Thursday, June 23, 2011

Double Standard?

While doing research for a project on the Black family, I found a few interesting statistics: In 1960, 67 percent of Black families had a husband and wife. Between 1970 and 2001, the marriage rate decreased by 17 percent in the U.S. - 34 percent among African Americans. Today nearly half, 47 percent, of Blacks have never been married.


But here's something even more interesting — according to the latest Census data, though 45.2 percent of Black women have never married, 48.8 percent of Black men haven't either.


Nearly half of Black men over the age of 15 have never married. Yet no one talks about that. Check out the Census table here. (Table 2).

Over the past 2 or 3 years, all I've seen is article after article after article talking about how Black professional women can't get married, can't find eligible mates, yada yada yada. I've been bombarded with television shows and news specials about the sad fate of the lonely Black woman — the college-educated professional doomed to life as a spinster. And there have been a slew of reality shows too centered around a Black woman's quest to find love.

Yet, no one talks about the Single Black Man.

What gives?

I think this is a double standard. In her article, "Marriage: Black Brother's Where Art Thou?" posted on last year, my friend Tanya asked: What do black men say about why they aren't marrying black women? Check out her story here.

I second Tanya: Why doesn't anyone ask Black men why they aren't marrying? It's not like they don't have plenty of options (or maybe they have too many).

In fact, why aren't there TV specials or article after article on the single Black male? Why is our culture so fixed on the "lonely" Black woman?


Monday, June 20, 2011


First let me say this: I need to stop watching, The Notebook. It is such a beautiful love story and I'm such a hopeless romantic. I yearn for a love like that — together until the end, til death do us part.

I also caught an episode of Bridezillas this weekend. I had never seen the show before, but I knew the premise just from the title: demanding divas having temper tantrums and over the top outbursts.

But I wasn't ready for what I saw. As I watched the show, I just couldn't imagine who would marry these girls. They were mean, spoiled, selfish. They had horrible attitudes, were nasty to their family and friends and cursed like drunken sailors. (One lady told her fiance, "I will stab you with these damn scissors.")

Yet, they were able to find men who wanted to marry them.


Maybe all that craziness was just for the cameras. I hope so.

Below is a clip of the episode I saw this weekend:

Monday, June 13, 2011

Facebook Friends?

Ever since the Weiner scandal broke a couple of weeks ago, a lot of attention is being given to the role of social media in destroying relationships.

Do you remember the Michigan man who broke into his wife's email and found out she was cheating on him? (He was later jailed for hacking.)

So I have a couple of questions for you today:

1) Do you care who your husband or significant other "friend" on Facebook?

2) Would you want to know who all his "Friends" were — checking his account, reading his status updates, see who he's direct messaging?

3) What about Twitter? Would you mind if your husband or significant other "tweeted" suggestive, flirty or sexy things to another woman?

4) If the two never meet in person, is "sexting" considered cheating?

5) What constitutes cheating when it comes to social media?

6) If a married man flirts with a woman other than his wife on social media, is he committing adultery?

Let me know your thoughts.

Wednesday, June 8, 2011

The Good Wife

Last year, I did a project about CHEATERS for my online magazine class. It was a story about powerful men who cheat accompanied by a photo slideshow featuring various notorious cheaters including Tiger Woods, Bill Clinton, Kwame Kilpatrick, John Edwards, Jesse Jackson, Elliot Spitzer and a host of others. Check out the story and slideshow here.

But with all the news of infidelity lately, it seems I may need to update that project.

Where do I start?
The most recent apologist is Anthony Weiner, 46, the combative Democratic congressman from New York. After lying for 10 days, he admitted in a tearful press conference that he had sent lewd photos to several women on Facebook and Twitter. He is married to Hilary Clinton's popular aide, the beautiful Huma Abedin. They were married a mere 11 months ago in a ceremony officiated by former president Bill Clinton. News reports have noted that Abedin, 35, is pregnant with the couple's first child.

The Weiner news came along just as the public grew tired of talking about Arnold Schwarzenegger. The former California governor admitted having a years-long affair with his housekeeper, Mildred Baena. In fact Ms. Baena, who was also married, gave birth to Arnold's son just a few days after his wife, journalist Maria Shriver gave birth to the couple's fourth child.

And just a few weeks ago, Bishop Eddie Long settled out of court with his accusers. As you may recall, last fall four young men accused the bishop of sexual coercion. They claimed that the mega-church pastor took them on trips and gave them a number of luxury items including cars, clothes and jewelry. The settlement is rumored to be in the millions.

But my mind isn't on the men right now. It's on the wives. Most of these men are married to beautiful, smart, ambitious women — Hilary Clinton, (the late) Elizabeth Edwards, Silda Spitzer, Maria Shriver and now Huma Abiden all have resumes that would equal their husbands.

Until recently, we've seen these great women stand stoically beside their husbands - the only support in a man's fall from grace.

So what gives? Why would these men risk everything — their career, their family, their reputation — for a few nights of pleasure?

"Smart women are boring," a male friend told me.

What? I said.

"I mean, those women they are cheating with have degrees in stuff yall don't," he said laughing.

What do you mean? I asked.

"They will do stuff smart women aren't willing to do," he explained.

So is that the deal?
These men marry the "good" girl - the well-educated, ambitious, career-driven mother of their children — and keep a few on the side to satisfy their sexual fantasies?

What yall think?

Friday, June 3, 2011

That's It - I'm Moving

A few minutes ago, a friend sent me this Bloomberg article:
'Intellectual Meat Market’ Makes Washington Long Odds for Single Women.

The story looks at the latest Census Data noting that, "Washington has the highest ratio of women to men compared with all 50 states -- 112 females for every 100 males." It also found that "among residents between ages 20 and 39… women outnumber men by 13,716, up from about 6,000 a decade ago."

The odds get worse as you get older. One guy noted in the article that he flirted everywhere, "Dating, in general, is pretty much ours to lose," he said. (LOL !!!)

Anyway, a 30-something African American woman in the piece revealed that she dated throughout her 12 years in D.C., but usually "didn’t fit the power-couple image sought by many of her dates." I can relate.

She moved to New York three years ago. She's now engaged.

I know several folks who found love once they left this area. I've been talking about moving for a long time, but I would always use the bad real estate market as an excuse. It's time to stop talking.

But where would I go?



I'm tired of defending the type of man I want.

I've dated all kinds of guys - from the unemployed to the successful entrepreneur; the college-educated and the barely-finished high school; guys with kids and the busy bachelor; homeowners and the 'can't pay my rent.' Liars, hustlers, the nice guy, the church man, the mama's boy and the vegan.

I've been out here long enough. I know what I want. My entire 30s have been spent dating in D.C. I'm sick of it.

I'm ready to settle down in a committed, monogamous relationship with a marriage-minded mate.