This weekend I was watching an episode of the old sitcom 227. I was in another room when I heard Pearl tell Mary that "if she don't hold onto her man, somebody else will." I laughed.
It reminded me of an article I read last month on the web site Jezebel. The story, titled The Cheating Dads of Brooklyn, asked: "Do married dads cheat on their wives because they feel "dethroned" by their kids?"
The article quoted the CEO of Ashley Madison, a web site that encourages adultery. The CEO noted, "for men...infidelity usually comes into play when children come on to the scene."
The author also pointed to a Huffington Post video by relationship coach LiYana Silver. Jezebel quotes Silver's video in which she says men don't cheat because they're horny, but a top reason is because they don't feel valued (I read an O magazine article some time ago that basically said the same thing). In the video Silver says, "acknowledgement and appreciation are like this very important
kind of man food, and when he doesn't get it… he'll find someone he will
feel appreciated with."
So basically, if you don't want your man to cheat, make sure he feels appreciated, valued — you know, give him some MAN FOOD, feed him honey! I sort of hinted at this in a previous post — see Loving Him (Part 1). But I guess it may be difficult if you have the additional responsibilities of taking care of a young baby, toddlers, teenagers and a growing family.
One of my old college buddies is having a difficult time in his marriage. He says his wife constantly tells him he's not good enough and that he's a terrible father. He feels beat down. But he doesn't see cheating as the answer. Instead he's looking into divorce.
Do you remember the Oprah episode that featured couples who put their marriage before their children? It was very controversial and people thought the couples were selfish and not good parents. But take a couple like the Christies. Former NBA player Doug Christie and his wife Jackie renew their vows every year, most recently on Basketball Wives, LA (did you see him crying when she walked down the aisle?). People called Jackie crazy and Doug "whipped" because she followed him to all his away games when the team traveled to different cities. But she never hid the fact that she put her husband first, above all else. So far, it's worked for them and Jackie doesn't have any problems when it comes to infidelity in her marriage. In fact, other couples have approached them for advice on staying together.
Anyway, what are your thoughts on this whole "man food" stuff? Do you believe being an "appreciator" deters cheating?
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