What Do the Lonely Do?

I love the holidays — the parties, the shopping (limited), the music. It's a busy time of year — an opportunity to reconnect with friends and continue family traditions.

But it's also a reminder of my singleness.

When I go home, everybody has somebody except me. My sister has a family. All my step siblings have families. My friends who live in Jackson have families — even if they're not married they have children. My close friends who I grew up with no longer come home because, well, they have families.

When the family gathers on Christmas Eve and Christmas Day, everybody's with their significant other (or children) - except me. I have no husband or no kid.

Now, this never use to bother me. I was the career-minded professional who would travel home to Jackson from the big city during holidays. But as I get older, I look like the lonely spinster who can't find a man.

Don't get me wrong, I love my family dearly and look forward to going home (especially since my sister had twins). They seem genuinely happy to see me when I come visit. But my dad, in his indirect way, always finds a way to ask when I'm going to get married.

So, what do the lonely do at Christmas? They smile, eat good food, hand out gifts, visit grandma and get back on a plane to resume their single life.

It reminds me of the holiday song: WHAT DO THE LONELY DO AT CHRISTMAS by the Emotions. Listen to it below:


What are your thoughts?

Where Yo Man?

Earlier today, a contractor stopped by to give me an estimate on replacing my gutter and fixing my roof. After he told me how much it would cost, I told him I would have to get back to him after the holidays. Christmas is next week and I need every little penny.

"Why don't you just get the money from your man?" he asked.

I just stared at him.

"I know you a independent woman and all, but if he was any kind of man he would make sure his woman was taken care of. He would make sure your house is fixed and give you the money to do stuff like this."

I didn't know what to say. He was an older gentleman and I guess a little old school.

I mean this is my home. I bought it and am responsible for the upkeep. Even if I had a boyfriend or "a man", I wouldn't expect him to pay to get stuff fixed - or should I?

Maybe I'm living in a different world.

Last week I rushed out of the house to take my garbage out as the trash removal truck pulled up in my alley. It was freezing cold and I made it just in time. One of the guys asked, "What you doing out here? Why didn't your man take the garbage out?" "Where yo man? He should be out here."

I smiled politely and told them to have a good day.

I don't know. I've been single so long, I'm just used to doing stuff myself. I'm sure if I was in a relationship and my male friend took the garbage out, I wouldn't object -LOL. But I don't know if I would let him pay to get a major repair done in my home.

What do you guys think about this?
If I had a significant male partner, should I expect him to pay for the upkeep of my house? What if he offered to pay for a major repair?
Should I expect him to do things like take out the garbage?

Let me know your thoughts.

Forgive Me Please

I received an email yesterday from a guy I had gone out with more than a year ago. The subject line said: "Never meant to hurt you."

The body of the text simply said:
"I am sorry for any pain or hurt I ever caused you directly. Just thinking about you and felt you deserved that."

wow.

I was extremely surprised to get an email from this person. But I also thought it was very presumptuous of him to believe that he had caused me any pain.

Anyway, I had gone out several times with this young man. On one evening we were suppose to meet at a local lounge. He was very late and when he did show up, it was obvious that he had been drinking. His eyes were red and he was talking very loudly. I mean people were looking at us.

Hurt? No — just embarrassed and disappointed in his behavior.

When we were leaving out the lounge, the security guard told me to make sure he got home safely (jeez..). Well, that irked my date and as he walked me to my car he started going off, "that nigga don't know me. I got folks who will kill for me !"

Well, that did it. I was done! I mean done !

I never talked to him again after that. I didn't return any phone calls or text messages. I de-friended him on Facebook.

So, I was surprised when I received his email yesterday. I didn't respond (and won't) but I had to chuckle: He never hurt me. I was just scared for my life - LOL !!!

However, I was impressed with his note. I think it's very big of a person to say 'I'm sorry,' or to apologize for wrongdoing.

I guess in his own way, he was asking for forgiveness for anything that he might have done to cause me pain. I don't know why he decided to do it now (nearly 2 years later). I guess the holidays make people feel a little guilty for their past transgressions.

Do you need to do a little forgiving?
Is there anyone you would like to apologize to?
Is there anyone that you believe owes you an apology for the pain they may have caused in your life?
Is there something that you absolutely cannot forgive?

Let me know your thoughts.

photo by danaphotography.

When It Rains

Man, when it rains it pours.

I pray every morning that my car will crank. It needs a new battery.

My gutter fell off my house last week during a terrible wind storm. The guy who was suppose to put it back stood me up. Now I have to find someone else to do it.

My tenants are calling with all kinds of problems: the shower head is broken, leaks in the kitchen and bathroom, drawers need to be repaired.

And then I just got a call from my mentee, she was crying because she has no way home for Christmas. (i'm a sucker for Norquesha's tears). She wanted to know if I could help her out and get her a train ticket to D.C.

Well, I wanna go home too to see my family — my father, my nephews, my grandmother.

Christmas is just a few weeks away and I feel overwhelmed. It just seems that everything's coming at me all at once. It's the end of the year and stuff is just breaking down. (isn't this suppose to be a time of good cheer?)

AAAAAAAWWWWWW !!!!! Makes me wanna holla ! AAAAAAWWWWW !!!!!!

But I have to remind myself to put things in perspective. Things could be worse: I could have no home, no transportation and I am thankful for my family when my mentee needs my support.

So, even though I'm complaining, I'll get over it. I just need to find a yoga class this week.


photo by mysza831.

Writer's Block

I can't finish my story for nothing !

I keep getting distracted by reality tv. I'm hooked on Hulu (just finished watching Running Russell Simmons).

Anyway, I need something to help me get my groove back right away.

I'm on deadline !





photo by Vince Kuster.

Sixth Sense?

So this morning I was trying to think of my dentist name so I could give it to my dental provider.

For some reason, I couldn't think of the name for nothing. My mind just went blank.

A few minutes later I went to check my email and the VERY first message was a newsletter from my dentist.

Is that scary or what? Coincidence?

I tell you, I have a gift.

Blast from the Past

I was in the mall on Saturday to return an item I had bought a month ago. I was headed to Macy's when this guy walking toward me stopped and stared at me. Well, I thought he was weird and kept walking. Then he called my name.

"Lottie," he said.

I stopped. How did he know my name?

"Lottie," he repeated. "It's me 'Anthony' from Mt. Vernon Square." The lady he was with also stopped and stared at me.

I froze. This is a guy I went out with when I first moved to the D.C., area. We lived in the same apartment complex. I had not seen him in more than a decade.

I was shocked. He looked horrible. I literally did not recognize him. When we went out he was tall (6'4), slender, athletically toned, strong, almost nice-looking.

This was not the same person - couldn't be. The person standing in front of me was overweight, sloppy, unkempt. He looked tired and had aged about 20 years. Life had not been kind to him. I do remember that he smoked - which I hated and it was probably one of the MANY reasons I never saw him again.

"Wow, you've gained weight," is all I could muster before scurrying away.

I had no interest in talking to him or catching up. I don't have good memories of our time together. In fact, when I look at him now I have to ask myself: "What were you thinking?"

I had to have been desperate or lonely or both. On one hand, I'm happy that I did not settle for a person who really wasn't about much. On the other hand, I'm mad at myself for spending precious time with such a loser - time that I can't get back.

I realize now that he didn't deserve me. But I didn't know my worth back then. Just think about all the GOOD guys I could have dated while I was kicking it with him. Oh, well. You live and you learn.


Thoughts?