Question of the Day

If you had money or were married to an extremely wealthy man, would you have a nanny to take care of your child or children?

Why or why not?

Do you think having a nanny would allow you to spend more time with your husband or that you'll have more time to nurture your marriage?

Lena Horne: A Class Act

On Friday, legendary actress and singer Lena Horne was laid to rest in New York. At 92, she was still the symbol of grace and elegance. Hollywood royalty came out to pay their respects to the dear lady — Diahann Carroll, Cicely Tyson, among others. Tony award-winning actress Audra McDonald sung Amazing Grace at Horne's casket, a fitting tribute to one incomparable soul.


It is so ironic that McDonald was tapped to honor Horne because I believe she is one of the few actresses who could actually play Horne if her life was made into a movie. Like Horne, McDonald has conquered Broadway, television, film and even recorded several albums. She indeed walks in her footsteps.

Who else do you think could play Lena Horne, a lady who was glamorous, sophisticated, charming and extraordinarily talented?



My co-workers threw out a few names: Paula Patton, Alicia Keys, Janet Jackson, Beyonce, Halle Berry. What do you think?

Money Matters

Does money really matter in a relationship?

Would you date/marry a person who made significantly less than you?

As you may have heard, Academy Award-winning actress Halle Berry and her baby daddy, model Gabriel Aubry recently broke up . According to one of the radio entertainment reports, Halle would tell Gabriel that he wasn't putting in his fair share and taunt him with her Oscar. hmmm. Halle has made $20 million a film, unless she's dating Will Smith, Denzel Washington, Jamie Foxx or Tom Cruise, she's not going to meet that many people who will "put in their fair share." Of course, she's Halle Berry and can probably date anyone she wants, including billionaires.

But let's talk about normal people.

If you made, say, $200,000 a year, would you date someone who made $20,000 a year or someone who made minimum wage or worked the cash register at McDonald's?

Men don't seem to have a problem dating women who make significantly less. For example, we've seen millionaires who date/marry nannies (Tiger Woods), waitresses (O.J. & Tiger Woods), bartenders (Matt Damon) and school teachers (Bob Costas of NBC sports).

On the other hand, some well-educated, successful, professional women have a problem dating men who are not "on their level." In fact, in a recent Essence magazine article titled, Why Don't We Get Married? Black Men and Women Face Off, one of the male panelists said:"Too many women feel that because they went to a top university and make a certain amount of money, that they are entitled to a certain type of man. You are not entitled to anything. And most men that these women would call "on their level" don't care how much money a woman makes."

(Of course not because men on that level want eye candy, porn stars and model types — but I digress.)

Do you think despite our educational and professional success, women still believe in the traditional role of men as the breadwinner? Shouldn't we just focus on whether he's nice and not how much he makes?

Do you think women believe they will be taken advantage of financially if they're with someone who has less wealth? Is it because they don't want to "take care" of a man?

Do you think men who make less are less ambitious? Do you think some men feel emasculated, less than a man, if he can't support his family or makes less than his mate? What about the school teacher who doesn't care about money, but wants to make a difference in the lives of children? Does that make him less desirable because he doesn't want to be a millionaire?

On the other hand, do you want to be in a relationship where you are footing the bill for everything — movies, dinner, trips, hotel, airline tickets, concerts, etc. What if you were married and had to pay for your own wedding ring, the wedding, the honeymoon, buy the house and both your cars, the furniture and every other expense — but he was a nice guy (loving, kind, caring)?

What if he keeps the house clean or rubs your feet after a hard day's work? What if he just lends a supportive ear during an extremely stressful time or hugs you close when all the world is against you? Isn't that all we really need, someone to hold our hand and ease our fears?

Everyone likes to be wined and dined, but would you rather have a nice man with an average income who is faithful or a successful millionaire who cheats?
I have one friend who is a doctor, married to a mechanic. Another friend who makes six figures working in the financial industry is married to a department store clerk. Both seem happy.

So I guess my question is, does money really matter in a relationship?

100th Blog Post !!!

Wahoo !!!!
This is my 100th blog post.
I can't believe I've written a hundred blog posts in just a little over a year.
Oh, my.

So, what shall I write about? I promised myself that I would not focus on boys for this momentous occasion. It's hard because I have some boy news for you, and you guys seem to really like the boy news.

But it will have to wait. I want my 100th blog to be about something important: our finances. Ladies, we are not doing well.

First, let me clear up a huge mistake that was in the media a few months ago: The median wealth of Black women is not $5. It's not.

The truth is the median wealth of MINORITY women (Black and Hispanic) between the ages of 36-49 (considered the prime working age) is $5. For White women in the same age group, the median wealth is $42,600.

Did you get that?

This is all according to a study by the Insight Center for Community Economic Development . Their report, "Lifting as We Climb: Women of Color, Wealth, and America's Future," looked at the wealth gap between White women and minority women. And what a gap ! The study found that minority women have only a fraction (a fraction !) of a penny for every dollar of wealth owned by single White women. Wealth is defined as the value of one's assets (real estate, savings, checking, stocks, bonds, etc.) minus debts.

Let's look at some numbers:
Single Black and Hispanic women have a median wealth of $100.
Single White women have a median wealth of $41,500.
Nearly half of all single Black and Hispanic women have zero or negative wealth.
Most of the wealth owned by Black and Hispanic women come in the form of vehicles - a depreciating asset. (There goes my BMW).

*** Never-married women of color experience the largest wealth disadvantage and — according to the report — Black women are less likely to marry and remain married. (Ouch!)
Never-married women of color have a median wealth of zero.
Never-married White women have a median wealth of $2,600.
Divorced women of color have a median wealth of $4,200.
Divorced White women have a median wealth of $52,120.

Depressed yet?

Let's look at some more numbers:
Minority women between the age of 50-65 have a median wealth of $56,980.
The median wealth of White women in this age group is $111,400.
Interestingly, the median wealth of Black women drops after the age of 65 to
$46,800. But it increases for White women to $191,070.

Retirement:
Women of color had the highest poverty rates for people over age 65.
Nearly 40 percent of Black women age 65 and older who lived alone were poor compared to only 16 percent of White women.
More than 60 percent of White women age 65 and older receive income from assets compared with only a quarter of Black women.

Assets:
About one-fourth of Black women do not have a bank account.
Only a third of Black women own homes compared with 57 percent of White women.
45 percent of White women own stock compared with only 23 percent of Black women.

So, what does this all mean?
Well, for me it means I need to marry a White man.
(I'm too old -and ugly- to have a baby by a rapper or athlete).

But seriously, we just have to take better care of our finances. We have to spend less and save more. We need to have assets so we won't be struggling during our retirement years.

I encourage you to read the entire report. It's quite interesting. It gives a number of reasons why there is such a huge wealth gap between White women and women of color including historical and institutional reasons as well as our own cultural obligations to family that keep us in debt.

Any thoughts?

"Finding" A Husband

As you guys know, I was involved in a little "situation" last week while studying for my comprehensive exams.

I have cancelled my online dating site subscriptions.
It's been quite an experience to say the least.

Let's see. In the three months I had an online account:
I met an Indian guy who assaulted me; had dinner with a really nice guy who never called back; had long daily conversations with a man from Chicago; talked to a 46-year-old White guy with two grown children; and unknowingly went out with a man who was nearly engaged.

It's the most I've dated in a couple of years. It was good to get out and meet, just talk to different people from all walks of life. These are people I would have never met in my every day routine.

The other day, I was talking to one of my guy friends who also happens to be a pastor. He told me I should never have been on a dating web site in the first place — not if I was looking for a husband.

Huh?

He said, women are not suppose to go "looking for a husband. A man is suppose to find you." As a Christian, he told me, I was suppose to trust God and that HE will find me a suitable mate.

"Do you trust God?" he asked.

I argued that I was being proactive because my life had boiled down to work, school and Jazzercise. I needed to at least get out of the house and meet people. You know the whole, "faith without works is dead," thing. I told him I was not going to find my husband stuck in the house.

"There you go again," he said. "You're not suppose to FIND your husband. God is."

What do you guys think of this?

Weekend Update

Before I get into my weekend news, I wanted to ask if anyone had seen the new Black reality TV shows on VH1 last night. Let's see: There was A Family Business, singers Brandy and Ray Js' new show with their parents, Basketball Wives produced by Shaquille O'Neal's ex-wife Shaunie (are they divorced yet?) and What Chilli Wants, featuring Rozonda "Chilli" Thomas from the famed '90s group TLC, looking for her soul mate (what do you think of her Checklist?). And last Thursday, LisaRaye's (of The Player's Club and All of Us fame) new reality show, The Real McCoy, debuted on TV One.

My guilty pleasure is Reality TV and that's a whole lotta TV (lol).

So, on to the news: Remember the blog I wrote a few weeks ago about a 43-year-old guy I met online who, after the first date, would call me early in the a.m., text me several times a day and declared that he wanted me to be his girlfriend (after only one date)? Well, I learned this weekend that he's been talking marriage with another young lady he met online.

Now, I don't know when they met online, but since our first and only date last month, this dude has continued to call and text me. In fact, last weekend he text me, "I Miss You! When Can I See You?" Then he called to see if he could bring flowers to my office — that never happened. This past weekend he called me about 4 times on Friday, a few times on Saturday and at least twice yesterday on Sunday, still declaring that he wanted to make me his girlfriend ("I'm trying to get with you"). I still have the text messages from this weekend, "hope you do well on your test", "missing you" and "thinking about us."

Now, from what I understand, this other young lady is serious about this guy and believes he is "the one." She's seriously considering marrying him. He's obviously swept her off her feet. Remember, he's very good at compliments. On our first date, he couldn't stop telling me how much he liked my hair or how he thought I was so beautiful. He keeps asking me to go to New York with him (he's from Brooklyn) or take a train ride down to Mississippi (he works for Amtrak). And ends each phone call with, "I miss you" (after only one date?). I usually say nothing. Recently he asked if I was interested in having children. He thinks I'll be a good mother. On Saturday evening he confessed, "We just have this connection."

Really? (Why didn't I feel it?)
Anyway, I wonder how many other "connections" old dude has.

I'm not into this guy at all, but this young lady is. Unfortunately, he's playing games — with hearts. That's not cool. You don't do that.
I haven't heard from him today. I wonder if she confronted him - or if she even knows.

What do you think is up with this guy?
Do you think he's just trolling online sites to see who will bite?

How would you feel if you found out that someone you wanted to marry was doing this? What would you do?

jeez...

In Search Of

One of the most fun things about this online dating thing is reading the different profiles. It gives you a glimpse into a person's mindset, a sense of who they are, what they are looking for and if you are a good fit.

Here's one from a 36-year-old gentleman who is currently separated and who lives with his kids. I found it amusing:

I'm an attractive, formally educated, sort of bad boy (nothing illegal) who is looking for a woman with more traditional values. I have good morals, will not swear (around your kids), won't show my a** in public, but, i'm spontaneous, somewhat outgoing, can converse on a wide variety of issues and fit in a lot of different arenas (i'm a teacher...public school) and i love a good woman who knows (and i mean really knows) how to treat a man. I'm not a handyman, but what i lack in the carpentry/engineering skills, i make up for in many other ways. i'm definitely all man. i love women and only women! lol. i don't wear pink and have questionable behaviors (pseudo-gay stuff). i like to smell good and dress nice but i'm not in the mirror more than you nor do i dress too nice....too color coordinated. i want a woman that allows a man to be a man. a little drama is nice, true indeed, but alotta women (that i have dated) want to challenge and browbeat men to death in order to get their way. and please, please don't be the type that holds grudges (and other stuff) till your man gives in. my best friend and i were just talking about "our next woman". we both agreed that we would strongly consider a woman from a different country, (and you may be asking why) because women from other countries are still extremely beautiful but they're not as fussy, not so set on getting their way on every issue.....(if you have serious issues with this last statement....ya might want to stop reading) i'm a libra so i can be alotta things, indecisive and spontaneous, and sometimes boring and routine. take me as i am....i can be a pleasant surprise.

What are your thoughts on this "sort of bad boy"?