Manifesting Love (Part 1)

In August, I listened to a teleclass by motivational speaker Lisa Nichols and relationship expert Mat Boggs. They lectured on the "3 Secrets to Manifesting Love." They claimed that they could help listeners increase our ability to manifest and experience love.

Ha (I'm still single).

Anyway, one of the "secrets" Boggs said was to change our self image. He asked, "What is your hidden self-image?" He noted, "It's always in alignment with your current results."

hmmm. Interesting.

Boggs said that our thoughts, beliefs and actions have a direct impact on what we get out of life - including love. He noted that we may actually be self-sabotaging ourselves by what we think of ourselves.

I liked where he was going with that.

"Who do you believe yourself to be?" Boggs asked. "How much love do you believe you deserve?"

I hear ya Matt: How many times have we put up with some bullsh$t because we thought we couldn't do any better? How many times has our low self-esteem caused us to deal with guys we knew were no good, but we kept going back anyway (out of loneliness maybe)?

I guess there was a time when I didn't have the most positive self-image. I came up with a whole bunch of reasons why I couldn't attract the type of guy I wanted: I had natural hair. I'm overweight. I wasn't tall. I lived in a bad neighborhood. I wasn't polished enough, yada yada yada....

But once I started having a more positive image of myself, I began to attract guys. Now, am I attracting the type of guy I want? Naw... not really. (LOL !!!)

However, I had to stop feeling sorry for myself and concentrate on my assets. In fact, I am convinced that I am great catch - LOL !!! I know that I am not the most beautiful, the most fit, the most successful or have the greatest personality. But I do believe I have a lot of good qualities and a lot of love to give someone special.

Think about it. Men like women with confidence, women who are self-assured, women who BELIEVE in themselves. The comedian Monique ALWAYS has a man (good-looking men too).

So I ask:
Do you have a positive image of yourself?
Have you been unconsciously self-sabotaging your love life with negative thoughts of yourself?

Have you ever thought you couldn't get a date because of your weight, height, skin color or some other physical superficial trait?
Do you believe you haven't found love because of your education or your success?

Do you believe you're a great catch?
Have you ever let your insecurities get the best of you?
Do you believe you DESERVE good love?

Here's your assignment. Puff your chest up. Stand up tall. Hold your head up high. Now say with conviction: By golly, I am a damn good catch ! - LOL :)

And believe it !

A Mom at 50

As you guys can see, I'm in a writing mood.

Anyway, got my New York Magazine today. On the cover is a woman over 50 and pregnant. The cover line says, "Is She Just Too Old For This?"

I flip to the article and see the headline: Parents of A Certain Age. Right above, there's a question — "Is there anything wrong with being 53 and pregnant?" (Read the story here.)

hmmm.

I love my twin nephews and my niece. I LOVE being around them and miss them when I'm not with them. They bring a sense of JOY in my life and just the thought of them makes me SMILE. (Adam saw the nail polish on my toes and innocently asked, "does that hurt?" - lol) But as I get closer to 40, I wonder: Do I want to be a mom - NOW?

I see how my sister juggles three kids and a job — and man, it's hard work. It takes a lot of strength, energy, patience and selflessness. I just get tired thinking about all the stuff she does. It's a big sacrifice. You no longer just have yourself to think about.

So, I have to confess, right now, at this moment, I like my freedom. I can go wherever I want when I want (money and time — and deadlines — permitting) and do what I want to do without worrying about the safety and well-being of another person. I see how my sister is limited in what she can do and where she can go because she can't find a babysitter for the twins or Gabrielle, my niece. She has to take off work when one of the kids is sick and I can't tell you the last time she was able to sit peacefully and observe a church service (those twins are something in church). It can be daunting at times (my sister has called me in tears).

I have to be honest: Do I want to deal with all that at 50? (when other moms are shipping their kids off to college)

But all around me, I see women choosing motherhood — by any means necessary. And they are HAPPY.

So what do you think?
Is 50 too old to START a family?
Would you want to be 53 and pregnant?
For you, is there a cut-off age of when you want to have children? 45? 50? 60?
What are some factors that you will take in consideration in deciding whether or not to have children after age 40?

Let me know your thoughts.

Sanders vs. Sanders

There's a RUMOR going on that Deion Sanders served his wife, Pilar, with divorce papers. According to this piece on BlackAmericaWeb.com, Mrs. Sanders was taken by surprise.

An article on the website HelloBeautiful claimed that the former professional football player and spokesman said: “Enough is enough. I never signed up for all this. Enough is enough. If I wanted a model or a television star I would have married one a long time ago. All I wanted was a housewife.”

Lately Pilar has been seen on VH1's Football Wives and most recently Single Ladies. She and her husband of 11 years even had a show on the Oxygen network called Pilar & Deion: Prime Time Love. I read on Bet.com that the model and mother of three is trying to expand her brand with a new perfume and is even dipping into music.

But according to several news outlets, including this piece on thegrio.com Deion has emphatically denied filing for divorce, posting on twitter: "Ladies and gentlemen I never address IGNORANCE but I must at this point. I've never filed 4 divorce and hadn't made a statement to ANY media... When we start viewing, relying and believing gossip sites for information it says alot about oneself! God bless u all, Live, Love and Laugh!"

Well, I have to say this - none of us really knows what's going on in this marriage. On the outside, they are a beautiful couple indeed. But no one knows what goes on behind closed doors and out of the reality spotlight.

I hope these RUMORS aren't true: that Deion is leaving his wife because she wants to pursue a career outside the home. As an NFL wife, she supported him through the ups and downs of his football career. Now I hope he supports her as she tries to make a name for herself on her own.

Thoughts?

Morning Quote

I came across this quote this morning in my inbox from Oprah.com and had to share it:
“To be fully seen by somebody, then, and be loved anyhow—this is a human offering that can border on miraculous.”

— Elizabeth Gilbert

Wow.

This is a powerful statement. And isn't this what we all want — to have someone, despite all our faults and imperfections, love us anyhow?

aaaahhhh....

Loving Him (Part 2)

So today I want to talk about Daddy issues.

On one of the episodes of Basketball Wives, cast member Evelyn Lozado confronted her father about not being there for her growing up. She said during the episode, "When you don't have a father in your life, that's just such a big part of your life missing." She noted that she was looking for love in all the wrong places because she didn't have a father and that a lot of the bad decisions that she made had to do with the fact that her father was absent from her life.
Check out the video below:

Get More: Basketball Wives, Full Episodes, Reality TV Shows

hmmm.

As a child, did you see your parents in a loving relationship? Was your father in the home? Do you think the relationship you witnessed as a child between your parents has any impact on your romantic situation today? If your father wasn't in the home, do you think that has had an impact on how you relate to men?

Think about it.

How did your father treat your mother? Did you have a positive example of Black Love in your home? Do you want someone like your father? Was your image of men shaped by your relationship with your father?

A male friend told me that his mother and father were always loving toward one another and his father taught him to always respect his mother. He said more than anything he wanted the kind of relationship his parents had. He got married right after college and today he and his wife have five children. He adores his wife like his father adored his mother.

So I ask: Is your expectation of a relationship based on what you learned or witnessed growing up? (How can you do any better when you don't know any better? How can you emulate what you don't see?)

Do you believe your single situation today has anything to do with how you learned to relate to men growing up? Did you have a male figure in your life to show you how you are suppose to be treated?

Man. I got a lot of questions - LOL !

Let me know your thoughts.

Loving Him (Part 1)

This afternoon I was reading the Huffington PostDC and came across an article titled, "How to Make a Man Fall in Love with You." Well you know I had to check it out.

In the piece, author Dr. Ali Binazir lists 3 ways to make a man fall in love with you. I was most interested in the last reason which was: Bring out the Best in Him.

According to Binazir: "A man will steadily fall more and more in love with a woman who steadily helps him become more and more the man he has always wanted to be. Not only can you help nurture the vision that he has of his own greatness, but you can go one step beyond and encourage him to be even bigger than he has ever imagined himself... He will feel taller, stronger, more capable, more masculine. And chances are that he's not getting anything like that anywhere else. Which means that he's more likely to stay with you for the long run."

This was interesting to me because we always talk about what a man is suppose to do in a relationship. He's suppose to be the provider and the protector. He's suppose to court us. He's suppose to take us out... and pay always (LOL) .

But I ask: What is your role in this relationship? Other than allowing him to call you and take you out on dates, what are you bringing to this (and don't say sex)? Are you encouraging? Are you supportive of his dreams? How are you helping him reach his goals? Are you a Help Mate? This is suppose to be a partnership, but is he doing all the work? Or do you believe your companionship should be good enough?

Think about it. Is a relationship suppose to be only what a man can do for you?

My former co-worker's wife BELIEVES in her husband and will tell anybody within earshot how great he is. She supports his goals and is his biggest cheerleader, doing everything SHE can to help him achieve his dream. No one and I mean no one, is better than HER man - lol! They've been married 25 years (and counting).

So, this week I've decided to do a series on this topic because I've come across several articles that talk about what attracts men.

In the meantime, let me know your thoughts on Dr. Binazir's theory. What do you think of the concept of being encouraging, supportive, nurturing? And if you're not, does that mean you're selfish?

holla at me.

Wedding Plans

I was watching an episode of Basketball Wives LA (my new guilty pleasure) and one of the cast members said she was engaged for 9 years. She and her fiance ultimately broke up.

So, just a simple question today:
Would you be in engaged for 9 years? Why or Why not?

Once you get the ring, how long does it take to walk down the aisle?

I understand that there could be unforeseen circumstances — a family death, financial problems, conflict with setting a date because of other obligations, I mean anything...maybe the beautiful venue where you really, really wanted to hold your ceremony is so booked that it isn't available until 9 years from now and that's the ONLY place you want to get married. It's your dream spot - lol...

For example, I have a friend who was suppose to get married in August, but she postponed her wedding until next year because her aunt is suffering from cancer and could die any day now.

But she had already planned the wedding (got her gown, flowers, reception hall, etc.). She's waiting a year - not 9.

I don't know. It seems like an engagement goes beyond just having a ring. It's something about planning a wedding that makes it more concrete - hey, we're actually doing this, we're gonna be husband and wife.

But even PLANS change...(Cookie had planned a wedding twice before she and Magic actually tied the knot.)

Anyway, I'm going on and on now. So let me know your thoughts.