The Good Wife

Last year, I did a project about CHEATERS for my online magazine class. It was a story about powerful men who cheat accompanied by a photo slideshow featuring various notorious cheaters including Tiger Woods, Bill Clinton, Kwame Kilpatrick, John Edwards, Jesse Jackson, Elliot Spitzer and a host of others. Check out the story and slideshow here.

But with all the news of infidelity lately, it seems I may need to update that project.

Where do I start?
The most recent apologist is Anthony Weiner, 46, the combative Democratic congressman from New York. After lying for 10 days, he admitted in a tearful press conference that he had sent lewd photos to several women on Facebook and Twitter. He is married to Hilary Clinton's popular aide, the beautiful Huma Abedin. They were married a mere 11 months ago in a ceremony officiated by former president Bill Clinton. News reports have noted that Abedin, 35, is pregnant with the couple's first child.

The Weiner news came along just as the public grew tired of talking about Arnold Schwarzenegger. The former California governor admitted having a years-long affair with his housekeeper, Mildred Baena. In fact Ms. Baena, who was also married, gave birth to Arnold's son just a few days after his wife, journalist Maria Shriver gave birth to the couple's fourth child.

And just a few weeks ago, Bishop Eddie Long settled out of court with his accusers. As you may recall, last fall four young men accused the bishop of sexual coercion. They claimed that the mega-church pastor took them on trips and gave them a number of luxury items including cars, clothes and jewelry. The settlement is rumored to be in the millions.

But my mind isn't on the men right now. It's on the wives. Most of these men are married to beautiful, smart, ambitious women — Hilary Clinton, (the late) Elizabeth Edwards, Silda Spitzer, Maria Shriver and now Huma Abiden all have resumes that would equal their husbands.

Until recently, we've seen these great women stand stoically beside their husbands - the only support in a man's fall from grace.

So what gives? Why would these men risk everything — their career, their family, their reputation — for a few nights of pleasure?

"Smart women are boring," a male friend told me.

What? I said.

"I mean, those women they are cheating with have degrees in stuff yall don't," he said laughing.

What do you mean? I asked.

"They will do stuff smart women aren't willing to do," he explained.

So is that the deal?
These men marry the "good" girl - the well-educated, ambitious, career-driven mother of their children — and keep a few on the side to satisfy their sexual fantasies?

What yall think?

That's It - I'm Moving

A few minutes ago, a friend sent me this Bloomberg article:
'Intellectual Meat Market’ Makes Washington Long Odds for Single Women.

The story looks at the latest Census Data noting that, "Washington has the highest ratio of women to men compared with all 50 states -- 112 females for every 100 males." It also found that "among residents between ages 20 and 39… women outnumber men by 13,716, up from about 6,000 a decade ago."

The odds get worse as you get older. One guy noted in the article that he flirted everywhere, "Dating, in general, is pretty much ours to lose," he said. (LOL !!!)

Anyway, a 30-something African American woman in the piece revealed that she dated throughout her 12 years in D.C., but usually "didn’t fit the power-couple image sought by many of her dates." I can relate.

She moved to New York three years ago. She's now engaged.

I know several folks who found love once they left this area. I've been talking about moving for a long time, but I would always use the bad real estate market as an excuse. It's time to stop talking.

But where would I go?

Thoughts?

Venting

I'm tired of defending the type of man I want.

I've dated all kinds of guys - from the unemployed to the successful entrepreneur; the college-educated and the barely-finished high school; guys with kids and the busy bachelor; homeowners and the 'can't pay my rent.' Liars, hustlers, the nice guy, the church man, the mama's boy and the vegan.

I've been out here long enough. I know what I want. My entire 30s have been spent dating in D.C. I'm sick of it.

I'm ready to settle down in a committed, monogamous relationship with a marriage-minded mate.

jeez...

L-O-V-E

L is for the way you look at me
O is for the only one I see
V is very, very, extraordinary
E is even more than anyone that you adore can


When was the last time someone told you they loved you?
I'm not talking about your family or friends.

I'm talking about a romantic partner, someone you were
seriously dating, someone you were intimate with for a
length of time.

So think about it, when was the last time someone told you they loved you?

Now think about this: How did it feel?

I remember the last time. He got on his knees and said, "Lottie I love you." I recognized that it must have taken a lot for him to do that, but I didn't feel he was sincere. In fact the relationship ended shortly after he confessed his "love."

I also remember hearing those words from someone I knew really meant them. And I tell you, it was the absolute best feeling.

I believe that everyone wants to be loved - unconditionally (in fact I think love is a human need). I believe everyone wants to know that they matter to someone. I believe each of us wants someone in our lives who cares about us deeply.

What do you think?
(see this is what I get for watching The Notebook last night...)

Life or Death

I know you guys think I'm just man-hungry — Poor Lottie, desperate for a man. But being in a committed, monogamous relationship, having a caring and loving partner is more than just wanting to have a companion or someone to share my life with. It's also about what we all need in this life: SEX !

Huh? What? Yep, I said it.

According to Dr. Mehmet Oz, "studies have shown that having sex once or twice a week increases immune function, reduces stress, improves mood, lowers blood pressure, and burns calories." In fact, in the January issue of O Magazine the doc included SEX as one of the 8 New Year's Resolutions to Make this Year.

Wow. I would like to lose a few pounds. I am pretty stressed-out these days. And I don't want to get sick. His recommendation sounds better than counting calories, meditating or popping pills.

Dr. Oz repeated the importance of a healthy sex life on a recent episode of The Wendy Williams Show. He said that if you have sex at least twice a week you will live three years longer. And during a taping of Oprah's All Stars earlier this year, Dr.Oz said having sex 3 times a week would be even better. He noted that if you have more than 200 orgasms a year, you can reduce your physiologic age by six years.

I mean, I want to live longer, don't you?

So for me it's more than just wanting a mate. This is a serious matter — a life or death situation.

Thoughts?

Twilight Zone

I decided to ride the train this morning; you know, to try to save a lil money on gas. Plus it was a gorgeous day, a good opportunity to get some exercise in.

I sat on a platform bench, opened my book and waited for the train. A man with a bike approached me:
"Excuse me, can I talk to you for a minute."

I looked up. The man had on sneakers, dirty jeans with blue gloves in his back pocket and a stained white shirt. He had a long beard, with two small black rubber bands holding it together. Oh, and he had a white t-shirt over his head. I assumed the shirt was covering locs. In fact, the shirt on his head was cleaner than the shirt on his body. Dark shades covered his eyes.

"wassup," I asked.

"Well, I think you're a very nice-looking person and I just wanted to know if I could take you out some time."

Was he serious?

"I have a boyfriend," I said.

"Well, you know, everything don't last forever. Nothing's 110%."

geez...

"So, what's your name?"

"You on your way to work?" I asked.

Yeah, he said.

"What do you do?"

"I do a bunch of this and that, you know," he said. "I do some home maintenance. I do car detailing, that's where I'm going now."

Oh, okay.

"Have you ever heard of steel pan drums?"

Huh?

"You know, the steel drums?"

yeah.

"Well, I have a band, a steel pan drum band and we play at the Caribbean Festival every year on Georgia Ave. You been?"

Yeah, I've been. Years ago.

"Well, my band is always out there. We practice a lot - on Wednesday nights, sometimes on weekends."

You live around here? I asked him.

"Right now, I'm staying with my sister," he said. "But I plan to move one day."

How old are you?

"31. Anything wrong with that?" he said, taking off his shades.

No.

"I been talkin' to you all this time and you never told me your name."

"What's your name?" I asked.

"My friends call me Pete."

"Is that your name?"

"My birth name is Ali, but people call me Pete."

I heard the train and got up.

Pete handed me a card of a smiling man with long locs: "If you ever need someone to talk to you can give me a call."

I got on the train, but got off several stops away to transfer downtown. I was standing on the platform when I was approached again by a guy with dirty jeans and a white t-shirt. (Is this a new style I hadn't heard about?)

"Hey beautiful."

I mumbled a hello. He tried to engage me in conversation, but I hurried away. Not again.


What was this? Am I in the Twilight Zone?
Why am I attracting these guys? Why do they think I would be interested in them? I mean I don't think I'm dressed provocatively (I have on black slacks, a blouse and some white sneakers).

But most importantly why am I not attracting the type of guy I want?


Thoughts?

Observation

Monday I was on the metro escalator and there was a man in front of me putting on his belt. His pants was so low I could see his underwear.

Now, notice I said, "man." This was not a little boy. This was not a teenager. This was a grown man, an adult.

I'm thinking: "You know you too old to be wearing your pants sagging so low." And then people wonder why they can't get a job? Who's gonna hire this guy? Seriously.

Anyway, at age what do you think young men should stop wearing sagging pants - 18? 21? 25?