Monday, July 16, 2012

Equally Yoked

So, what do YOU think "equally yoked" means?
Do you believe couples should be "equally yoked"? In your opinion, how does being "equally yoked" or "not being equally yoked" impact the success or failure of a relationship?

A few months ago, it's probably been a year now, I heard an author on NPR talk about the failure of her marriage. She was an attorney who married a blue-collar guy. They grew up together in the same neighborhood, but after high school she went to college and he went in another direction. Nevertheless, they married and had children.

If I remember correctly, the author discussed how, when they would attend her company's work events, she would cringe when her husband had a conversation with her colleagues. She talked about how his bad grammar embarrassed her at times.

Then there were the money issues. She didn't seem to mind being the breadwinner of the family. However, they disagreed on what to do with the money. Her husband was interested in material things — nice car, expensive home, clothes, jewelry. But she wanted to save for their children's college education. They valued different things.

And I think that's the key: Values.

Just because someone didn't attend college and you did, does that mean you're not equally-yoked? What does having the same "values" mean? I'm thinking about what's important to a person: their spiritual foundation, family, education, ambition, willingness to grow. Do they have integrity? Are they honest and respectful?

I think sometimes we may realize a little too late — when we're all in — that a person may not have the same values or value the same things we do - you know. You feel me? That's why I have to take it real slow when I date now.

So talk to me about equally-yoked and values and you know, stuff like that...

holla at me...


kendra said...

blue collar doesn't equal lack of values or inability to speak grammatically correct english. that's insulting.

and should my guy and i be equally yoked? to me that means we're on the same page religiously, about how to save/spend, about raising our children. while i don't think it's impossible to have a relationship where we're not equally yoked, i do believe it probably requires more work to make this type of inequality work. and relationships are difficult enough already.

BPC said...

Once I thought equally yoked meant religiously compatible. Now, I believe it is much broader than that. I think it means religiously, as well as similar values and principles. I learned that when I dated someone with an entirely different value system and relationship with money. Honestly, a lot of marriages are troubled because of money and different values surrounding it.

SingLikeSassy said...

There couple was more than unequally yoked, they sound incompatible.

I think if you ask questions, listen closely to the answers and watch to see if the actions line up with the words you will have a good sense of whether a person has the same values you do.

And then, some things are just right there to see. If you are opposed to children out of wedlock and he has a kid and has never been married, y'all are unequally yoked.

If it's important to you to be part of a church community and he doesn't attend, y'all are unequally yoked.

That said, there are likely some areas for compromise.

SingLikeSassy said...

Sigh. I mean THAT couple.