Back to Square One

Dear God,

I know I said I wanted a man who would worship me,
but why did you listen to me?
I don't know what the hell I'm talking about.
Love Lottie

It seemed to start off well. Like my other Match mates, Bachelor #4, who I'll call "John", and I had exchanged several emails before talking on the phone. Our conversation flowed easily. John was born in the Virgin Islands and grew up in Brooklyn. He had moved to D.C. 20 years ago to work for a transportation company and now was a manager at that same company. John was 42, never married, no kids and was currently renting an apartment in Temple Hills, Md. We talked several days before catching a movie on Sunday.

We went to see the Blindside at a small theater in Virginia. Afterwards, he suggested we grab a bite to eat. He was excited about a Boston Market he had seen on the way to the movie theater. He really wanted the meatloaf and mashed potatoes. We talked more over dinner. The conversation wasn't as serious as the one with Mr. Rutgers MBA, but that was perfectly fine. John had a down-to-earth, laid back personality.

By this time, it was 9 pm and Boston Market was closing up. "Man, I'm not ready for the date to end," he said. "How about going to Adam's Morgan? I know you have to work tomorrow. Are you interested in hanging out a little bit more?" Sure, I said.

We went to Adam's Morgan and I suggested we go to Tryst. We went into Tryst, a bright spacious coffeehouse with people on couches having serious conversations. "This is not my vibe. Let's go to Bukom," he said. "Do you mind?" No, I replied. He grabbed my hand and headed to Bukom Cafe right across the street. It was small and dark. A live-reggae band was entertaining the mostly dreadlocked crowd who were enjoying the cafe's West African cuisine. John started grooving. We found a table and ordered some drinks. He looked in my eyes, "You don't like it here do you? Let's go back to Tryst." No, I'm fine, I assured him. He didn't believe me. He stood up and grabbed my hand: "Let's go to Tryst." I'm not moving I said. "Cool." And he started grooving again to the tunes of the reggae band.

"So, what do you do on weekends?" he asked. Well, I"m in school on Saturdays from 9-5 and then I attend my church's Saturday evening service because I teach Jazzercise on Sunday mornings. "I want to go to church with you," he said. "Let's go church hopping together." I'm not really interested in going church hopping, I told him. I like my church. "I'm going to come to your Jazzercise class. Where do you teach? What time?" I laughed. No, you're not. "You don't want a boyfriend," he said. Why would you say that? I asked. "Look at your schedule. You're Miss Independent."

We stayed at Bukom for about an hour and I got home a little before midnight. John called and said that he really enjoyed our date. I enjoyed it as well. He was a perfect gentleman and generous with the compliments. He told me several times during the evening that he really liked my hair. Little did I know that it would be all downhill from there.

Monday: I received several text messages and phone calls from John. That evening he asked if we could do dinner. I told him that I had to go speak to a group of students about my career. "Why didn't you tell me about it? I would have come to support you." I just didn't think about it, I said. "So when you're in a relationship, are you committed? I mean do you cheat?" he asked. I'm not the cheatin' kind, I said. "Good, good, cause I really like you."

Tuesday: I received several text messages and phone calls from John. He wanted to do dinner that evening. We talked when I got home and I asked him what he had in mind. He wanted Chinese. I suggested that we go to a Mexican restaurant because I wanted a margarita. "Mexican? You mean like Taco Bell?" he asked. No, a real Mexican restaurant. They don't serve margaritas at Taco Bell, I said. "I never been to a Mexican restaurant, but I'll try it. Do you know where one is?" Yeah. There are several near my house. But we decided maybe lunch on Wednesday would be better because I had to get up early the next day.

Wednesday: John called me at 6:30 a.m. I didn't answer. He called again at 7:30. I picked up the phone. Hello? "I just wanted to make sure you were up because you said you had an early appointment." I"ll get up in 30 minutes I said. My phone rings at 8. "You up yet? I don't want you to miss your appointment." Now, I understand that he was being thoughtful, but seriously 3 phone calls before 9 a.m.? I received a call from John during lunchtime. "I want you to be my girlfriend," he declared. After one date? I asked. "Look, I know what I want." But don't you want to get to know me? I mean, people usually date for a certain length of time before they decide to become romantically involved, I said. "Well, Google it and let me know how long we're suppose to date before you can become my girlfriend. Is it a few weeks, months?" I was at work and told him we could continue the conversation later that evening. "So did you find out?" he asked after I had gotten home from work. Find out what? "When you can become my girlfriend." No. "So do you have plans on Sunday? Let's go hang out at Hains Point." That sounds good. "Maybe we could grab some ice cream if it's nice out." We'll see.

Thursday: I get an early text message from John, "Good morning." Hi, I replied. Got a busy day today and project due this evening. "Well, have a good day," he said. And with that, I put my phone on silence for the rest of the day. I had to cover a luncheon and then had an in-person interview afterwards. I didn't want my phone going off. When I checked my phone early that evening, there were several messages and phone calls from John - about 4 or 5 missed calls. I called him back that night. "So how was your day," he asked. I sensed a little sarcasm in his voice. Busy. I said. A lot of running around and I had a deadline. "Well, there's someone in my office. I'll call you back." Sure. A minute later, I received this text message from John: "Why do Black women play so many games?" I replied: "John, if you have an issue, let's discuss it like adults." I never heard back from him. I didn't get it. Was he upset with me because I had a busy day, had to meet a deadline and didn't get back to him in a timely manner?

So here I am, back to square one. Is it me? What am I doing wrong? Maybe I'm not girlfriend material.

What do you think?