A Homecooked Meal

I was talking to a guy last night. He is from Ghana. He asked me where I was from. I told him Mississippi. He said he loved African women and Southern women.

"Really?" I said. "Why?" I asked.

He told me that he liked Southern women because "they can cook and they know how to take care of a man."

Now, I didn't know if I should have been offended or flattered by his comment.

I remember a few years ago, a male church member would help me out with some of my home projects. I would always ask him how much I owed him for the work and he would always opt for just a homecooked meal. So I would cook dinner and we would talk.

One day he told me I was perfect: "Man, you're nice, smart and you can cook," he said. He expressed his interest in me, but said he wasn't sure if I could be submissive - LOL. This young man is now married.

So the Ghanaian got me to thinking: Maybe my relationships aren't working out because I haven't shown my "nurturing" side. I don't remember the last time I cooked dinner for a male suitor.

My realtor once told me he dated a young lady for more than a year and not "once did she cook dinner for me." And on another occasion a former boyfriend told me that he liked to visit Brazil because women there "let men be men." (What do you think that means?)

Is this what guys want?

It reminded me of a scene in the movie, The Best Man. Writer Taye Diggs comes home and his girlfriend, played by Sanaa Lathan had cooked dinner and had a nice warm bath ready for her man. In college, Diggs' character was in love with Nia Long's character who had become a successful television producer. His friend told him that Long's character, who was single, would not make a good wife (or would never settle down), because that type of woman would always put her career first.

Interesting.

So I ask, despite all the progress and gains we've made over the years, do men really want a "traditional" wife?
What are your thoughts on this?

Deal-Breakers

I'm suppose to be working right now, but I had to catch up on last night's premiere episode of The Millionaire Matchmaker. And since I don't have cable I have to watch it on the computer.

I know it's an entertainment show, but I always learn something from matchmaker Patti Stanger. For example, she suggests that couples be monogamous for at least a minimum of three months before becoming intimate. Good advice I think.

She's in New York this season and last night asked one of her clients to list his 5 deal-breakers, non-negotiables, if you will. What EXACTLY are you looking for in a mate she asked him.

When you meet someone, Patti suggested to him, interview them, qualify them and if they don't meet your requirements, walk the other away. Don't waste your time. (I'm paraphrasing of course.) Check out the video here or look at it below (it's only 1:51).


Now, I've done this and have gotten beaten up about it. But several things have happened over the past year or so since I've been dating. First, I've met guys who, on the surface, was everything I wanted; but for whatever reason I didn't really click with them. Then, in an effort to be open and broaden my horizons, I've gone out with guys who were totally opposite of what I wanted which led to some hilarious, frightful and, may I say, eventful times.

Interestingly, the last guy I dated, I really liked - and he didn't meet any of my requirements - lol. He hadn't finished college, he was divorced and had a child. But I really enjoyed being with him. Go figure.

Anyway, Patti's client listed his 5 deal-breakers. He desired: someone who definitely wanted children; someone who had friends; someone who was spontaneous; someone who came from a good family and someone who was HOT (Patti made him choose something else so he said someone who was Honest).

These are all good things. Honesty is definitely on the top of my list of non-negotiables.

What are your 5 dealbreakers - things that are non-negotiable?
What EXACTLY are you looking for in a mate?
Did you check out the video? What do you think of Patti's suggestions? Do you agree with her?

The Atlanta Housewives

So, I still don't have my cable back. But I was able to watch the first episode of The Real Housewives of Atlanta on my computer.

Thank God for technology because it was good.

The Housewives series is one of my guilty pleasures (along with the Millionaire Matchmaker and court shows) so I couldn't wait to see what the ladies in Atlanta were up to in their third season, especially with the two new cast members.

And they didn't disappoint. Can I say drama for yo' mama?

oooh, weee !!!

So let's dish:
When did Dwight and NeNe fall out?

What do you think of Kandi's new beau? (An NFL baller who plays for the Baltimore Ravens). He has a beautiful smile (nice straight white teeth - lol).

Kim admits her lesbian affair and is nervous about her 13-year-old daughter dating. (I liked that she told her daughter, "We don't chase boys.")

Sheree's male beautician looks better than me in makeup and his nails are absolutely fabulous (red like Sheree's purse). Anyway, I wish I was as feminine as he was, maybe I could get a date.

Do you guys miss Lisa?

And what do you think of the new housewife - Attorney Phaedra Parks? Girlfriend looks like she's going to be a handful (to say the least) - LOL.

If the first episode is any indication, this is going to be a great season. Can we say, DRAMA, DRAMA, DRAMA !

But isn't that what good TV is all about?

What are your thoughts? Did you see the first episode?

(image by Quantrell Colbert/Bravo)

Bad Connection

Remember Chicago?

Well, he wants to come visit me for my birthday - Nov. 4th, which is 2 weeks away. The thing is - I don't like him.

But I don't know how to tell him that.

As you may recall, I met him on Match in January. We talked or text or emailed everyday for about 7 months. (He would call early in the morning and lovingly tell me -"I wish you were here.") For months I enjoyed talking to him and looked forward to his emails and texts throughout the day. He filled a void in my life.

But then I met him.

On the surface, he had all the qualities I was looking for: perfect age (38) and a college-educated professional, never married, no kids. But there was something about him that was just, I don't know... weird !

I didn't feel a connection at all. But obviously he did and has booked his flight to come visit for my birthday weekend.

I don't want him to come.

I have a few rituals for my birthday. I go to the spa every year and I have brunch with about 4 or 5 of my close friends.

This year, I want to do the same. I want to go to the spa. I want to have brunch with my friends and maybe see an exhibit or Tyler Perry's new movie "For Colored Girls Who Considered Suicide When The Rainbow Is Enuf," which is coming out Nov. 5th. Check out the trailer here: .

Even though it would be nice to finally have someone to spend my birthday with for once, I don't want to spend my birthday trying to entertain someone I really don't like. I want to enjoy my birthday with my friends, not stressed with some dude.

I want to call him and say don't come, but he's already bought his ticket (he emailed me his itinerary).

What do I do?
What are your thoughts?

Men and Money

I love "judge" shows, especially Judge Judy and People's Court.
Many cases feature a woman (both the young and mature) suing an ex-boyfriend, ex-fiance,ex-lover, for a "loan" she made him when they were together.

Now these "loans" vary from a small amount to larger amounts - for a car, or down payment on an apartment or for a computer, etc. These men often claim that the money were "gifts" (she wanted to help me out).

So my question today is:

Would you lend your boyfriend money if he needed it?

Does it matter how long you have been dating or if you were
in a long-term, serious committed relationship?

Does it matter how much money?

Does it matter what the money was for?

I once dated a guy who asked me to loan him money to go on a ski
trip with his boys. The ski trip just happened to be on Valentine's DAY !!
(Was he an idiot? Boy do I know how to pick 'em -lol). The conversation ended with a simple no.

But what are your thoughts on men and money?

A Lecture on Long

I haven't written about the Bishop Long scandal on purpose. I'm trying my best to withhold judgment. Right now, there are only accusations. But there are plenty of other folks who are weighing in on the matter.

Check out the video below from a bisexual Atlanta pastor. What are your thoughts on what he has to say?

Her Husband

My friend is the sweetest lady. We grew up together, but with our busy schedules, we aren't able to talk as much as we would like, however technology, of course, has made communication easier.

But...

I don't like her husband.

I think he's rude, arrogant, insensitive. I think he talks too much and says things before thinking without regard of the impact his words may have on someone. I also think he's a little bit sexist. I'm extremely uncomfortable around him. (He's always asking me why I can't keep a man, which hurts my feelings).

I don't like him I tell ya.

But...

He's not my husband and I don't have to.

My friend can love who she wants. They have a family, several beautiful children. So, I email her, communicate via Facebook and call her when I know he's not around. I've avoided visiting her and see her when I can, which can be years sometimes.

Have you ever been in this situation?
Has one of your close friends married someone who you don't get along with?
How do you deal with a situation like this?