Stood Up

On Sunday, my friend Tanya sent me the latest Washington Post Date Lab article. It featured a woman who had been stood up on her "Date Lab" date.

The 50-year-old computer software tester waited a little more than 30 minutes before realizing her blind date was not coming. Read the entire article here. She seemed to take it in stride, ordering dinner and chatting up another customer at the bar.

But I was thinking: How rude ! Dude is an idiot ! He wasn't apologetic or showed any kind of remorse. He didn't even try to make up a lame excuse. Instead he refused to answer his phone or return the Post's phone calls. What a coward.

Anyway, I think he did her a favor. Just think, if he's not going to show up for a date arranged by a national newspaper and written about for a national audience, then he's not going to show up for other, more important things - like a real relationship. Better for her to find out now than later. Remember: When people show you who they are believe them - the first time !

It's ironic that Tanya sent me that article Sunday, when I was suppose to meet up with someone that afternoon - and he was MIA (lol).

We had made plans earlier in the week to meet at the National Harbor at 4 pm on Sunday. Saturday morning he text me, wanting to know if we could do dinner that evening. I told him Sunday was still best. He text me again Saturday evening, wanting to know if we could meet up that evening. I told him no again, explaining that I had to teach Jazzercise the next morning and needed to prepare for my class.

Anyway, Sunday comes. After my Jazzercise class - around 11:30 a.m. — I text him to see if we're still on for 4 pm. I didn't hear back from him until 3:45. He sent me a text informing me that he was just leaving Richmond and would come to the city.

WHAT ? !

As you may know, Richmond is 2 hours away - which meant he wouldn't get to the city until around 6 or so. I told him not to bother coming. I had already made other plans.

So dude sent me a text at 10:20 PM: "Can I come over?"

I was livid: You got some nerve, I replied back. Don't contact me again.
And I blocked his number.

I'm so sick of this: meeting these dudes who are unreliable, irresponsible, not dependable. I want to meet a nice man, a good guy. I want someone HONEST, someone who does what he says he's gonna do.

geez...

Anyway, what are your thoughts on the Date Lab no-show?
What are your experiences with no-shows?

Let me know your thoughts.

Searching for Mrs. Huxtable

So last night on the Millionaire Matchmaker, Patti was trying to find love for a 38-year-old Nigerian businessman. Ayinde was a former professional volleyball player who currently owns a successful radio internet company.

This was his second time using Patti's service. He didn't think his first match was intelligent enough. So he was back again determined to find his "Mrs. Huxtable."

Ayinde explained that he wanted someone who had beauty AND intelligence AND personality.

"I deserve a 10 on the inside and a 10 on the outside," Ayinde told Patti. "I want the 'AND' not the 'Or.' (beauty and brains, not beauty or brains)

Patti asked the entrepreneur what were the top 3 things he was looking for. He said: 1) intellectual curiosity 2) spiritual, but not religious 3) business acumen.

Check out their conversation here:



So Patti set Ayinde up on 5 mini dates. They were all gorgeous. Most had college degrees. I believe the majority had their own business.

Ayinde asked each young lady where she attended school and her occupation. He asked one if she had read The Autobiography of Malcolm X. She hadn't. He asked another if she spoke any foreign languages. (He speaks 8).

He didn't choose the one who went to Brown University or the one who went to the University of North Carolina Chapel Hill or the young lady who attended Texas A&M. He chose someone whose favorite movie was Zoolander.

Anyway, they go on their date and he gives her low marks because she isn't "established" enough. (She owns an aromatherapy cleaning service). He also didn't think she was down to earth.

Ayinde is ultimately disappointed, not having found his Mrs. Huxtable. He tells Patti her service doesn't work. She is pissed. Check out their exchange here:


Okay this is the thing: Ayinde needs to save his money and stop using Patti's service. He should leave California and move to D.C. I can introduce him to PLENTY of women who meet his requirements: smart, beautiful, down to earth. There are more than enough qualified candidates here in the nation's capital.

With the number of single, college-educated professional Black women out there (hasn't he read any of the articles in the past 2 years), why do you think Ayinde hasn't found his "Mrs. Huxtable?"

Let me know your thoughts.

Money & Friends, Money & Men

So, I'm watching an old episode of Sex & The City and Carrie needs money. She has to find a new apartment, but doesn't have enough for a down payment. The bank will not give her a loan because she doesn't have good credit or enough in her savings account.

She goes to her ex-boyfriend, BIG, and tells him about her problem. He writes her a check for $30,000.

When she tells her girlfriends that BIG gave her money to put down on a New York apartment, they have mixed feelings.

Miranda offers to give her the money instead, at least half. Samantha offers to give her the other half. Charlotte doesn't say anything.

Later, Carrie confronts Charlotte about why she didn't offer to loan her money (like Samantha and Miranda). Carries tells Charlotte that if she was in trouble and needed money she would be there for her.

So my first question is, if you were in financial need would you accept money from your man - your boyfriend? Does it matter how long you guys have been dating? What if he was your fiance? What about your ex-boyfriend?

Now, $30,000 is a lot of money. Would you lend that much to a friend of you had it to spare?

Let me know your thoughts.

Women and Leadership

A couple of days ago I was listening to a local gospel station on my way in to work. The question of the day was: Who were the better leaders - men or women?

Well, this woman calls in. I would say she was maybe mid-30s, mid-40s. She said that men were the better leaders because women were too emotional and vindictive by nature.

Whoa ! That's pretty harsh.

But what do you think of what she said?
Do you think women don't make good leaders because they're too emotional?
Do you think women are vindictive by nature?

What has been your experience with a male or female boss?
(I must say that when I was in school, I felt that my female professors graded harder than my male professors. But maybe that was because they were trying to get me to do my best.?)

Let me know your thoughts.

Where You At?

So yesterday I was listening to the entertainment report on the radio and heard that R&B soulstress Jennifer Hudson has postponed her wedding - again.

According to the report, this time its because her fiance, David Otunga, has refused to sign a prenuptial agreement. Media outlets are crediting the urban gossip website MediaTakeOut with the exclusive news. Here's the brief post.

As you know, Jennifer and David have been together a few years now and have a 2-year-old son. Otunga, a Harvard graduate, appeared on the VH1 reality show I Love New York 2 and is now a WWE wrestler. And Jennifer, who's lost more than 80 pounds, is riding high with a great new album and as a successful Weight Watchers spokeswoman. (I don't even need to mention girlfriend's Oscar).

Of course, this is just a rumor. But do you think it's wrong for Jennifer to ask her fiance to sign a prenup?

Let me know your thoughts.

Lawn Care

I woke up Friday morning to my neighbor across the street mowing my lawn.

Now, this summer he asked me if he and his sons (4 of his 10 kids live with him at times) could cut my grass. He made it seem as if the young men would be making money for the summer.

So I said, sure. (I mean, why not give young people an opportunity to earn some honest cash while they're out of school?)

But this idea turned out to be a disaster.

First of all, I don't carry cash. So, as usual when someone cuts my grass, I wrote a check. When I asked him for the correct spelling of his name, he said "What am I going to do with a check?"

I told him that I always pay my lawn people with a check, but I could stop by the bank to get some cash. Well of course, I never remembered to stop by the bank. He would send his son over to bang on my door every night - until I had the money.

One evening I had come home from teaching a Jazzercise class and was in the shower when I heard loud banging on my door. It was 9 pm. It startled me.

After that, they would wait for me to either leave out in the morning or come home in the evening and ask me when they could cut my grass again. They live directly in front of me, so they always saw when I left out and when I came in. It became sort of annoying.

My neighbor assured me that he got his bank account "fixed" so I eventually gave them a day and time to cut my grass again.

Well, the second time they did my grass, I wrote a check again. But this time he told me he couldn't do anything with a check on the weekend because he wouldn't be able to cash it until Tuesday.

Again, I kept forgetting to stop by the bank to get cash. And that meant more banging on my door every night and more watching me come and go every day.

This was becoming more than it was worth.

My previous lawn guys would do my front and back yards and I would leave a check in my mailbox for them. Simple.

So, I had decided that I would go back to my old lawn guys. It would be less of a headache.

But Friday morning I woke up to my neighbor mowing my lawn. I was like WHAT? I did not ask him to mow my lawn and he did not ask me if it was okay to cut my grass that morning.

Granted, my grass was a little high and needed to be cut. But I believe as the homeowner, I should decide when I want to get my grass cut and who should cut it.

Anyway, as I locked my front door and walked to my car, he came running over (because you know they watch when I leave out and when I come in) asking when I wanted him to do the backyard.

I asked him why he cut my grass. He said it was high. I told him that he should have asked me. I explained that I would pay him for the front, but I did not want him to do the back.

Well, he was PISSED.

He said he didn't want my money and that he had enough customers anyway.
I insisted on paying him for the front, but he walked away.

What do you guys think?
Do you think I was wrong to ask him to ask me to cut my grass?
Do you think it was okay for him to just come over without an appointment and do my lawn?
And what about the whole "checks" thing?

Manifesting Love (Part 2)

In my last blog, I wrote about a teleclass I listened to by relationship expert Matt Boggs and motivational speaker Lisa Nichols titled "The 3 Secrets to Manifesting Love."

I noted how we may be self-sabotaging ourselves with our own negative self images.

Tonite I want to talk about Boggs' second "secret" to manifesting love. Boggs calls it the Law of Polarity - basically that feminine energy attracts masculine energy.

"A man's sense of self-worth or manhood, is what he's contributing to you," said Boggs. "Your ability to receive from him ignites his masculine energy and your feminine energy."

Women should learn how to "joyfully receive" Boggs said.

hmmmm. Okay. I can do that. (lol)

Then Boggs said something that was quite interesting: "There is one thing that men want more than sex and that is to have their thoughts respected." Men "want respect," Boggs emphasized.

"When you don't allow a man to step up and lead, then you are communicating 'I don't trust you to provide for me and your ability to take care of me.'

Boggs continued: "A man will seek you out when he feels like a man in your presence."

hmmm.

I remember the time I went out to dinner with a guy. It was a popular restaurant and there was a wait. When the host asked for his last name to put us on the waiting list, he could barely open his mouth to tell the host his name. So I spoke up for him, for us - and spelled HIS name out for the host.

Geez. But I guess he didn't feel like a "man" in my presence. Now that I think about it, maybe my actions "disrespected" him.

Anyway, what do you think of what Boggs' said?