Unconditional Love

A few weeks ago I was going through a couple of old issues of O, The Oprah magazine. I came across the August 2006 issue on friendship. In that issue, O columnist Lisa Kogan talked to Oprah and her best friend Gayle about their special bond. Oprah described their friendship as otherworldly. Gayle said, "Sometimes you don't even realize how big it is."

In talking about the importance of connection, Lisa mentioned how people ached for friends who don't have an agenda.

Oprah responded:
"...in a way, our friendship is better than a marriage or a sexual relationship. You know, there's no such thing as unconditional love in a marriage as far as I'm concerned, 'cause let me tell you, there are some conditions. [LAUGHTER] So don't ask me to give you unconditional love, because there are certain things I won't tolerate."

wow. What do you think about that? This is heavy.

I know what she's saying: that your true friends, real friends, will love you no matter what(I can be fat. I can be poor.); but that marriage has some "conditions."

But I am a hopeless romantic and I want to believe that there is unconditional love in a marriage. I want someone who will love me unconditionally - despite all my faults (and boy do I have faults). I know this is idealistic, but a girl can dream can't she?

I envision marriage as a loving and nurturing relationship. However, I know I have to be realistic and realize that, like Oprah said, "there are certain things I won't tolerate." (i.e.-cheating, domestic violence, drug use, etc.) And I have to wonder about his "conditions." Will he love me if I gained 50 pounds, cheated or lied about a significant financial issue? (honey, I got credit cards in your name and gave all our savings to my sister - sorry.)

On the other hand, isn't there something in the vows that say "for better or for worse"- an unconditional love maybe?

Anyway, I'm all over the place right now, so these are my questions:
Do you believe there is unconditional love in a marriage?
Do you believe there are some "conditions" in a marriage?
What are some things you won't tolerate?
Can friendship be better than a marriage or sexual relationship?

Let me know your thoughts.


(photo by verticlebones).