Today, Going Forward

I'm trying to keep my head up, have a positive outlook. But it's hard when the past keeps rearing its ugly head, biting me in the a$$.

For whatever reason, I keep getting reminded of the mistakes I made in my 20s - how I dismissed the good guys, the marriage material.

Indeed it was just this week when I spoke to a guy who was interested in me in college. Today he works for a Fortune 500 company, financially successful, happily married with kids.

Me? Alone in D.C.

The devil is laughing at me for sure.

It was the third time this year that's happened to me. The young guys who I dismissed in college are now successful men who are happily married with kids. It's like they're throwing it in my face: I'm rich. I'm happy. I'm married. And where are you? Struggling and alone. How you like me now?

How could I have been so stupid? Why didn't I make better decisions?

Oprah has said: "We are where we are today because of the choices we made."

I've made some really bad choices. I chose to date losers, men who I knew weren't about nothing. And I'm paying for those choices today. Look at me - single at nearly 40.

I'm trying not to beat myself up about it. I know I can't change the past. I have to move forward. But it's hard when you're alone and you haven't had a date in a while or a LOVING long-term relationship since college.

I'm struggling. I regret the choices I made. I wish I had made better decisions when it came to men. I believe my life would be different today.

But I take full responsibility: I am where I am today because of the decisions I made. I can't blame anybody but myself.

So today going forward I just have to make better choices. Hopefully it's not too late.