I knew a man had to be involved.
I mean, when a woman decides to just up and leave - selling everything she owns including the clothes off her back - well, it must be love.
Or so she thinks.
Anyway, I attended a going away party last night for a friend who is moving to Ghana. She lost her job with the federal government in January, went to Ghana for a much-needed vacation and met a man.
Ahh, yes.
If there's one thing that can turn our lives around and upside down, it's a man- "a FINE man," she told me. (lol)
Well, after three months of what must have been a whirlwind romance, she's ditching D.C. and heading to Africa. She plans to live with her new love temporarily until she gets her business set up and moves into her own place.
I stared at her long and hard last night. She beamed as she greeted each guest and danced until nearly everyone had left. She looked so HAPPY- absolutely radiant! And why shouldn't she? She's living the life she wants - my kinda hero.
I know this sounds like some kind of Terry McMillan novel or even one of those tearjerker love stories. But I Love the fact that she's writing her own story.
I wish her well. I wish her luck. I wish her LOVE.
Tell me: Would you move across the world to be with a man you had only known for three months?
What are your thoughts?
Friday, April 15, 2011
Wednesday, April 13, 2011
What Up Shawty?
On Monday evening I walked into the Au Bon Pain deli in downtown D.C. to get a cool drink. I wanted to sit outside and enjoy the nice weather before getting on the metro to meet a friend.
While picking up a straw and a few napkins, a young man came up to me.
"I would love to take you out to lunch," he said.
I looked at him. He looked young - late '20s maybe. He was extremely fair, slight build, maybe 5'8, 5'9. He had on gray acid-washed jeans, a tan vest with a white t-shirt underneath and some sneakers. A cross of Jesus Christ hung from his neck.
"Why?" I asked.
"Why?" he said, looking taken aback.
"Yeah, why. Why do you want to take me out to lunch?" I said, looking him in the eye.
"Because you're a beautiful young lady," he shot back.
"How old are you?" I asked.
"38," he said.
38? He looked really young. Maybe it was the way he dressed.
"What's your name?" I asked him.
"Edward," he said, stirring his coffee.
Edward followed me to the table outside and sat beside me while I drank my cool drink.
"So, can I take you out?" he asked again.
"I don't know. Are you married?" I said smiling.
He smiled, "no."
He had yellow teeth, so I asked him if he smoked. No, he said. "I don't smoke and I only drink socially."
Hmmm, I thought. It was either bad hygiene or bad grooming.
Anyway, we talked a little bit more. I found out Edward had 2 kids by a girl he had dated for 10 years — a girl and a boy, one 13, one 14.
"Why didn't you marry her?" I asked.
"You not suppose to get married just because you have kids," he said.
"But you were with her for 10 years," I said.
"Yeah, but I met her when I was real young," he pointed out.
He works as a marketing manager for a company that sells tubs for those with medical problems. He was off today taking care of business in family court.
I stared at his gray acid-washed jeans.
"You like my jeans," he said. "They cost $300."
"You need to get your money back," I said.
He laughed.
"So, can I take you to lunch," he asked again.
"I don't know," I said, the more I learned about him the less I liked him. But I remained opened. Who knows? He could really be a nice person.
"I'm gonna call you tonite - 9 p.m.," he said as he put my number in his phone.
Well, Edward called me at 10. I was in a metro station heading home.
This was his rap:
him - "I've been thinking about you all night."
me - Really, I said.
him - "Yeah. I was thinking about why you didn't have a man. Because you know, your body official and everything, so you must have a bad attitude."
(okay yall, excuse me if I'm not up on my hip hop slang, but what the hell is "official").
me - Silence
him - "I think you a player. But I'm gonna take care of that."
me - Really? How?
him - "See, when a woman's with me, she gets addicted. I'm addictive."
me - Silence.
The phone went dead. The call must have dropped. Good thing, because I don't know how much more I could have taken of Edward's conversation.
I haven't heard from him since. Guess, we're not gonna do lunch.
Thoughts?
While picking up a straw and a few napkins, a young man came up to me.
"I would love to take you out to lunch," he said.
I looked at him. He looked young - late '20s maybe. He was extremely fair, slight build, maybe 5'8, 5'9. He had on gray acid-washed jeans, a tan vest with a white t-shirt underneath and some sneakers. A cross of Jesus Christ hung from his neck.
"Why?" I asked.
"Why?" he said, looking taken aback.
"Yeah, why. Why do you want to take me out to lunch?" I said, looking him in the eye.
"Because you're a beautiful young lady," he shot back.
"How old are you?" I asked.
"38," he said.
38? He looked really young. Maybe it was the way he dressed.
"What's your name?" I asked him.
"Edward," he said, stirring his coffee.
Edward followed me to the table outside and sat beside me while I drank my cool drink.
"So, can I take you out?" he asked again.
"I don't know. Are you married?" I said smiling.
He smiled, "no."
He had yellow teeth, so I asked him if he smoked. No, he said. "I don't smoke and I only drink socially."
Hmmm, I thought. It was either bad hygiene or bad grooming.
Anyway, we talked a little bit more. I found out Edward had 2 kids by a girl he had dated for 10 years — a girl and a boy, one 13, one 14.
"Why didn't you marry her?" I asked.
"You not suppose to get married just because you have kids," he said.
"But you were with her for 10 years," I said.
"Yeah, but I met her when I was real young," he pointed out.
He works as a marketing manager for a company that sells tubs for those with medical problems. He was off today taking care of business in family court.
I stared at his gray acid-washed jeans.
"You like my jeans," he said. "They cost $300."
"You need to get your money back," I said.
He laughed.
"So, can I take you to lunch," he asked again.
"I don't know," I said, the more I learned about him the less I liked him. But I remained opened. Who knows? He could really be a nice person.
"I'm gonna call you tonite - 9 p.m.," he said as he put my number in his phone.
Well, Edward called me at 10. I was in a metro station heading home.
This was his rap:
him - "I've been thinking about you all night."
me - Really, I said.
him - "Yeah. I was thinking about why you didn't have a man. Because you know, your body official and everything, so you must have a bad attitude."
(okay yall, excuse me if I'm not up on my hip hop slang, but what the hell is "official").
me - Silence
him - "I think you a player. But I'm gonna take care of that."
me - Really? How?
him - "See, when a woman's with me, she gets addicted. I'm addictive."
me - Silence.
The phone went dead. The call must have dropped. Good thing, because I don't know how much more I could have taken of Edward's conversation.
I haven't heard from him since. Guess, we're not gonna do lunch.
Thoughts?
Sunday, March 27, 2011
Spam
I blocked his number.
I got tired of his games: the lies, the empty promises. So I went to my Verizon wireless account and entered his number under the Spam controls section - because to me he was spam, wasting my time and filling my inbox with a bunch of junk mail.
Anyway, the spam control lasts 90 days - his will expire on 6/23/11 - that should be enough time for him to figure out that I don't want to deal with him anymore.
This was a long time coming. I consider myself a very patient and understanding person, but I became fed up with the nonsense. It was too much.
I didn't want to be a woman so desperate for a man that I would allow myself to be disrespected and mistreated. I believed I deserved better.
I am interested in dealing with an HONEST person who wants a serious, monogamous relationship.
Let's just say we didn't have the same goals.
Thoughts?
I got tired of his games: the lies, the empty promises. So I went to my Verizon wireless account and entered his number under the Spam controls section - because to me he was spam, wasting my time and filling my inbox with a bunch of junk mail.
Anyway, the spam control lasts 90 days - his will expire on 6/23/11 - that should be enough time for him to figure out that I don't want to deal with him anymore.
This was a long time coming. I consider myself a very patient and understanding person, but I became fed up with the nonsense. It was too much.
I didn't want to be a woman so desperate for a man that I would allow myself to be disrespected and mistreated. I believed I deserved better.
I am interested in dealing with an HONEST person who wants a serious, monogamous relationship.
Let's just say we didn't have the same goals.
Thoughts?
Friday, March 25, 2011
Chasing Love
If you paid any attention to the media over the past two years you'd think Black women were the only ones looking for love. I mean it seemed like every month there was an article, radio show or television special about how successful Black women couldn't find a mate. But with the popularity of shows such as The Bachelor, which never runs out of contestants (the majority of whom are successful single White women) it's obvious we're not the only ones looking for love.
Believe it or not, men too are having a hard time finding that special someone. (I must admit that with the number of successful single women available, I find it difficult to believe that a man can't find someone. I personally believe singleness is a CHOICE for men. I think there are SO MANY single women, men are overwhelmed with the sheer number and don't know who to choose, scared they may miss out on the next big thing.)
But I digress.
Today I read an article on Salon.com about a 40-year-old man in San Francisco who is offering $10,000 to anyone who introduces him to his future wife.
Chas is a copywriter who is ready to get married and have a family. He created a website — Hook Chas up — to give people a glimpse of who he was. He creatively describes himself in a beautiful photo slideshow. You find out he's an optimistic guy who enjoys reading, music, scrabble, tennis and skateboarding. Oh, he likes monkeys too.
Chas explains in Salon that he had tried online dating, but it didn't work. But this sure looks promising. So far he's received more than 700 emails in just 2 weeks from folks who want to hook him up. Not bad.
I think Chas has a clever idea. Who knows if he will find his wife? Do you remember the African American woman who set up a website to find a husband in a year? Unfortunately, her story didn't end up with a trip down the aisle.
What do you think of Chas's idea?
Anyone want to move to San Francisco?
Let me know your thoughts.
Believe it or not, men too are having a hard time finding that special someone. (I must admit that with the number of successful single women available, I find it difficult to believe that a man can't find someone. I personally believe singleness is a CHOICE for men. I think there are SO MANY single women, men are overwhelmed with the sheer number and don't know who to choose, scared they may miss out on the next big thing.)
But I digress.
Today I read an article on Salon.com about a 40-year-old man in San Francisco who is offering $10,000 to anyone who introduces him to his future wife.
Chas is a copywriter who is ready to get married and have a family. He created a website — Hook Chas up — to give people a glimpse of who he was. He creatively describes himself in a beautiful photo slideshow. You find out he's an optimistic guy who enjoys reading, music, scrabble, tennis and skateboarding. Oh, he likes monkeys too.
Chas explains in Salon that he had tried online dating, but it didn't work. But this sure looks promising. So far he's received more than 700 emails in just 2 weeks from folks who want to hook him up. Not bad.
I think Chas has a clever idea. Who knows if he will find his wife? Do you remember the African American woman who set up a website to find a husband in a year? Unfortunately, her story didn't end up with a trip down the aisle.
What do you think of Chas's idea?
Anyone want to move to San Francisco?
Let me know your thoughts.
Tuesday, March 22, 2011
Cater To You
After I told one of my guy friends about my lack of a love life he decided he would school me a little, enlighten me.
You, he said, "aren't nurturing enough."
Huh? What do you mean? (What you talkin' bout Willis? - lol).
"You need to let a man know that you appreciate him," he said. "You need to make a man feel like you want him, like you need him. You need to make a man feel like a man."
geez...
Well, I personally feel like I do make men feel like I need them: I need them to change my lights because I can't reach them; I need them to change my smoke detector batteries because I can't reach them and I need them to rub my feet after a long run.
So what the hell are they complaining about ? (lol)
Ok. Just kidding. But the thing is I feel like I am a nurturing person, but I just haven't dated anyone long enough to show them that side of me. I mean I really haven't met anyone recently who deserves me to cater to them.
When I meet that special someone who is kind, caring and honest, I will reciprocate.
What do you think?
What do you think of what my friend said?
Do you think those of us who are single are single because we don't show our "nurturing" side early enough?
Let me know your thoughts.
You, he said, "aren't nurturing enough."
Huh? What do you mean? (What you talkin' bout Willis? - lol).
"You need to let a man know that you appreciate him," he said. "You need to make a man feel like you want him, like you need him. You need to make a man feel like a man."
geez...
Well, I personally feel like I do make men feel like I need them: I need them to change my lights because I can't reach them; I need them to change my smoke detector batteries because I can't reach them and I need them to rub my feet after a long run.
So what the hell are they complaining about ? (lol)
Ok. Just kidding. But the thing is I feel like I am a nurturing person, but I just haven't dated anyone long enough to show them that side of me. I mean I really haven't met anyone recently who deserves me to cater to them.
When I meet that special someone who is kind, caring and honest, I will reciprocate.
What do you think?
What do you think of what my friend said?
Do you think those of us who are single are single because we don't show our "nurturing" side early enough?
Let me know your thoughts.
Monday, March 21, 2011
How Long?
This weekend I had the great pleasure of participating in a community service event. I worked with a group of women in transitional housing and our task was to create a skit with puppets based on a hypothetical situation.
In our situation:
A lady was 40 years old and had been with her boyfriend for 8 years.
She really wanted to get married. All her friends were married with
children, a house and a dog. She wanted the same. However, her boyfriend was not stepping up to the plate. Her solution was to give him an ultimatum.
Well, the moral of our story was: Wait on The Lord. And there were several bible scriptures listed that talked about the value of patience.
I really enjoyed working with my group and creating the puppets to illustrate our skit.
But later in the day, after all was said and done I wondered about our hypothetical situation. This lady had met this man when she was 32, now 40 - How long should she continue to wait - until he has an epiphany, got his finances straight, sowed his wild oats?
I know someone who was with a guy for 10 years. She gave him an ultimatum and well, they got married. She had the wedding of her dreams. Less than a year later they were separated.
So my questions are:
1) How long is too long? Does it take 8 years to know whether or not you want to marry someone? How long would you be willing to wait? At what point do you stop waiting and move on?
2) Do you think ultimatums work? Do you think she should or should not give him an ultimatum? Do you think some men just need a little "pushing" to realize they love you and can't spend their life without you?
Let me know your thoughts.
In our situation:
A lady was 40 years old and had been with her boyfriend for 8 years.
She really wanted to get married. All her friends were married with
children, a house and a dog. She wanted the same. However, her boyfriend was not stepping up to the plate. Her solution was to give him an ultimatum.
Well, the moral of our story was: Wait on The Lord. And there were several bible scriptures listed that talked about the value of patience.
I really enjoyed working with my group and creating the puppets to illustrate our skit.
But later in the day, after all was said and done I wondered about our hypothetical situation. This lady had met this man when she was 32, now 40 - How long should she continue to wait - until he has an epiphany, got his finances straight, sowed his wild oats?
I know someone who was with a guy for 10 years. She gave him an ultimatum and well, they got married. She had the wedding of her dreams. Less than a year later they were separated.
So my questions are:
1) How long is too long? Does it take 8 years to know whether or not you want to marry someone? How long would you be willing to wait? At what point do you stop waiting and move on?
2) Do you think ultimatums work? Do you think she should or should not give him an ultimatum? Do you think some men just need a little "pushing" to realize they love you and can't spend their life without you?
Let me know your thoughts.
Thursday, March 17, 2011
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