The Black Relationship Series

Okay, where have I been the past two or three weeks?

Obviously, there's been several cartoon-like videos on Black relationships that have gone viral. I found out about them while checking out my friend Tanya's blog I Wanna Sing Like Sarah "Sassy" Vaughn.

The first video I viewed was a man's perspective on what he believes are the unrealistic expectations of a professional single Black woman. In the video, the lady is rattling off a list of things she wants punctuated with a list of things she won't do. It has had more than 500,000 views on YouTube. Check it out here:


The second video was a woman's view of what she believes are the unrealistic expectations of the Black man. The man in the cartoon says he expects his wife to have a degree, but not from a historically black college or university. He wants her to have a career, but she is not allowed to make more than he does. He also wants her to cook every night and care for their Six kids. Oh yeah, she must stay sexy. Check out the video here:


A number of Black media outlets have complained that the videos reinforce stereotypes of African American men and women. A blog on Essence.com emphasizes that, "While there are plenty of women out there with unrealistic expectations, the aim of this anonymous filmmaker seems to be to make this a problem unique to Black women." And author Ronda Racha Penrice writes on thegrio.com that, "While many of us may question the accuracy of the content of these videos, we can't deny that something is terribly amiss in the black male-female relationship dynamic."

The author of the original video (at the top), Darroll Lawson, is a 40-year-old married father of three. He has been featured on the Tom Joyner Morning Show as well as in mainstream media outlets including the Associated Press. In his interview with theroot.com, Lawson says the inspiration for the video came from the things he heard when he was single and dating. "If you turn on popular media, there is a consistent message [of materialism]," he said. Please read the entire interview here.

So, tell me what are your thoughts on these videos?

Nip Tuck

So a good friend allowed me to come over last night to watch the latest episode of The Real Housewives of Atlanta. Boy did I have a good time.

Ms. Phaedra is something else isn't she? And what do you think of Sheree's new man? I've already read reports that he's bogus. (that he only wants to date her so he can be on tv and advance his own media career.) Do you think his intentions are sincere? Check out this Bossip report.

But I was really interested in NeNe's plastic surgery. She had her nose done, a breast lift and liposuction around her tummy. She talked about why she did it in this piece in People magazine.

So, what do you think of NeNe's decision to undergo plastic surgery?
Would you have plastic surgery if you had the money to do it? If so, what procedures would you get - breast implants? liposuction? tummy tuck?
I know two folks who've had breast reduction surgery because of back problems.

I would love to have thinner thighs but I have an extremely low tolerance for pain and am scared to death of needles (the nurse has to hold my hand when they take blood). I guess I'll just have to keep teaching Jazzercise- lol.

Anyway, let me know your thoughts.

Not For Me

Today, I took advantage of this beautiful Sunday weather to go browsing through Marshalls, Ross and Nordstrom Rack. I tried on a few things and what I know for sure is: SWEATER dresses are not for me.

My already wide hips look wider and my huge derriere looks even bigger (baby got back). Though sweater dresses seem to be all the rage right now (weren't they in style a few years ago?), I will not be able to participate in this trend.

But that's okay. I know my limits — and I do not look good in sweater dresses. They don't do anything to accentuate my figure. In fact, I look bigger. And who wants to look bigger? I'm trying to go for styles that are slimming - lol ! (hence all the black pants, black tops and many, many black dresses :)

What about you?
Are there any trends that don't flatter your figure?
Have you tried a certain style and said - "I'll pass"?

(photo by __.↖ღ ♥ A z a ™ ღ↗.'.

Brett Favre and Jesse Jackson Jr.

Over the past few months, we've heard news about football superstar Brett Favre sending, how can I say this, not nice text messages to a woman not his wife. Deadspin, an online sports website, also reported that the married Minnesota Vikings quarterback left voice mail messages on the answering machine of New York Jets game-day host Jenny Sterger expressing his desire to see her. (Favre played for the Jets in 2008)

Shortly after the Brett Favre sexting scandal broke, there was news that Congressman Jesse Jackson Jr. (D-Ill.), had an affair with a Washington D.C., restaurant hostess. The Chicago Sun Times reported that authorities, while investigating whether Jackson tried to "buy" Obama's senate seat, discovered that a businessman was asked to purchase plane tickets to Chicago for one of Jackson's "social acquaintances."

Though Jackson has denied the senate seat allegations, his wife, Chicago Alderman Sandi Jackson, said the couple have worked on their "personal matters" through marital counseling and spiritual therapy.

It seems the Brett Favre scandal is a big deal while the Jesse Jackson affair seemed to get little or no response from the public, though it was reported just as widely by national news outlets.

Why do you think people are so up in arms about the Favre thing, yet didn't even blink when it was revealed the congressman had an affair?

Let me know your thoughts.

(Brett Favre photo by cliff1066.)
(Jesse Jackson Jr. photo courtesy of official congressman website)

Real Housewives-Episode 2

Okay,
I'm just on the 2nd episode of The Real Housewives of Atlanta. Most people are already on episode 4 (or 5?) - lol.

What do you guys think of what Kim did to Kandi about the "Tardy for the Party" song? Kim's lawyer told her she didn't have to split the money with Kandi, after all the work Kandi did to make the record a hit. I don't think that's very fair.

And what about NeNe's son 20-year-old Bryson? She had put him out.
During that time:
Dude was arrested (had marijuana in his pocket while visiting a friend in jail).
Doesn't help clean the house.
Doesn't go to school.
Doesn't work.
Comes in at all times in the morning.
Then had the nerve to tell his mother she was too strict.

But in the end NeNe agreed to let him back in, but he could only stay for 90 days (you know to allow him to look for a job). She told him that after he leaves on the 91st day, he couldn't come back.
Do you think it's just talk? Check out the video here:




I like the new housewife, model Cynthia Bailey. I think she's cool.(so far)

And Ms. Phaedra. I like her. She's fiesty.
While cooking a meal for her and her husband, Phaedra mentioned that she wasn't a homemaker, but now that's she married, she had to do what "Every proper Southern woman does." LOL - What does that mean?

let me know your thoughts...

Re-thinking Marriage

For the past two years, I have been Gung-ho about getting married, finding a husband, trying to find somebody to "put a ring on it." I've written about some of my escapades in this blog.

But today, as I walked along the Alexandria Waterfront by myself (among all the loving couples), I got to thinking: Do I really want to get married?

By married, I mean in the traditional sense.

I know I want a companion, a partner, a love — maybe someone to hold my hand or rub my feet (after teaching an hour Jazzercise class) or someone to have dinner with on occasion. I want a help mate (it's hard finding a reliable handyman these days - LOL. okay, just kidding).

But do I want to be a wife?

After visiting a recently married friend, I learned this takes a whole new set of skills (lol) — compromise, sacrifice, etc.

I don't know. I'm not quite sure what I want right now. But I do know that I don't want to be alone for the rest of my life. I want someone "to have and to hold." But will it be in a conventional marriage? I can't say.

What are your thoughts?


(photo by Pikaluk.)

Unconditional Love

A few weeks ago I was going through a couple of old issues of O, The Oprah magazine. I came across the August 2006 issue on friendship. In that issue, O columnist Lisa Kogan talked to Oprah and her best friend Gayle about their special bond. Oprah described their friendship as otherworldly. Gayle said, "Sometimes you don't even realize how big it is."

In talking about the importance of connection, Lisa mentioned how people ached for friends who don't have an agenda.

Oprah responded:
"...in a way, our friendship is better than a marriage or a sexual relationship. You know, there's no such thing as unconditional love in a marriage as far as I'm concerned, 'cause let me tell you, there are some conditions. [LAUGHTER] So don't ask me to give you unconditional love, because there are certain things I won't tolerate."

wow. What do you think about that? This is heavy.

I know what she's saying: that your true friends, real friends, will love you no matter what(I can be fat. I can be poor.); but that marriage has some "conditions."

But I am a hopeless romantic and I want to believe that there is unconditional love in a marriage. I want someone who will love me unconditionally - despite all my faults (and boy do I have faults). I know this is idealistic, but a girl can dream can't she?

I envision marriage as a loving and nurturing relationship. However, I know I have to be realistic and realize that, like Oprah said, "there are certain things I won't tolerate." (i.e.-cheating, domestic violence, drug use, etc.) And I have to wonder about his "conditions." Will he love me if I gained 50 pounds, cheated or lied about a significant financial issue? (honey, I got credit cards in your name and gave all our savings to my sister - sorry.)

On the other hand, isn't there something in the vows that say "for better or for worse"- an unconditional love maybe?

Anyway, I'm all over the place right now, so these are my questions:
Do you believe there is unconditional love in a marriage?
Do you believe there are some "conditions" in a marriage?
What are some things you won't tolerate?
Can friendship be better than a marriage or sexual relationship?

Let me know your thoughts.


(photo by verticlebones).