Oh...Love

Hey, check out the first post from my new blog, Oh...Love — about love, relationships and stuff like that.

The first post of course is a positive portrait of love that I hope to one day achieve.

I encourage you to contribute content by providing examples of love or relationships through articles, videos, photos and other visual art.

Here's to LOVE !

So You Think You Wanna Get Married

Think about it.

Do you REALLY want to get married or do you just want companionship, someone to spend time with and do things with on a regular basis?

Oprah Winfrey has said many times, "with marriage there are expectations."

Ironically, Oprah's father, Vernon and his current wife, Barbara, are in a bitter divorce battle. Read the article published in The Tennessean here.

Vernon says his wife is "guilty of inappropriate marital conduct."

So I looked up the term, "inappropriate marital conduct" and according to Turner Law Offices, it is "the most commonly used ground for divorce" and "means that one spouse has done something that the other spouse deems inappropriate."

The full-service law firm notes on its website that "Cases where inappropriate marital conduct has been proven include: "flipping the bird," calling the other spouse names or using profanity, not providing for the spouse, abnormal sexual requests, and, generally, being a pain in the #^$."

On the other hand, Barbara, Vernon's wife, has accused her husband of trying to kill her.

Geez...this after 12 years of marriage.

So let me hear from you:
Do you really want to get married or do you just want a constant companion because you're lonely?

And folks who are married or were married: Why did you get married? Was it what you expected?

holla at me...

A New Age

In five days, I will no longer be 30-something.
(oh, my)

I'll be moving into a new decade, a new era in my life.
So I need to come up with a new title for my blog.

I would like the title to represent where I am in my life
right now. It should be short, catchy, smart and positive.
I have a good title in mind, but I would like your opinion.
What do you think the blog should be called?

Or do you think the title should be changed at all?

Any thoughts? Suggestions?

holla at me...

Not a Chance

I told you in my last blog post that I met a young man that I'll call "Chance" at Match.com's stir event and we made plans to go out.

We met Friday evening at a lounge along D.C.'s popular U. Street corridor. Chance sent me a text about 30 minutes before we were to meet to ask if we could push the time back. He was stuck in traffic and didn't want to be late. He got cool points for that.

When I got to the lounge he was already there. He greeted me with a compliment, "You look great." More cool points.

We found a seat and ordered some drinks. I got a cosmopolitan.
We talked - about our day, our jobs, our hobbies. We both like museums, live music and dancing. He attended the University of Maryland for undergrad and was now working on a masters. I learned that his birthday is three days after mine.

The evening was going well. I was having a good time.

"I like your hair," he said.
I smiled. "Thanks."
"Are you voting for Obama or Romney?" he asked.
"What?"
"Are you voting for Obama or Romney?" he asked again.
"I'm not telling you who I'm voting for. But I have to tell you, you look like a Romney guy."
He was offended.
"What? Why do you say that? I'm Obama all the way!" he exclaimed.
I laughed and we started talking about the debates. I know you're not suppose to talk about politics on the first date but that's where the conversation sort of flowed.

"So do you want a family?" he asked.
That question again.
"I do want to get married one day," I said.
He was more specific: "Do you want kids?"
Sh$t.
"I don't know," I said (which is true).

See, Chance was engaged about a decade ago, in his 20s. And last year he ended a yearlong relationship with a young lady because they were going "in different directions" he said. She was focused on her career and he really wanted a family — marriage and kids.

I got it. At 37, he was ready to settle down.
And I understand the reason for his questions, he doesn't want to get involved with someone who doesn't want a family when he does. Why waste his time again?

Well, I haven't heard from Chance since our date.
He was a nice guy. But I think I flunked his "wife" test.
He's really looking for someone who's ready to settle down and have kids.

I do want to settle down. I want to be in an exclusive, committed, monogamous relationship. I want a companion, a life partner, maybe a husband — but I'm not sure if I want kids.

Oh, well. Did I miss my chance at love?

Thoughts?
holla at me...

About Last Night (Part II)

A few days ago I wrote a blog about my experience at Match.com's Stir event here in the city. I told you about how I met a young man when I first got there and he bought a drink for another lady while engaged in conversation with me. (I still think that was disrespectful)

Well, as the night went on, I met several other guys. We had friendly, polite conversations. I ended the evening talking to an engineer who lived in Maryland. I'll call him "Chance."

"Hi, I'm Chance. What's your name?" he asked.
"Hi Chance. I'm Lottie."

One of his first questions was about my age.  I was turned off.
Don't you know it's rude to ask a lady her age? I said.
No, really. How old are you? he asked again.
I'm not telling you my age. How old are you? I asked.
Mid-30s, he said.
So, are you going to tell me your age? he asked again.
Well, I'll just say I'm not yet 40, I said.

The conversation continued.

So where are you from? he asked.
Mississippi. What about you?
All over, he said.
All over? Where were you born? I asked.
Oklahoma.
How long have you been in this area? I asked.
I lived in Baltimore for 7 years and I moved to the
D.C. area in 2005.
You like this area? I asked.
It's cool.

Then he asked: So, do you have kids?
No.
That's good, he said.
What about you? I asked.
No, I don't have any, he said. Do you want children?
I don't know. Maybe, I said.
You don't know. What does it say on your profile?
I think it says, "yes," "maybe," "not sure." What about you?
Yes. I want a family.
oh, okay.

Mississippi, huh? Southern girl.
Yep. I said.
That's good.
Really? Why? I asked.
Family values. Southern women have good family values.
Oh, I see.
I like your hair, he said.
Thank you, I said.
(The second compliment of the night on my hair. Who knew guys liked natural hair?)

But was he looking at my hair or my boobs? I couldn't tell.

So, I want to get to know you better. Can we meet this week? He asked.
(Probably my boobs)
Sure. I said.
What days are you available?
Weekends are good, I said.
Okay, what's your number?

I gave him my number.
I'm gonna call you. I really want to meet up with you this week. I'm serious.
(Wow. so, yeah, I think it was the boobs)
Okay, that'll be cool, I said.
We shook hands and said our goodbyes: "It was nice meeting you."

So Chance contacted me the next day (Wednesday). Points for him.
He didn't call. He text. SIGH (That was a disappointment. Do guys pick up the phone and talk anymore?)
We made plans for Friday.
He text me again on Thursday to confirm the time and place we were meeting at the next evening.

Well, we went out last night.
I'll tell you about our date in the next blog.

Holla at me...

Why the Attitude Dude?

I made a quick stop at Target after my Jazzercise class this evening. I was loading my items on the conveyor belt when the cashier, a handsome Black man, yelled Jazzercise!, referencing my t-shirt.

"I see you gettin' it in," he said.

I smiled. "Yep, I gotta get it in."

"You married?"  he asked.

"No," I said, "not today."

"Why not?"

I shrugged, "I just haven't met anyone."

"Oh, you must want to be free," he said, bagging my items.

I looked at him confused. What was he talking about?
I swiped my credit card to pay.

"Yeah, I know how yall are," he said. "Women today say they want to be independent but then they don't want to spend their own money."

"What?" I said, signing the credit card equipment pad.

I was taken aback.

"Yeah. I listen to Steve Harvey. Come back and see me and I'll tell you a little more about that."

I gathered my bags and left the store.

Now was all that called for?
What solicited such a response?
Is that the way Black men view Black women nowadays?
I couldn't tell if he was angry, frustrated, bitter, disappointed or just mouthing off.

What do yall think of what he said?
Holla at me...

About Last Night (Part I)

I gave up my bellydancing class last night to attend Match.com's Stir Event. It's basically an event in which the people who are on Match.com meet at a local venue for drinks and conversation. The event last night was held at a local restaurant in downtown D.C. 

I got there a little before 7:30. It was crowded. I went to the bar and was greeted by a good-looking guy (I couldn't tell if he was Black or Latino - LOL). But that didn't matter. The night was already starting off well. I ordered a drink. Dude turned to me and started talking to me. You know: how you doing, how was your day, you having a good time, your first time at one of these events, etc.

I learned that he was from Boston, lived on the West Coast for 12 years - California and Vegas - and moved to the D.C. area a year ago. He will be running the Marine Corps Marathon next week - his fifth, he said. He told me that he likes the D.C. area because it has lots of educated professional women. He got tired of dating strippers in Vegas. Oh, he's in the computer industry.

So Mr. Boston complimented me on my hair. He said he loved women with natural hair - that was a dealbreaker for him.  If a woman had a perm or weave, he said, he wouldn't date her.
Why? I asked.
Well, he said, he was all about being healthy and perms had a lot of chemicals and were harmful to your health, etc. Did you see the documentary "Good Hair" by Chris Rock? he asked. Yeah, I told him.

Mr. Boston ordered a drink and asked me if he could get me anything. I told him "no, thank you" because I was still on my first drink.

But get this: When he ordered his drink, he ordered another drink - two drinks. Now this second drink was not for him or me, but for a woman at the other end of the bar.
You read that right.
This dude was talking to me, but he ordered a drink for another woman.

I was offended. I was like "Ain't this some s$%t."

I saw him look in her direction, smile and nod about the drink he was sending her. She smiled back at him. I was done! He turned to me and said, "I was talking to her earlier."

I don't care. What nerve!

I politely held out my hand and said, "It was nice meeting you," and walked away. He said something about I'll see you later, but I barely heard him.

Don't you think that was rude? Well, I did.

What do yall think?
Holla at me...