Worst Date Ever

Okay, I thought I was being "open-minded", "broadening my horizons" when
I went out on a date with a fella I met at Ozios two weeks ago.

Bad idea.

I should have known when I met him that he wasn't my type, but hey,
I didn't want to be close-minded. Sometimes God shows you things in
packages you don't expect - right?

So the date:
First, he showed up an hour late. We went to TGIFridays, obviously
a big hang out spot for him and his friends. He left our table several
times (for long lengths of time), to go talk to his friends. He never introduced me when his friends came to our table. Then He got upset that some of his friends couldn't join us at the table (aren't we on a date?) and then he got upset with me because I didn't want a drink. (I declined to get an alcoholic beverage because I had school the next day and needed to be alert).

Anyway, we walked out the restaurant and he saw several women he went
to high school with and commented to me that all of them were "b$tches, I can't stand them. They think they're all that, and on and on and on." oh, my.

I explained to him how I couldn't stay out too late because I had school the next
day. (as many of you know I have class every Saturday from 9am-5 pm). He got
upset, "What are you, a little girl? You got a curfew?"

I definitely knew by the end of the evening that I was not interested in this person and would not go out with him again. But when we got in the car, he asked if he
could come over and give me a foot massage. Huh? Was he serious? "uh, no."
I just knew that would be the last of him. He couldn't have possibly thought this was a good date.

I was wrong.

He has been texting me nearly every day:
"When can I c u?"
"I need a pic of you to go to sleep"
"I'm here babe"
"U don't miss me?"
"Can I come c u later"
"it's going to be beautiful Wed. take off so we can go to 6flags"
"call me when you get out of class please"
"r u getting ready 4 school" (this was at 6:30 in the morning)
"r u ignoring me?"

When he called me last Saturday at 12:45 am (actually Sunday morning), I became afraid and called a couple of my friends. What should I do? One suggested I contact the police. But we learned from an acquaintance that he was out of town. I felt relieved. But I am going to have to eventually address the situation and let him know that I am not interested.

I thought I was being open-minded. But this is what I got when I didn't stick to my standards. What's so wrong with wanting a college-educated professional man who's never been married and doesn't have any kids?
This guy was rude, disrespectful and I really don't think he knows that. This is his normal.

I understand that by being so rigid, I could be missing out on perfectly good guys — good men who are caring and kind (and it shouldn't matter if they didn't go to college or are divorced or have a kid or two - right?).

Some think that I have "unrealistic" expectations.
I'm still open to dating guys who don't fit into a certain criteria.
In fact, I met an electrician in the Safeway this morning....


Tell me. What are your thoughts?

I Met a Guy

Yes. I met a guy tonite.

I was at the berry stand at Harris Teeter, looking at the fresh
blueberries, raspberries and strawberries, when a man walked up and asked if the blueberries were really that cheap (they were on sale - 4 pints for $6.00).

I wanted to make a smoothie and we talked about fresh fruit versus frozen.
He noticed the items in my grocery basket and commented on how healthy I was — I had some yogurt, almonds, frozen berries, flaxseed oil, skim milk.

"You workout?" he asked.

Yeah.

We talked about the grocery stores in the area - how there weren't any
good ones.

He held out his hand.

"I'm Ron," he said, with a strong handshake. "I like your hair."

"Thank you," I replied with a big smile. "Nice to meet you."

"What's your name?" he asked.

"Simone."

Okay, if he wasn't 65 I would have given him my real name - and maybe even my number.

Nice guy. wrong age.

Oh, God - you're heading in the right direction. Now can you just please give me someone 30 years younger !!!

RIP Michael Jackson: The Greatest of All Time

I needed to write about Michael. His music. His life. His pain. This man's music made such an impact on the world. He was a global phenomenon whose voice touched more than four generations.

He began singing with his brothers at age five. 5.
He was 10 when they signed with Motown records. 10.
He was 11 in 1969 when the Jackson 5 had their first hit.
Forty years later, in 2009, at age 50, Michael Jackson is dead.

As a child, Michael's voice was so pure and soulful. You felt his words.
Has anyone heard Who's Loving You? lately?

My aunt Debra had Michael Jackson's Off the Wall album. On her wall hung a huge poster: Michael with his wide, dazzling smile and big afro, looking quite the handsome fellow.

In The Wiz, he was a perfect scarecrow to Diana Ross's Dorothy as they tried to "easy on down" the yellow brick road.

But it was Thriller that really touched my life. The album came out in 1982, the year my mother died.
It was a sad time. But even in the midst of sorrow, music can lift the spirit, if even for a brief period.
My family would take me, my sister and our friends to the skating rink in Jackson, Miss., and we would skate and dance to Michael Jackson: PYT (Pretty Young Thing). You Wanna Be Startin' Something. Billie Jean. Beat It. And they would show a video of Thriller on a big screen inside the rink. We sat on the floor, mesmerized.

In college, I watched the Remember the Time video with my suite mates (Suite 103) in the honors dorm. We gathered in someone's room, crowded around a small 13 inch, marveling at the intricate dance moves. But my favorite Michael video was Smooth Criminal - the "smooth" lean forward still amazes me.

I think Michael's albums after Thriller were all underrated. When I heard Keep It in the Closet recently, I was like, "wow, this is the jam." (Anyone remember the video with temper-tantrum-throwing Naomi Campbell.)

Two years ago, I was home for Christmas. My stepsister's 15-year-old daughter only wanted one gift that year: Michael Jackson's concert DVD. I think he was in Germany.

"Michael Jackson?" I asked. "Michael Jackson," she said emphatically.
I wondered why a 15-year-old, whose world was ruled by Lil Wayne and Beyonce, was interested in Michael Jackson. However, that Christmas evening, the whole family sat in the den and watched Michael Jackson's concert. It was simply a joy. We sung his songs. Danced. Laughed. And had dessert in between. From the oldest to the youngest, we were all quite taken with Michael.

Last year, I went on an outing with my friend Hilary and her 4-year-old son, Daniel. Hilary mentioned how Daniel loved Michael Jackson. I gave her a puzzled look. "What?" And at the sound of his name, Daniel kept saying, "Michael Jackson. Michael Jackson. Michael Jackson."
His father had introduced the young lad to Michael's music and little Daniel was an instant fan.
I was like, "Wow, a 4-year-old loves Michael Jackson?" I just couldn't believe it.

If Michael only knew that his music, admired by those of my generation and before me, touched 15-year-olds and 4-year-olds today. He was still making an impact.

Millions love and loved Michael. Yet, he seemed so lonely, isolated on that Neverland Ranch.
It was a double-edged sword.
It was because millions loved him that he couldn't lead a "normal" life.
And he "longed" to be normal.

At his memorial service, watched by millions worldwide, his brother Marlon told of how Michael once dressed in a costume to go into a store (but Marlon recognized him anyway). Michael just wanted to be able to go into a store like everybody else and not be hounded.

But "he couldn't walk across the street without a crowd gathering," Marlon noted.

In a recent interview, Deepak Chopra's son remembered how Michael went to a Halloween Party wearing a mask. He kept the mask on the entire time. As he danced, people stopped. "Who is that?" they wondered. It was one of the few times he was able to dance freely.

I can't imagine the life Michael Jackson lived. During the star-studded memorial service that featured Mariah Carey, Jennifer Hudson, Usher and Stevie Wonder, Marlon mentioned how Michael was often "judged" and "ridiculed."

"How much pain can one take?" Marlon asked. "We would never understand what he endured."

Sure, some people thought him weird, a freak, a wacko, a pedophile. For years on end, there will be debates on his abusive childhood at the hands of his controlling father, his plastic surgery, child molestation charges, wives, the prescription drugs and debt.

Michael was a flawed man. But his talent was undeniable.
It seems, from a very early age, Michael knew he had a special gift and wanted to share that gift with the rest of the world. Yet, he still wanted to be thought of as "a person, not a personality."

His whole life was music. Michael lived to be 50 years old - 45 of those 50 years he was a star. He gave of himself, until he could give no more.
In fact, he died still trying to give what he could - his music. That's all he knew.

Others will come along who can sing and dance. But as talk show host Larry King said, "There will never be another Michael Jackson."
Indeed.
There was something otherworldly about Michael that just can't be duplicated.

During Michael's memorial service, Motown founder Berry Gordy said that Michael had accomplished everything he had dreamed of and that he was "simply the Greatest Entertainer that Ever Lived."

And he still lives, as singer-songwriter Smokey Robinson noted during the memorial service. Robinson, who read statements from Nelson Mandela and Diana Ross, wrote the Jackson Five's Who's Loving You?

"He is going to live forever and ever and ever," said Robinson.

Indeed.

For though Michael is physically gone, his music
remains - and is more popular than ever.
(Did anyone see Britain's Got Talent? Little Shaheen Jafargholi sounds remarkably similar to Little Michael)

In his last days, Michael was getting ready for his, "This Is It" show. It was suppose to be his last concert. His final farewell.
Maybe Michael left us because he knew he had nothing else to prove.
From California to Maine, London to Brazil, Africa and Asia, his music united a world — even dancing Filipino prisoners.
It was only in death that we realized his global impact.

I say goal accomplished, task finished.
Job well done Michael. Take a bow.
You can go home now.

A Year of Freedom

Yesterday, I met a gentleman from St. Thomas, Virgin Islands.
He told me he was on his way to Hawaii.
"For how long?" I asked.

"I don't know. I'll just stay there until I feel like coming back," he said.
"I'll see if I can find work or what not."

I loved his free spirit attitude about life.

I would love to just go to an island and stay until I felt like coming
back, I told him.

"Why don't you?," he asked.

I went into a long drawn out monologue about how I had bills and needed my
job, blah, blah, blah, blah.... I couldn't just pick up and leave. I have
responsibilities.

Sometimes I wish I wasn't such a responsible, dependable person. I admire those who do what they want, when they want.

I once dated a guy who lost his job at a computer company during the dotcom bust. He took his payout and boarded a cruise to Barbados.
He didn't come back until a year later - a year later.

I can't just pick up and leave.
Or can I?

Right now, I go to work, school, teach jazzercise, and try to volunteer whenever
possible.
What exactly is stopping me?
Is my job really stopping me?

Well, first of all, you have to have the financial means to just get up and
go. I'm not a millionaire - far from it in fact.
I work so I can pay my bills.

But what if money was not an option?
Where would I go? What would I do?

I would love to go to a luxury spa for about a month where there is hiking, horseback riding, yoga, healthy meals and great pampering services.
Of course, I would take a few weeks to visit cities in France and Italy.
I would like to go to South Africa, Ghana and Egypt.
Next stop? One of the Caribbean Islands, where I could just write and relax.
I may even audition for a Broadway play when I get back. I could definitely
see myself on Broadway.

That's a good year off.

What do you think?

If money was no object and you could just pick up and go anywhere —
for a month, a few months or even a year — where would you go? What would you do?

Liar !

A couple of months ago, I found out that a guy I recently dated had been married before.

He confessed that he had been married for 5 years about a decade or so ago and it didn't work out.

He said that I had never asked him if he had been married.

LIAR !

First of all, my Dream Mate has the following qualities:
1) college-educated
2) professional job (financially stable)
3) never married
4) no kids
5) (must be honest, spiritual, trustworthy, caring, kind, etc.)

Please note the words "Dream Mate."

Anyway, some of the first questions I ask a guy are:
1) Are you married?
2) Do you have any children?
3) HAVE YOU EVER BEEN MARRIED ? (are you divorced?)

So don't sit up here like I'm stupid and tell me that I never asked you if you had ever been married. I did ask you and you lied. LIAR !! You are insulting my intelligence !

I'm reminded of a song in the movie, Waiting to Exhale called, "It Hurts Like Hell." For though this is not an instance in which a person has been caught cheating, I still feel betrayed.

I don't know.
Why can't I just meet a good, honest person? Why?

Do we have to do background checks on men we meet these days?
I mean, what if you find out a person is not the person you thought they were?
Lots of time wasted and love lost.

What are your thoughts?

What Men Can Learn from Barack

For the past two weeks, I've received the same email: an essay by Jeneé Desmond-Harris titled "What Single Women Can Learn from Michelle." In her piece Harris discusses how many intelligent, professional, successful Black women dismiss perfectly good guys for superficial reasons. This is not something we haven't heard before. In fact, Harris notes, "The idea that things are hard for Black women who want to date Black men who match us in academic and career success is a well-worn cultural narrative." But her point is the reason Michelle Obama is now the First Lady of the United States is because she overlooked the small stuff - the odd name, the goofiness, the oversized ears. Instead, she focused on things far more important: Barack's goodness, his warm smile. (The fact that Barack was a Harvard Law grad probably didn't hurt either). Michelle saw the big picture. Now she's married to the most powerful man in the world.

Harris' essay was so popular that there was a followup essay written by a man. In his essay, "What Single Women Can't Learn from Michelle," David Swerdlick gives us a list of things to consider before the next man passes us by. He suggests that Black women stop comparing men they meet to Barack, stop looking at how much money someone makes, stop dismissing men for not being perfect or ideal and try dating outside the race.

But I have to disagree when Swerdlick says, "we're [Black men] not letting a winner slip past us just because her ponytail is tucked up under a ball cap."

I cannot tell you how many beautiful, intelligent, professional, successful, philanthropic Black women I know who are definitely "winners" yet, they somehow "slip past" successful Black men because they were not of a certain hue or a certain size. (and should I even mention hair?)

This is what Black men can learn from Barack: Stop looking for Halle Berry and start looking at the good - someone who will be by your side, have your back through it all. Smart, confident, ambitious, Michelle was a great catch. She was the prize, a winner and Obama knew it.
But Obama is a rare man, a special kind of guy. As many of us know from experience, there are some Black men, who, once they become successful, no longer think Black women are good enough for them, let alone a woman with beautiful brown skin.

The fact is many Black women are single, not because we are superficial, but because men are. For example, I remember one of my male colleagues telling me he didn't think Oprah was all that because her nails looked jacked up. What? You're dismissing the most influential woman in the world because of...her nails? Another male colleague, a 40-something entrepreneur, often laments how he can't find the right woman. I suggested one of my good friends, a definite "winner." He said she wasn't his type. What's your type I asked? He pulled out a picture of his ex-girlfriend who looked like the late R&B singer Aaliya. Then there's my former co-worker, now in his mid-50s, never married, who refuses to date women whose dress size is more than one digit. Speaking of dresses, a man I once dated didn't like the clothes I wore. He thought I dressed too conservative, old. He wanted me to show a little skin. He missed out on a "winner."

Even Harris admits in her essay, that men can be superficial, "We expect men to resist what society tells them about ideals when it comes to us — God, help the brother who admits a preference for skin or hair displayed on every magazine cover; or the arrogant fool who holds out for his own Clair Huxtable, not acknowledging that The Cosby Show was fiction."

Let's face it. Men seem to have an upper hand in this. They have choices we don't. A young man once told me at a party, "I'm a Black man with a college degree, no kids and a good job. I can be choosy." I couldn't argue with him. He was right.

But as Harris accurately writes in her essay, Black women "who do seek to have relationships with black men of similar circumstances might need to open up a little... we must start to question our assumptions about what our ideal really is."

My ideal? At this point, I just want someone to hold my hand; a hug would be nice too.

What about you?
What are your thoughts on this issue?

Nine Commandments of Joel

Okay the Joel I'm speaking of is not a prophet or some obscure disciple in the Bible, though he may think his commandments are biblically based.
The Joel I'm referring to is a 41-year-old Black man I saw on "Divorce Court" today.

Joel's 27-year-old wife wanted to divorce him after just three months of marriage. 3 months.
Why?
She couldn't handle his "rules."

Here are the Nine Commandments of Joel:
1) What I say goes
2) Must have sex when I want it
3) The woman must take care of the kids
4) The woman must keep a clean house
5) The woman must have a job
6) When I go out, the woman must stay home
7) No Back Talking !
8) No riding in my car
9) Any questions? Refer to Rule #1

Joel's commandments were posted on the refrigerator. You know, just in case his wife forgot what they were. He told the judge that he learned how to treat women by observing his grandfather. His grandmother, he said, did whatever his grandfather told her to do. She knew her "place."

The women today, Joel said, needed to go back to the "old ways." He said that every woman needs rules. He told the judge that he's "training" his daughter, teaching her that she has to obey her husband when she gets married. He's also teaching his son that a man is suppose to "run the woman."

Did I mention that Joel doesn't work? He's on "disability" for a back problem. Yet, his disability doesn't seem to keep him out of the clubs where he parties until the wee hours of the morning.

But I digress.

Joel's young wife said he laid down his rules only a few minutes after they said their wedding vows. She didn't know what she was getting into. Marriage, said Joel, means the "Man is No.1. She belong to me." For some reason he had a hard time understanding that a wife was not property.

When the judge noted that most women today would not accept his antiquated way of thinking, he said "somebody will."

Unfortunately, that's true. Joel will find someone else.

Tell me: What do you think of "Joel's 9 Commandments?"
Do you think women need to go back to the "old ways"?
Would marriages last longer?