So, I'm driving to work one day and hear a conversation on the gospel station 104.1, about a recent article written by Deborrah Cooper. According to the radio announcer, Ms. Cooper believes the Black church is the reason Black women are single. Really? Hmmm.
So of course, when I get to work I have to find this article for myself. Indeed, Ms. Cooper did write a piece expressing her views on how the Black church keeps Black women single. Her thoughts are, shall I say, interesting?
Here is an excerpt of the first paragraph:
"Black women have an inordinate amount of faith in both Black men and Black churches. My position is that such blind and unwavering faith in either is misplaced. It is my belief that the Black church, structured around traditional gender roles which makes women submissive to and inferior to men, greatly limits females. Single Black women sitting in church every Sunday are being subtly brainwashed, soothed and placated into waiting without demand for what they want to magically come to them. Who is doing this to Black women? The male standing at the front of the Church in the role of spiritual leader, that’s who!
"Black women should abandon Black churches and focus more on themselves, their needs and those of their children than those of Black men or a religion which Black men use to castigate and control an entire race of women."
whoa.
The entire article is about 4 pages long. Cooper quotes statistics from a Pew Study and says that there are 4 types of men in a Black church: a loser in a 12-step program, gay men, players and reformed players.
According to her website, Cooper is a dating columnist for AskHeartBeat.com and the Examiner.com. She also hosts a relationship talk show on blogradio called, "Date Smarter Not Harder" and wrote a modern guide to dating called, "Sucka Free Love: How to Avoid Dating the Dumb, the Deceitful, the Dastardly, the Dysfunctional and the Deranged."
Okay.
In her article, Cooper asks: "Why do Black women run to church in droves and willingly put themselves in the position to be dictated to, harshly judged and instructed like a child on how to live their lives by some man that is not their father and to whom they are not married?"
She goes on to suggest that: "Black women are socialized to be submissive to men, and are thoroughly trained to do so with Biblical scriptures."
Cooper concludes that: "If a woman is looking for a husband, odds are poor that she will find such a man in a Black church."
Interesting.
I encourage you to read the entire piece and check out the comments too. They are quite, shall I say, thought-provoking? I will write about the last part of the article tomorrow, which I think has a few nuggets of truth.
But I have to say, I don't go to church to find a man or to find a husband. I attend church to worship, learn, hear an inspiring word and pray. However, it's interesting that the few women I know who've gotten married within the past 5 years have all been members of my church — but none of them met their husband there.
What are your thoughts on Ms. Cooper's beliefs?
Do you believe the Black church keeps Black women single?
(photo by curlie_fryz).
3 comments:
well now. i think that's a bit harsh. i'm not sure i know any women who go to church SIMPLY to find a husband. i'd be outta luck at my church. 95% of the males are married. the rest of them are kids.
Ok, I have never heard someone utter the words "abandon the black church." I take great offense to that. She mentioned that we should abandon the church and focus on ourselves...huh? Part of the reason I go to church is to focus on myself and my spiritual growth. It is one of the most selfish things that I do only to benefit me and my spiritual life. I definitely don't go to church to find a man!! Of course, most spiritual women would like to find a spiritual man, but we don't go to church to find them. I mean, I attend singles' ministry, but that is just one of the many ways that I try get out to meet other like-minded singles. To put it simply, the writer must not know Jesus.
;-)
This is interesting to know that this is the views of Ms. Cooper. As a gay black man who is attends church, I feel that she has missed the mark of understanding the purpose of church. For one, if her mind was on the right thing, which is her relationship with God, she wouldn't have men issues on her mind, for God tells us to seek ye first the kingdom of God and all of our needs will be added to us. Yes, we all that want a mate to be walk with us in our journey of life,and yes we would like that person to be spirit filled. But to understand the influcence of God would have to seen in the spirit and not with a carnal mind. I don't look for anyone at the church, but I do embrace the presence of brothers and sisters who have come out to share in a worship and praise experience motivated by the power of the Holy Spirit, and daily with this presecne of God in my life, it helps me to rely on the power of God to keep me despite what I may want to think or what someone else may tell me, including a colunist who has clearly show us in her opinion that she is yet to understand God in or outside the walls of a building called the church, or the one who stands before me in church in leadership because we have have the give by God responsiblity throught his word to study to show thyself approved, becuase, if you don't study, how can you rightly divide the word of truthn nor can you work on your own issues of inprefections. ... Ms. Cooper, the church is suppose to be in you , the word of God teaches us that we, our souls, are suppose to be the dwelling place for the Lord. Read up on that and then come back on this issue after you find out what is your purpose from God towards helping men and women understand relationships that are of God and not of our own understanding, but yet remember, knowledge is power and we are all a work in progress.
Be Blessed,
A black gay man who is still on the potter's wheel of being what I strive to be to please God, daily.
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