Today's Dating Scene

There seems to be some kind of theme going on. A few weeks ago, I pointed out an article in Uptown magazine titled "7 Things in Relationships That Separate Men From Boys." Here's my original post.

This time Essence.com's matchmaker, Paul Carrick Brunson tackles the "men v. boys" issue and comes up with his own list. In his list of How to Tell If You're Dating a Boy or a Man two of his points really struck a chord.

The first was #11: Boys send text messages. Men call.
I have to tell you, this has become one of my biggest pet peeves - men who only want to text. What happened to picking up the phone and having a real CONVERSATION - talking? I met a guy during a speeddating session on Valentine's Day. Well, we've exchanged text messages and that's about it. He sends the usual -"How was your day," or "What are your plans for this weekend," etc. But not once has he picked up the phone to have a conversation. I want to hear your voice. I want to get to know you by talking to you and finding out what you're interested in, your hobbies, your goals. I want to hear you laugh - not see LOL. I want to hear when you're passionate or happy or disappointed. Don't send me a text with a sad face. geez. Listen, I don't have unlimited texting, so there's only so much texting you can do before I start charging you.

The second item that struck a chord was #14: Boys split the check. Men pay.
I know a guy who stopped dating a woman because she didn't offer to pay half for dinner. He met her online. The guy, a 50-something professional, asked her out to dinner. They went to a nice restaurant in the city. When the check came it was nearly $100. Well, he was turned off that she didn't even offer to pay the tip. But he liked her, thought she was very attractive, so he asked her out again. They went to another restaurant and again, she didn't move a finger when the check came. He was upset. "It's expensive to date," he said. "And she didn't even offer to put something on the check." He never called her again. Huh? If a guy asks you out on a first date, are you suppose to pay half or offer to contribute to the bill?

So what do you guys think? Is this the way people date today - texting and expecting women to pay half for dinner?

What's up with these "text-only" relationships? (if you can call it a relationship) I mean how can you effectively communicate and get to know someone when you're only texting? Why don't today's men want to pick up the phone and talk?

And what about contributing to the date? Are women suppose to contribute to the date if a guys asks them out? Does it matter if it's the first date, second date or months-long, yearlong relationship?

Thoughts?

No Qualified Candidates?

Last August I bought one of those vouchers for matchmaking services. As you know, I've done online dating, speeddating, and other things to meet a potential partner, so I decided I'll try my hand at matchmaking. I mean, it couldn't hurt. I love the show Millionaire Matchmaker and these are suppose to be the experts at helping you find "true" love, right? Lol.

So in October the Matchmaker contacted me and asked me to email her a little bit about myself and who I am looking for in a partner. I told her I was a writer who loved to dance and volunteer. I also enjoy cultural activities (theater, museum exhibits, etc.), sporting events and traveling.

This is what I emailed her about what I was looking for in a partner:
I would like to meet someone kind, caring and Honest.
I prefer a college-educated African American professional, never
married, no kids between the age of 38 and 45.
I want a gentleman, someone who knows how to court a Southern lady. I want
someone polished, yet laid back- a person who is comfortable at the Kennedy Center or at a Wizards game or local comedy spot.

She called me a little later: "Are you flexible?" she asked.
Of course, I said.
She continued: "Does he have to be Black? Does religion matter? Would you go out with someone with kids? What are your absolute nos?" (I think I said smoking.)

oh, geez.

Fast forward five months, it's March and I haven't heard from the Matchmaker. So I contacted her on Friday and inquired about my matchmaking services. I mean Spring is almost here and I would love to have someone to hang out with in the nice weather.

Well, I received this email from her yesterday:
Dear Lottie,
I wanted to let you know that I have been working on your profile and unfortunately, I do not think we are going to be able to help you. I do not have any gentlemen in your area that are meeting the criteria you have outlined for me. Whilst I am happy to keep you on file and search for you, I do not want you to be disappointed. If you prefer a refund, %$$$## will take care of you.

Wow.

Thoughts?

In Your Opinion...

What quality do you think is most important in marriage?

Season of Lent

This Wednesday marks the beginning of the season of Lent, "a special time of prayer, penance, sacrifice and good works in preparation of the celebration of Easter." According to the Catholic Education Resource Center, people are encouraged "to give up something" for Lent as a sacrifice.

I usually try to give up dessert for Lent. Notice I said TRY. That's my biggest weakness, all things sweet. As a result, sometimes I fail in my effort.

But I have a bigger demon this year: Reality TV.

Yep.

I believe I am addicted to Reality TV. There's something on almost every night: Basketball Wives, Love & Hip Hop, Real Housewives of Atlanta, Braxton Family Values, the Millionaire Matchmaker. Then you have all those wedding shows: Say Yes to the Dress, 4 Weddings, My Fair Wedding with David Tutera. (I had to stop watching Bridezillas because I just couldn't understand how such mean girls found husbands).

Will I be able to give up Reality TV for the next six weeks, until Easter which is April 8? I don't know. It's going to be real hard (LOL!).

Maybe I could use that time to be productive - work on my book or write some freelance articles. I may just have to pray, because my will power is going to be tested.

Tonite was the beginning of a new season of Basketball Wives and it looks like it's gonna be good. Lawd I just hope a new season of Millionaire Matchmaker doesn't start in the next six weeks !

By the way, would you consider Unsung reality tv or is it documentary, biography? What about Oprah's Master Class?

What are some things that you would find hard to give up for six weeks? (junk food? shopping? the Internet?)

Holla

Men v. Boys

What's the difference between a man and a boy?

Earlier this week, one of my FACEBOOK friends, posted this article from Uptown Magazine titled, 7 Things in Relationships That Separate Men From Boys.

Here's the author's list. My favorite is Number 7.
1) Men look for quality. Boys look for quantity.

2) Men know when to call it quits. Boys know how to wait it out.

3) Men know how to listen. Boys don't.

4) Men value a woman's time. Boys waste it.

5) Men admit their transgressions. Boys convince women they're insecure or crazy.

6) Men date women. Boys date girls.

7) Men ask women out. Boys wait to be asked.


I must admit, I've dated a lot of boys - LOL. I'm ready for a man.

So, what do you think of the author's list? Do you agree with his points? What would you add? In your opinion, what are some things that separate boys from men?

In the meantime, take a look at Toni Braxton's "Just Be A Man About It."

A Love Like This

Say what you will about rapper Jim Jones and his girl Chrissy of the VH1 show Love & Hip Hop. But one thing's for sure: Their love for each other is undeniable.

Last season when a character's manager said something nasty about Chrissy, we saw Jim confront the manager and make him apologize to her on camera. I mean Jim almost had dude by the throat. I was scared for the little man because he looked like he was gonna get a beat down.

This season we really got to witness their commitment to each other. I mean Chrissy is sho nuff a ride or die chick. She will stand up for her man and will fight anyone who she feels disrespects him.

Jim is just as passionate about his lady love.

I admired the way Jim went to his mother and, in tears, pleaded with her to make peace with Chrissy - "the woman he loved." The two had been at each other's throats a long time. In fact, Mama Jones made a diss record about Chrissy (and has performed it live). But Jim made it clear to his "mommy" that he loved Chrissy and that she was going to be in his life - whether his mother liked it or not (Check out the video below). His mother agreed to call a truce and the three even went on vacation to Jamaica.

TV Shows - Full Episode Video - Reality TV Shows

And when Jim's long-time manager, Yandy said some not-so-nice things about Chrissy, he shut that down real quick. Yandy is no longer Jim's manager. On the reunion show, Jim explained to the executive producer that "Chrissy comes first." Nuf said.

I like a man who can stand up to his mother for the woman he loves, let's his friends, co-workers and everyone around him know that this person comes first — her needs, her wants, her happiness. Chrissy noted on one of the episodes how Jim had put aside his ego, his persona, everything to be vulnerable before the cameras and express his feelings for her.

Indeed. While the other women on the show were in constant heartache about how their hip hop men refused to acknowledge their relationships, Jim was never shy about his feelings for Chrissy. In one episode he said he felt it was a PRIVILEGE that she chose to be with him.

Now, I don't condone violence by any means, but I have to give it to these guys, they have each other's back and if you mess with one, you've got a fight with both.

This season we saw Jim do something that Chrissy has been wanting for a long time. He proposed. Check out the proposal below.

TV Shows - Full Episode Video - Reality TV Shows

This is a man who protects his woman, supports her and believes it is a privilege to be with her. What do you think of a love like this?

JFK's mistress

I didn't see Meredith Viera's entire interview with Mimi Alford, the former White House intern who wrote a memoir about her affair with President John F. Kennedy. I saw Viera interviewed about the story and I saw Alford appear on the Today Show the day after the piece aired on NBC's new newsmagazine show, Rock Center with Brian Williams.

But the more I learn about this story, the more I want to get the book.

Alford was 19 when she interned at the White House, a sweet young, naive virgin. According to her, four days into her internship she began an 18-month affair with the President of the United States.

In today's Washington Post, it was revealed that President Kennedy had asked her to give his brother, Ted, a lil somethin' somethin'.

According to the Post article, they were in a Boston hotel in 1963 when Kennedy said: “Mimi, why don’t you take care of my baby brother. He could stand a little relaxation.”

Earlier in their "relationship," the Post piece notes, JFK had "urged her to perform a sex act on one of his top aides." And she did - while he watched. But this time, she refused the President's request to give his brother "a little relaxation."

The Post story, which you can read in its entirety here, reveals that after Alford returned to college, the president would fly her back to D.C., and that they continued to see each other even after she got engaged - but not sexually. She writes in her book that that's proof that she "wasn’t just a plaything to him, that he enjoyed my company . . . as a friend."

The New York Times really took Alford to task in its review of the book. Check out the review here.

But the book is titled, Once Upon a Secret: My Affair with President John F. Kennedy and Its Aftermath and I think I may pick it up this weekend. I wonder if Barnes and Nobles has any Groupon or LivingSocial vouchers.

Anyway, what do you think of this story?
Does this revelation change your mind about President Kennedy?
Does this story surprise you?
Do you think Ms. Alford was just a naive teenager who was taken advantage of by an older man with power (the President of the United States)?
Do you think she should have come forth after nearly 50 years?

Let me know your thoughts.