Sunday, March 14, 2010

Miles Away

My phone rang early Friday morning - 6:30 a.m.
Who in the world was calling me at this hour? I looked at the caller id and it was Chicago. What did he want this early?


"I wish you were here," he said.

My heart stopped.

Silence. I sat up in bed and rubbed my eyes.

"Hello?" he said, making sure I was still there.

"Good morning," I finally answered. "How's it going? Is anything wrong?"

"No, I was just thinking about you and wanted to hear your voice.
"I wish you were here," he repeated.

I can tell you, there's no greater feeling in the world than to wake up with a phone call and the person on the other end is saying that they want you, need you even. It's the best feeling I tell ya.

I was set for the whole day. Just smiling. Happy. I probably even gave the homeless man a few hundred bucks. I was literally walking on air.

Chicago was the first person I "met" on He emailed me the day after I signed up in January and we have been talking, emailing, texting, every day since. The first two weeks he sent daily emails. Questions: What do you like to do? What are your favorite movies? What kind of music do you like? What do you like to do in your free time? Do you like to dance? What's your favorite type of food? What's the last book you read? What did you think of Obama's State of the Union address? Do you like to travel? What are some of your favorite places? What are your goals? Where do you see yourself in five years? What are some things you would like to learn? What do you like about living in D.C.?

I felt like I was being interviewed. I'm used to do the interviewing. After two weeks of emails, I guess he felt my answers were good enough to take this thing to the next level - phone calls. He emailed me his number and asked me to call. I emailed him mine and told him to feel free to reach me. He called that night and we spoke for hours. We've talked every day since then, sometimes several times a day. He'll send emails of articles to get my thoughts and I'll usually get a text some time during the day from him: "Hope your day is going well." We usually end the evenings on the phone until one of us is too tired to say another word.

So I was quite surprised by his phone call that night.

"I think we should just be friends," he said.

What are you talking about?

"This is hard. I can't see you," he explained.

You knew I lived in D.C. when you contacted me on Match. Why did you even reach out to me?

"I thought I could handle it. But I get frustrated when I can't see you," he said.

You can come visit.

"Lottie, I've done the research. It costs nearly $400 roundtrip for a flight, then it'll be $200 a night for a hotel. If I stay the weekend, that's already $1,000 and I haven't even counted entertainment yet, going out," he said.

People do long distance all the time, I countered. It's called a long-distance relationship. We could alternate weekends.

"I can't do that every weekend and I don't want to have to wait a month to see my woman."

"I think it's better if we do this now before we become too deeply involved," he continued.

I couldn't believe this. Was he breaking up with me? How can you break up with someone you never even met?

You know what, whatever. Fine. (I had a date lined up for Sunday anyway.)

I got a text from Chicago yesterday during class: "How's your day going?" I ignored it. He called last night. We talked until 2 a.m.

I don't know where I am with Chicago. But I have to move on. I look forward to my date with Bachelor #4 tonite.

What are your thoughts? What do you think is going on? Should I just stop all communication?


SingLikeSassy said...

You know what, I was allllllll excited then you dashed my hopes to the rocks!

Um, I think it's hard to do long distance relationships just for the reasons the guy laid out to you. If you already had a foundation and he had to move, that's different than starting a relationship with a great distance between you.

Also, he's shown you who he is and you are dating with a purpose, so I would not spend a lot more time entertaining conversations with this fella that is better spent getting to know someone who will not be daunted by distance or anything else in order to get to know and love you.

Good luck!

P.S. If I had lived outside the city I would not be married now cause Mr. SLS won't go to (Vir)Ginny and rarely goes to Maryland. He hates to drive. LOL!

Anonymous said...

Girl, dump him like last week's trash. He's playing games.

Anonymous said...

He's playing with your heart and feelings. "I wish you were here." "I can't do this." Then sending happy text messages? Uh, no. You've got better things to do with your time than be bothered with someone who — at best — is wishy washy about what he wants and — at worst — is playing games.

TNDRHRT said...

I agree with Anonymous. He's playing games and is most likely involved. Let him go.

Anonymous said...

There are a lot of people on match (and other dating sites) who do this on purpose, unfortunately. It's cruel and a waste of time. But I've had this same thing happen to several friends. Two friends ended up being "matched" with the same guy playing the same game. Not simultaneously, but within the same 6-month period. My best friend had a year-long relationship with someone on She was making plans to move to New York (from L.A.) and everything. It was really serious. but during the final push to find an east coast job and look for an apartment, the guy started acting distant. It turned out he was living with someone, had been for years, had several children with the woman and everything. He never intended to establish a relationship with my friend, just string her along and dump her. He thought that was fun for some reason. People are crazy.