So, what do YOU think "equally yoked" means?
Do you believe
couples should be "equally yoked"? In your opinion, how does being "equally
yoked" or "not being equally yoked" impact the success or failure of a
relationship?
A few months ago, it's probably been a year now, I heard an
author on NPR talk about the failure of her marriage. She was an attorney who
married a blue-collar guy. They grew up together in the same neighborhood, but
after high school she went to college and he went in another direction.
Nevertheless, they married and had children.
If I remember correctly, the
author discussed how, when they would attend her company's work events, she
would cringe when her husband had a conversation with her colleagues. She talked
about how his bad grammar embarrassed her at times.
Then there were the
money issues. She didn't seem to mind being the breadwinner of the family.
However, they disagreed on what to do with the money. Her husband was interested
in material things — nice car, expensive home, clothes, jewelry. But she wanted
to save for their children's college education. They valued different
things.
And I think that's the key: Values.
Just because someone
didn't attend college and you did, does that mean you're not equally-yoked? What
does having the same "values" mean? I'm thinking about what's important to a
person: their spiritual foundation, family, education, ambition, willingness to
grow. Do they have integrity? Are they honest and respectful?
I think
sometimes we may realize a little too late — when we're all in — that a person
may not have the same values or value the same things we do - you know. You feel
me? That's why I have to take it real slow when I date now.
So talk to me
about equally-yoked and values and you know, stuff like that...
holla at
me...
About Me
- Lottie
- This blog is about love, love in all its forms. Well, it's actually more about relationships and not just of the romantic kind. It's about our relationship with ourselves, our family, our friends, co-workers and just about anyone else we come into contact with on a near daily basis. The ellipsis in the title is important. It represents all the stuff you do before you get to love and all the stuff you put up with because of love. The ellipsis represents relationship. So this blog will not only be about my quest to be in a loving, kind, committed and fulfilling relationship but it will also provide examples of relationships — through media stories, videos, music and art. I also want to encourage you to contribute examples of relationships or love as you see it.
4 comments:
blue collar doesn't equal lack of values or inability to speak grammatically correct english. that's insulting.
and should my guy and i be equally yoked? to me that means we're on the same page religiously, about how to save/spend, about raising our children. while i don't think it's impossible to have a relationship where we're not equally yoked, i do believe it probably requires more work to make this type of inequality work. and relationships are difficult enough already.
Once I thought equally yoked meant religiously compatible. Now, I believe it is much broader than that. I think it means religiously, as well as similar values and principles. I learned that when I dated someone with an entirely different value system and relationship with money. Honestly, a lot of marriages are troubled because of money and different values surrounding it.
There couple was more than unequally yoked, they sound incompatible.
I think if you ask questions, listen closely to the answers and watch to see if the actions line up with the words you will have a good sense of whether a person has the same values you do.
And then, some things are just right there to see. If you are opposed to children out of wedlock and he has a kid and has never been married, y'all are unequally yoked.
If it's important to you to be part of a church community and he doesn't attend, y'all are unequally yoked.
That said, there are likely some areas for compromise.
Sigh. I mean THAT couple.
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