Wednesday, April 13, 2011

What Up Shawty?

On Monday evening I walked into the Au Bon Pain deli in downtown D.C. to get a cool drink. I wanted to sit outside and enjoy the nice weather before getting on the metro to meet a friend.

While picking up a straw and a few napkins, a young man came up to me.

"I would love to take you out to lunch," he said.

I looked at him. He looked young - late '20s maybe. He was extremely fair, slight build, maybe 5'8, 5'9. He had on gray acid-washed jeans, a tan vest with a white t-shirt underneath and some sneakers. A cross of Jesus Christ hung from his neck.

"Why?" I asked.

"Why?" he said, looking taken aback.

"Yeah, why. Why do you want to take me out to lunch?" I said, looking him in the eye.

"Because you're a beautiful young lady," he shot back.

"How old are you?" I asked.

"38," he said.

38? He looked really young. Maybe it was the way he dressed.

"What's your name?" I asked him.

"Edward," he said, stirring his coffee.

Edward followed me to the table outside and sat beside me while I drank my cool drink.

"So, can I take you out?" he asked again.

"I don't know. Are you married?" I said smiling.

He smiled, "no."

He had yellow teeth, so I asked him if he smoked. No, he said. "I don't smoke and I only drink socially."

Hmmm, I thought. It was either bad hygiene or bad grooming.

Anyway, we talked a little bit more. I found out Edward had 2 kids by a girl he had dated for 10 years — a girl and a boy, one 13, one 14.

"Why didn't you marry her?" I asked.

"You not suppose to get married just because you have kids," he said.

"But you were with her for 10 years," I said.

"Yeah, but I met her when I was real young," he pointed out.

He works as a marketing manager for a company that sells tubs for those with medical problems. He was off today taking care of business in family court.

I stared at his gray acid-washed jeans.

"You like my jeans," he said. "They cost $300."

"You need to get your money back," I said.

He laughed.

"So, can I take you to lunch," he asked again.

"I don't know," I said, the more I learned about him the less I liked him. But I remained opened. Who knows? He could really be a nice person.

"I'm gonna call you tonite - 9 p.m.," he said as he put my number in his phone.

Well, Edward called me at 10. I was in a metro station heading home.

This was his rap:
him - "I've been thinking about you all night."
me - Really, I said.
him - "Yeah. I was thinking about why you didn't have a man. Because you know, your body official and everything, so you must have a bad attitude."
(okay yall, excuse me if I'm not up on my hip hop slang, but what the hell is "official").
me - Silence
him - "I think you a player. But I'm gonna take care of that."
me - Really? How?
him - "See, when a woman's with me, she gets addicted. I'm addictive."
me - Silence.

The phone went dead. The call must have dropped. Good thing, because I don't know how much more I could have taken of Edward's conversation.

I haven't heard from him since. Guess, we're not gonna do lunch.

Thoughts?

4 comments:

Anonymous said...

Lol! Official means you got it going on in old/mature folks language.

Anonymous said...

Too funny.

TNDRHRT said...

No Checkers for you! LOL!

Drea said...

You gave him your number? LOL The yellow teeth would have stopped me. Sounds like he was funny to talk to and made for a good blog story. I think official might mean you are good to go or something. Let me know when you find out what it really means.