In the recent issue of O, The Oprah Magazine, real couples talk about love and marriage, how they've made it work. There's an interracial couple married for 45 years, a woman who fell in love with a man who was born a woman, a couple struggling to raise a disabled child and another who work together all day, every day in a one-room art gallery (I can imagine the dinner conversation - Honey, how was your day? Just fine after we sold that painting). To read about the couples click here.
But one story in particular caught my eye. In the vignette, "The Art of Living Apart," Marisol and Rob Simon have been married for seven years and have never lived together as husband and wife. They've maintained separate households their entire marriage.
Rob, 55, has two children, a girl and a boy. Marisol, 45, wasn't interested in being a mom and the children weren't interested in another mother. The solution? Get married, but keep their own places.
"There's a certain magic to our marriage and it comes from not being together all the time," said Marisol in the O article. "Rob and I always miss each other, and I don't know if it would be the same if we lived together all the time.
"Just because you love someone doesn't mean they have to consume you," Marisol continued."There has to be room for yourself in a relationship. People need oxygen."
In the piece, Rob said he believed they actually spend more time together than most couples and said the arrangement worked because they trust each other.
Marisol likes the arrangement because, well, she doesn't have to compromise her living situation: "At my house...I don't have to follow anyone around with a bottle of Windex. At night, I can wear my ugly red shorts...I get an entire night of sleep without someone snoring..."
I know there are many married couples who live apart for a variety of reasons — maybe military duties, family obligations or job opportunities. But this couple decided to live apart, not because of any special circumstances, but because, well, they just wanted their own space. And what's wrong with that if it works for them? I mean Marisol doesn't have to deal with his children or baby-mama drama. She doesn't have to worry about preparing meals or keeping a clean home for a family of four.
But I always thought marriage was about compromise and loving someone — all of them — despite his/her faults, baggage or whatever you want to call it. Sure he may snore, he may leave the toilet seat up more than you like or throw his clothes on the floor when he gets home from work, but aren't there more important things to worry about? I don't know, maybe I'm just being an old fashioned fuddy-dud.
I guess there's an assumption that when you return from the honeymoon you'll make a home together - in the same house. Instead, this couple said your place or mine. Tradition doesn't work for everybody and I get that. And maybe that's why they're so happy. Marisol may be on to something.
What do you think of Marisol and Rob's arrangement? What about you? Could you be married and not live with your spouse?
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2 comments:
Yep. In a heartbeat. But i think that's because I've done long-distance relationships for so long. There was an article in another magazine not long ago about marriages just like Rob and Marisol. Every couple in the article lived apart. Some in different states. Some just in different houses in the same town. They made it work, and who am I to judge someone else's relationship?
I would not want to be married to someone I didn't live with. I think that it the purpose of marriage, two people become one union under one roof. At least for me. I don't think I would really get to know the REAL person if we didn't live together. I think your representative will likely show up more often than not. That's just me. I have heard of other people who do it and maybe it works.
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