Wednesday, August 25, 2010

Marriage and Mistresses - Part II



In yesterday's post, I asked: Do you believe mistresses break up marriages?

Today I ask: Who's to blame for a husband's cheating?

My co-worker and I always get into it about cheating.
I tell him that married men cheat because they are selfish and greedy. They're not satisfied with a good woman, but always think the grass is greener on the other side. Many cheat because they think they won't get caught.

My co-worker, who happens to be a 50-something single Black male, counters by saying,"Lottie, it takes two to tango. Who are the men cheating with? Obviously, there are women out there who are willing to be with these men, knowing their marital status."

I can't argue with that. There wouldn't be cheating if there weren't willing participants. There are some who get involved with men who they know are married.

So I ask, if a married man steps to a single woman, is it the single woman's responsibility to respect his marriage vows - even if he doesn't?

Okay, again: Who's to blame for a husband's cheating?

I asked another male friend, a guy in his late '30s, why married men cheat. Why do they get married if they're not going to be faithful? I asked.

He said married men cheat because something's missing in the marriage. The wife isn't satisfying him. If a man was happy at home, then he wouldn't feel the need to step outside his marriage, he noted.

WHAT ?!

I refuse to believe that a man cheats because something the wife is not doing. I think it's placing the blame on the wrong person. Again, I think cheating is about selfishness and greed. If a man can cheat without getting caught, he will. It has nothing to do with the woman, his wife - who may be a perfectly good, committed mate and mother. I don't think it's fair to blame a woman for a man's weaknesses.

I do understand, however, that each situation is different: every marriage, every relationship has its own set of complications and there are no specific reasons why particular men cheat.


So, what do you think?
Is it fair to blame wives for their husband's infidelity?
Do you think some men cheat because they are not being "satisfied" at home?
What role do mistresses play in affairs? Would married men cheat if there weren't willing participants?

Let me know your thoughts.

photo by kool_skatkat.

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

i think you're taking to simplistic a view. some men (and women; men don't hold the patent on cheating) might cheat because they are simply bad people with n respect for the vows they took, but cheating is often a symptom of something bigger wrong in a marriage.

i also think it's unfair to make the blanket statement that men cheat because they can, assuming the majority of men cheat. or that all their wives are good women.

the answer to who is to blame will be as varied as the number of marriages that suffer infidelity.

SingLikeSassy said...

I think cheating is fault of the person who is cheating. I think it *is* as simple as honoring a commitment. If you no longer can commit to the marriage get divorced then you can date/screw around all you like. Cheating because "something is missing at home" is a cop-out. You work on that problem or you leave. If you can't leave(?? don't get this but some folks use it as an excuse) then you make peace with the situation you don't cheat.