Sunday, July 29, 2012

At What Cost Love

I was watching Sex and The City: The Movie on one of the cable channels this afternoon. Miranda had learned that her husband Steve had had an indiscretion.

He went to her, pleading, eyes begging, trying to apologize. He looked liked a sad, lost soul. But she wasn't hearing it. She cut him off and angrily replied (among other things): You broke us. You broke our marriage. I changed for you !

I changed for you.


What did she mean by that?
Was she upset that she gave up her so-called "great life" as an independent sassy successful attorney to marry a bartender who ended up cheating on her.  Talk about regrets. Miranda made it sound like she gave up her whole life when she got married. She felt duped.

So it made me think: Do we change who we are when we get married?

(I mean, I would hope the person I marry, is marrying me because he likes me just the way I am - or else he would find someone else he likes better - right?)

Anyway, I'm sure something about us changes when we get married. It's no longer about "I" but "we"; not "me" but "us."

I wonder if some of us are still single because we're not willing to change. We're selfish about our careers, our aspirations, our time, our space.

I do think Love has a way of CHANGING us. We make time, space, and shift our lives in new and different ways that welcomes another soul. Work and career are no longer as much of a priority.  (In fact, I would rather get a foot rub than transcribe an interview.)

Ultimately our lives do change. Something else becomes more important. But how much do we change for someone esle?

Miranda said: I changed for you. And she was mad about it. Just think about giving up your life as you know it for someone and they ultimately betray you. That's gotta hurt.

But it's a risk we take.

So I ask: What do we give up for love? Do we have to lose ourselves, the essence of who we are to make it work with someone else? How much are you willing to change? And do women make the most changes?
Let me know your thoughts.


Anonymous said...

Well, no one is perfect. So yes. I think when two people become serious about one another, they change. The core of who they are doesn't change, but I definitely think that there are trade-offs as you evaluate what's important to you. As we get older and set in our ways, change is hard. You get accustomed to the things that make you happy, and letting those things go or indulging in them less frequently may feel just as big as giving up core values. So, I totally understand why Miranda was mad. She gave up her Manhattan lifestyle for a family out in Brooklyn, what she referred to as no-man's land. Had a baby even though she wasn't particularly maternal and gave up her original career track. All to appease a man who wound up cheating on her. It's like you change your approach to life for someone and it isn't enough. Steve is lucky he didn't get hit in the nose.

SingLikeSassy said...

Yep, she gave up all that...but look what she gained. I mean the whole show revolved around the four ladies looking for love. She could have stayed in Manhattan and not had a baby and never married Steve...........

OK. *shrug*

You can't have it all not at the same time anyway. That's what she learned in the second movie when she quit her firm and went to see her kid win the science fair.

And I still think Steve was a better man than Big would or could ever be.

SingLikeSassy said...

As for changing when you get married...

I think what Miranda learned was how to be interdependent. She didn't have to do everything all by herself. Yes, she COULD if she needed to, but she didn't HAVE to.

As for me, marriage made me want to not be selfish.