respect my elders, and my bosses. I don't complain. I am reliable and responsible. I work hard, often going above and beyond.

But none of this has yielded me what I want or believe I deserve.

I learned from a broadcast veteran last week, that in today's competitive job market you have to be bold in your decision-making (because of course only you are responsible for your career). But she mentioned something else that struck a chord. In order to be successful in your fight, you have to be necessary and extraordinary.

Necessary and extraordinary.

Do you think you're NECESSARY at your job? Could things still get done if you were gone? Would the place shut down if you were not there?

What about extraordinary? Are you the best at what you do or are you replaceable? Could someone come in and do the same thing you do?

I realized over the weekend that those who don't take any sh$t are the ones who go places, while people like me hope that our talent (and good work ethic) is recognized - and maybe rewarded.


Tuesday, June 5, 2012

Man Food

This weekend I was watching an episode of the old sitcom 227. I was in another room when I heard Pearl tell Mary that "if she don't hold onto her man, somebody else will." I laughed.

It reminded me of an article I read last month on the web site Jezebel. The story, titled The Cheating Dads of Brooklyn, asked: "Do married dads cheat on their wives because they feel "dethroned" by their kids?"

The article quoted the CEO of Ashley Madison, a web site that encourages adultery. The CEO noted, "for men...infidelity usually comes into play when children come on to the scene."

The author also pointed to a Huffington Post video by relationship coach LiYana Silver. Jezebel quotes Silver's video in which she says men don't cheat because they're horny, but a top reason is because they don't feel valued (I read an O magazine article some time ago that basically said the same thing). In the video Silver says, "acknowledgement and appreciation are like this very important kind of man food, and when he doesn't get it… he'll find someone he will feel appreciated with."

So basically, if you don't want your man to cheat, make sure he feels appreciated, valued — you know, give him some MAN FOOD, feed him honey! I sort of hinted at this in a previous post — see  Loving Him (Part 1). But I guess it may be difficult if you have the additional responsibilities of taking care of a young baby, toddlers, teenagers and a growing family.

One of my old college buddies is having a difficult time in his marriage. He says his wife constantly tells him he's not good enough and that he's a terrible father. He feels beat down. But he doesn't see cheating as the answer. Instead he's looking into divorce.

Do you remember the Oprah episode that featured couples who put their marriage before their children? It was very controversial and people thought the couples were selfish and not good parents. But take a couple like the Christies. Former NBA player Doug Christie and his wife Jackie renew their vows every year, most recently on Basketball Wives, LA (did you see him crying when she walked down the aisle?). People called Jackie crazy and Doug "whipped" because she followed him to all his away games when the team traveled to different cities. But she never hid the fact that she put her husband first, above all else. So far, it's worked for them and Jackie doesn't have any problems when it comes to infidelity in her marriage. In fact, other couples have approached them for advice on staying together.

Anyway, what are your thoughts on this whole "man food" stuff? Do you believe being an "appreciator" deters cheating?

holla at me.